She’s got a new motto.

Here’s my new motto now that I’m 26:

I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want.

Here’s some examples of how this comes into play:

I’m at the gas station filling up my car, I want some candy. Should I go in the market and get some? Oh I shouldn’t, candy isn’t good for me, I should save money…NO! FORGET THAT! I’m an adult. I can eat candy when I want to. I’ll get the damn candy!

Or how about staying up late? I want to watch the last three episodes of season one of the OC. But I have work in the morning, it’s late, I’ll be tired…WAIT! SCREW THAT! I’m gonna’ stay up and see if Marissa finds out about Luke and her mom! (And she does! How could he?)

Yeah, I know it’s a really immature motto. But maybe that’s why I like it. I feel like I’m always being responsible. And I’m over it. You know what else I’m over? Being NICE! Maybe I don’t want to be the nice one anymore!

Cause you know what? I just realized I’m like a small annoying puppy. If you pet me, give me a treat, or even just look at me with a smile I’ll love you forever. But if you use a harsh tone, I’ll roll over and die. However, the second you’re nice to me again I’m your puppet! Snap your fingers and I’ll jump in your lap.

And that’s how it goes. That’s how it is when you’re nice. It would be fine if I wasn’t so sensitive. But I am. I’m really really sensitive, like that stupid puppy. That’s why so many sensitive people are bullies. But I’m not a bully. I’m nice.

And I’m sick of it.

I would be SUCH a good mean girl. Seriously, I’m really good at being mean. I mean, REALLY good. For example I almost clobbered a woman who was being rude at the movie theater the other day (I told you I’m sick of being nice.) She said mean things to me, (I was whispering during the PREVIEWS) but wouldn’t look at me. So I turned around, stared at her, waiting for 10 seconds as she avoided looking at me, then said very loudly in her face “EYE CONTACT!” Yeah, see how mean I am!

More reasons I’m a good mean girl, I’m quick with with words and not afraid of confrontation. I’m also slightly crazy, which means I’ll take things further than you will. I’ll stare longer, speak louder, and fight harder. The problem is I won’t be able to fall asleep for weeks after because I’ll be so worried that I hurt your feelings.

But if wasn’t for that I’d be the PERFECT mean girl.

Anyway, this isn’t to toot my own horn saying what a nice sweet person I am. It’s just to say that this year, I’m putting more people on my naughty list. I’m not killing myself to be nice to people who don’t call me back when I’m calling to say something nice or congratulate them. Even though I don’t call everyone back I’ll at least send a text!

So this is a warning. I’ve got a bucket full of coal and I’m not afraid to use it.

Anyway, maybe I’m just in a bad mood. Maybe it IS that time of the month. But whatever it is, it sure isn’t Christmas cheer.

Ok.

I feel bad now.

I won’t be mean.

I promise.

I love you.

You look pretty.

Do you forgive me?

Merry Christmas.

xoxo

Alison

18 Comments

  1. ferociousnate

    You would make a terrible mean person. Too damn nice.

  2. Matt and Jennae Porter

    I love you. Eye contact!!- LOL. How was Evan's wedding?! So fun to have a new "sister"!

  3. Davis Family

    every post makes me smile

  4. kamrynthescorpio

    i loved this post so much. you're such a scorpio and so am i. i get it. it's so hard being us sometimes. i love living below you and hearing the oc all the time. xo

  5. We Three Zweigs

    Oh Alison. Your words just brought light to my so-far-pretty-boring day.

  6. We Three Zweigs

    By light I meant laughter, obviously.

  7. Kristin

    I am really impressed with that eye contact comment, also. I have never been that ballsy. And I also feel like I'm getting away with something when I buy myself candy. AND I love OC season 1. So, there you go. I think you are good at life and that if you want to be a mean girl you will be the best damn mean girl on the block.

  8. Bean

    Ahh you make me laugh. Too funny!

  9. Holley

    haha… agreed! in 14 days i will be able to eat candy whenever i want too!

    i am totally a mean girl at work, it brings out my inner monster. if someone says to me, "hey, you work at byu, my friend says she knows you… or i talked to you on the phone i think…" the first thing i say is, "was i mean to you!?!" cause lets face it, i probably was.

    AND and think dumb people like that lady need to know how dumb they are so thanks for taking care of her. previews do NOT count.

    does crankiness come with age? i am a grandma.

  10. The Daily Kirk

    You watched the OC! ISN'T IT THE BEST!?!?! Welcome to the OC bitch!

  11. Liz

    You look pretty, too.

    I heart the OC. Always have.

    I love reading your blog posts. It's scary to see how much we are alike.

  12. darcie

    Sometimes when I sneak candy into my mouth and Kjell catches me and asks for some and I tell him "no" I feel bad. But then I think, I'm an adult.

  13. Samantha

    I just wanted to say I relate to this post a lot, b/c I am uber sensitive too, and sometimes I just wish I had the guts to say what I want. I also relate to your more/less post a few posts back. Also, maybe we're not just sensitive. Maybe we see the truth about the world and things and people that less "sensitive" people don't see. Let's think of it that way. yes.

  14. Emily Frame

    lady, i don't read it either. except for my own posts of course.

  15. Beth

    Oh Alison…. you are too cute! And I think you are amazing at being nice…
    EXAMPLE: you made home made spice cake for me!
    you were so nice to Bryce and I, you told us we didn't have to take off our shoes or coats, we probably could have walked around your house naked for all you cared! And your pizza crust was delish!

    But you can be a mean girl…. I think it's funny. Love ya…oh yeah, this Saturday…. you better be there. And I am dropping off the first season of Star Gate.. so cheesy it's hilarious. But I love it.

  16. Beth

    I meant, you can be a mean girl if you WANT.
    not that you CAN be mean, I just don't see that in you sweet little Alison….

  17. noelle regina

    i need a 26-year old motto.
    how about…

    i'm 26 i can have grey hair.
    i'm 26 i can nap if i want to.

  18. Jessica Tingey

    i am danielle's friend in dc and she showed me your post on nana's getting a man advice. i kept reading your blog because you're funny and i like it.

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