It’s been a while since I continued my Gwyneth series. Or more accurately my list of:
THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO
It has been so long in fact, that I have yet to point out the differences Gwyneth and I probably have as pregnant women. Now I have no idea if her fabulousness is currently with child, I just know she has children, so the odds are good that she has been pregnant in the past. Plus I found this picture:
If the title of my list isn’t self-explanatory enough, I will direct you to:
Good. Now that you’re all caught up, we can continue with the fourth installment, or part four, which I have titled:
THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO WHILE PREGNANT:
(and though this list is a tad different, I’ll continue with the numbering of the previous lists, which brings us to…)
#18. Find traces of Butterfinger smashed against her chest when she takes off her bra. (I don’t make this crap up.) Yeah that’s right, nobody better lay a finger on THAT Butterfinger.
#19. Park in the visitors parking at work (for the past three months) and when people say, “Hey, you’re not a visitor!” point at her stomach with two thumbs and say, “I’m not, but this girl is!”
#20. Consider hanging 10lb bird cages directly above her infants head…see previous post…
#21. Eat SpaghettiOs for dinner. Ok, ok, eat an ENTIRE can of SpaghettiOs for dinner. O’ the shame!
#22. Sing, “My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lump” while rubbing her pregnant belly and dancing for her husband. (I know, if Chris Martin read that one he’d be insanely JEALOUS)
#23. Consider scooting her chair to the water cooler instead of standing up to walk the 15 feet, but decide against it, only because she’s not confident she can maneuver around the corner.
#24. Constantly ask her husband if he’s sure he has enough attention for both her and the baby.
and one more thing I’m 95% sure Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t do while pregnant:
#25. Tell people who are less pregnant than her, that her baby could probably eat their baby.
That is all for Part 4 of She’s No Gwyneth! Please feel free to share your own not Gwyneth moments, pregnant or not, because let’s face it, only Gwyneth can be Gwyneth. And that’s ok.
I love you all!!