Fun custom art created by Tiny Bangs Art
Well, if my late night Taco Bell runs or unabashed posting of cheeseburgers on Instagram and Snapchat haven’t already given me away, haha, I’m super excited to share with you that we are expecting baby #3! I’m currently about 13.5 weeks, and I’m due smack dab on Christmas Day. HAHA!
I thought to share the news it would be really fun to share this song that my whole family sings when someone is pregnant. Haha! It’s “Having My Baby” by Paul Anka. It’s super cheesy and has some really odd lyrics, but my dad would always sing it to my mom, to tease her, through all of her pregnancies (5 babies!) and when I was the first child to get pregnant in my family, the song kind of started back up again.
So here you go! Happy Father’s Day! To this amazing man of mine who was 100% willing and excited to do this video with me. Haha I swear people think I hold him at gunpoint. We filmed it in his new Pleasant Pictures Studios, where we makes really hip music. And I could not be more proud of him as a man and father, and I’m honored to be having his baby. Haha.
So a little bit about baby #3 and how this happened! It was on purpose. Kind of. I mean, it was but it’s still pretty rough.
I sincerely, truly, absolutely thought we were done after Rad. We have one healthy boy and one healthy girl, and why on earth would we need any more?!
But then one morning I was looking at my family, all cuddled up in bed, Rad (who is 28 months or so) crawling on Eric’s head, and Ginger (who is 4.5 years) giving us directions about something, and just in general being adorable, and I had the very distinct and unmistakeable impression that someone was missing. That there should be one more crazy child in that bed.
This sent me into sheer panic and terror. And when I say “terror” I’m not being melodramatic. My feelings about pregnancy and my experiences with it run so deep and hold so much anxiety and bad memories for me, that I am terrified of being pregnant. My pregnancies with Rad and Ginger were so, well, horrible, that I really thought there was no way I could do it again. It’s a physical possibility for me, but almost a mental impossibility.
I know so many struggle to get pregnant, I know them personally and cry and fight with them. I always want to be sensitive to these families and individuals and their struggles. One of my top questions for God when we meet will be, “Why couldn’t those deserving people get the babies they wanted?!” But I share my feelings because I felt so guilty, for so long, about having them. And this just made things harder for me. It didn’t change the way I felt (depressed, anxious, suicidal at times) but SO WHAT. “Who cares if I’ve been crying for a week straight?” I’d think. “I’m able to get pregnant, I have healthy babies. I should shut up and stop complaining.” Right? Ha. No, not really. You can see how this logic is flawed. It stops someone from getting the help they should. And I didn’t get the help I needed with Rad and that’s why things got so dire at the end.
But one thing I’ve learned in life is that our trials are OUR trials, our struggles are OUR struggles, and if they are important to us, they are important. Period. So as I hope to be sensitive to people who would happily go through my trials to get pregnant and have a baby, and obviously I will too HENCE this third pregnancy, hahaha, I also share them so if you feel similarly, so you know you’re not the only one.
I plan on sharing some tips and things I’ve learned this third time around. Tips I’ve learned for overcoming a difficult pregnancy. Not in this post but soon! But I’m so happy and grateful to report that I’m doing better. I mean, I’ve known I was pregnant since I was 4 weeks exactly. So it has been long, and not easy. Each day can be a struggle. But I’m doing better. I have such an amazing support team, hahaha, and I’m ok. I’m going to be ok! Ha! See I’m just going to keep repeating that. And I know it’s true.
I’m so so so so sickly and insanely excited to welcome baby #3 into our family. Ginger and Rad are so in love with every baby they see. And I am so honored to be given this gift.
And can I share one terrible secret? As I was feeling like it was time to have another baby, but I really really didn’t want to be PREGNANT, and didn’t feel like adoption was quite right for family at this time, and then I had the thought, “Alison, if you have another baby you get to throw another first birthday party for them!” HAHAHAHAHA and as soon as I thought that I was like, “Ok, I can do this.”
So yeah, there’s the truth for you. I want this baby so I can plan one more 1st birthday party! HAHA. Maybe a few other reasons too.
I love a lot of things. I love working, I love parties, I love love love creating. But my truest and most complete source of joy is my beautiful, insane little family. I can’t wait to see what this next tiny person is like.
I love you. Thanks for being here. Thanks for reading. And so so so much love to you.