She has outrageous opinions

Sometimes it’s hard having so many absurd opinions, and only one person to share them with. It’s most likely harder for Eric to listen to them over and over…but it’s his fault for marrying me.

Usually I try to refrain from posting opinions that could offend you, your mother, your eyebrow waxer, or your enemies (not that you have any). But for some reason, I’m feeling the need to share, and because I cannot sleep, I’ve decided to unload my brain chatter.

Plus, it’s been a while since I compiled a list.

So, I give you:

Alison’s very strong, and possibly unfounded, opinions

1. Wearing flannel pajama pants in public is a sin.

I’ll say a it’s sin for women, and it’s an unpardonable sin for men.

Please note here that I have specified “flannel” pajama pants. I have nothing against track pants, sweat pants, a nice sturdy pair of thermals, spandex, workout wear, or even those velour rhinestone studded pants in public. But anyone over the age of 16 caught wearing flannel pajama pants out and about, better have a serious case of the stomach flu.

Flannel has a way of caressing the body, especially that cheap flimsy variety that tends to have Homer Simpson eating donuts on it, that no one should have to be exposed to while shopping for groceries.

It’s this particular genre of lounge wear (the licensed character variety) that I find particularly offensive. I have been known to shudder, gasp, and shake my head in disappointment when confronted with grown men wearing tweety bird pajama pants.

With sweat pants available for such great prices at your local Wal-mart, I just think there is no excuse for exposing me to flannel pajama pants that are clinging to a grown man’s butt. Especially because the men who tend to wear these pants probably aren’t gym-goers.

“Oh, Alison, that’s so harsh!” No it’s not, if they went to the gym they’d be wearing their gym pants.

2. Olive Garden’s shocking success reflects poorly on us as Americans.

I’m not Italian. I’m not a food critic. But I have been trained in marketing, worked in advertising, and I LOVE to analyze why certain businesses fail and others succeed.

I’m not a food snob, I have big mac attacks, eat at chain restaurants, and I put ketchup on almost all of my Mexican food. But I find Olive Garden overwhelmingly bland and mediocre. How it not only continues to stay in business but here, in its Provo location THRIVE, truly baffles my mind.

Many argue, “Oh! But I love the salad and bread sticks!” Which FURTHER baffles the mind. The bread sticks are hardly ever warm or soft, and the salad is the bagged iceberg variety. Which I could totally forgive if the dressing was original. But it’s not!

I will say that the service is always exceptional, and they do make me feel like family. So much so that when they ask how my meal is, I lie, so as to spare their feelings.

I think its success reflects poorly on us as a society because I think Olive Garden is safe. It’s Italian but it’s not TOO Italian. Their “Garlic Chicken” has garlic flavor, but will not cause you to ooze garlic from your pores. You in no way are asked to leave your comfort zone or expand your palette. Feel free to disagree, but I’m not budging on this one.

Besides, why anyone would choose to eat at an Olive Garden if there is a Carrabbas readily available, is beyond me. I love Carrabbas.

3. Taking naps means you’re weak.

I think I’ve mentioned this one before. And it’s an opinion I fully realize is wrong (probably). But I can’t help it. I still see naps, and sleeping in general as a sign of weakness. And we all know Martha would agree. My husband, on the other hand, does not. He loves to nap, and I will continue to act out and bemoan feelings of abandonment each time he chooses to take one.

4. I have the cutest baby in the world.

As evidence for this opinion I submit the following: pictures of my baby wearing a hoodie I made her using this pattern.

Ginger modeing her hoodie

I love those buttons

And there you have it. I will probably continue this list. Or, abruptly decide that I want to have nothing to do with it.

But I love you all! I hope you’re being crafty. I would also like to add that I am thrilled and flattered beyond belief that so many people “LIKE” me so far (see my post below, I’m not just sounding desperate for validation I swear). Thank you for your support! I like you too.

Garlic kisses,

Alison

14 Comments

  1. Heather Lea Zweig

    You are hilarious and I thank you for that.

  2. Heather

    This is one of my favorite posts of yours! And just for the record, I will always take naps whenever humanly possible.

  3. Luz e. {Wee Waldorf}

    Yes, ok I thought i was the only one. Olive Garden's breadsticks, among other things, are a slap in the face to other breadsticks. I only go there when I'm forced to by sisters-in-law.
    p.s. you're funny.

  4. Becca

    i am WITH YOU about olive garden. seriously.

    p.s. really cute hoodie. and baby.

  5. Jenna

    Yeah, Olive Garden. Not my fave place in the world. In fact, I hadn't ever eaten there until I was well into my college years. Maybe if the entrees cost half as much as they do, I'd go there. But Carrabba's and Macaroni Grill are almost the same price and they're like light years beyond Olive Garden.

  6. Liz

    I have a friend who used to be a waiter at Olive Garden in Provo. He said that about 90% of all of the meals are cooked in the microwave and were frozen at one point.

    He also claims the ads that say that the chefs go to cooking school in Tuscany is complete BS.

    I despise Olive Garden. I would pick Carrabba's or Buca di Beppo any day.

  7. tori.nelson

    You can EAT at Olive Garden? I thought it was just a super large bar specializing in kind of awful Sangria.

  8. Alison

    well you see tori, here in Provo all we do is EAT.

    lots and lots of eating.

  9. meg

    Ummm. I would like to make one of your lists one day. I am not picky. It could be one about awesomeness or the worst red headed neighbors ever. Either way…it would be a real honor.

    Fingers.Crossed.

  10. andrea

    you are FUNNY

  11. darcie

    i think olive garden in provo is going out of business since there is a for lease sign out. pretty proud of my hometown there.

  12. Mame

    sooo, I love Olive Garden. I love love Carabas WAY more, but correct me if I am wrong, but aren't they way more expensive? Olive Garden's dishes are mediocre (except their Tiramisu, which is delightful) but it's like comfort italian food. you know what to expect.

  13. heshatsheshat

    agreed on all accounts.

  14. Lindsey

    as a first time reader, i'm going back through all your posts and i must say: CARRABBA'S BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF OLIVE GARDEN EVERYDAY. Amen sister, amen.

    xo
    Lindsey
    lindseyleon@gmail.com

Leave Some Love

Your email address will not be published.




You Might Also Like


Super Duper Fly Dance Off!

WHOOOOOAAAA! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG POST I almost didn’t know if I could remember how!!! HA! But, I did, and I’m so glad, because I AM NOT kidding you it feels so damn good to be abusing ALL CAPS AGAIN! You know what also feels really really good? …


Build an Awesome Brand Workshop!

Hi! I’m Alison. Over the past 10 years building my business I’ve put my name in lights, danced with thousands of hot babes who believe in their own awesomeness, spoken at huge events, worked with fortune 500 companies, created six-digit yielding courses, hosted nationally recognized online dance contests, started the podcast of my dreams, and basically …


Alison’s State of Affairs April

Reflecting on the source of my strength: my bling. HAHA. But actually just ask Laura, the photographer, what mood I was in. Because it is more accurately reflected below. Well hello!!! Another month has come and gone, and so now it’s time for ALISON’S STATE OF AFFAIRS! Yes,  yes, I know I’m sharing a lot with …


Don't Miss a Podcast!

You're busy and we want to make listening to the podcast EASY. Sign up for Thought Nuggets and you'll get emails with quick synopses of episodes as they come out. Done is fun!