She’s not allowed to ride her bike.

I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again. It can be really hard being me.

Take for example the fact that I want to be a fun-loving adventure seeking outdoor enthusiast, but I have really really bad hand-eye coordination.

I would love to be the type of girl who straps on her chacos, grabs her nalgene bottle and then whips out her harness, hurling a lean and sculpted body up some gnar gnar crags, but in reality I’m the girl wearing some borrowed climbing gear swinging from the ropes asking, “I PUT MY HAND WHERE???”

I’ve always been way better at learning and applying the vocabulary needed for extreme sports than I have been at the actual doing of those extreme sports.

Sure, I’ll go through phases thinking, “Oh I run marathons! That means I’m tough!” And then I’ll go buy some piece of gear that makes me feel tough. Like the time I bought the mountain bike. I said to myself, “Alison! You are so eXtreme, you are going to kill those mountains!” But in reality what I did was get two dates in the same day with guys who were really good at mountain biking. Mind you, this was BEFORE I was married.

I think in total I dated three guys because of that mountain bike. But I totally didn’t buy it to get guys! I really did want to be an extreme biker chick. Instead I just pranced around in some spandex, figured out all the needed “key words” and managed to get some guy to carry my bike for me. I was never very good at it and I would fall off all the time. Like, ALL THE TIME. But like I said, I seriously suck at being coordinated.

I’ve never liked skiing or snowboarding. I used to think it was because I’m a big scardy-cat and I don’t like risk. But after years of toughening up and trying to be a go-getter, I decided, I can ski!

So I had a friend, (alright! You caught me, it was yet another boyfriend!) Get me all suited up to go skiing. I WAS HORRIBLE AT IT. And not because I was afraid of trying things. I just naturally zig in places you should obviously zag, and I ended up flying off of some random jump and rolling down the hill without my skis. It was awful. Not to mention embarrassing.

I don’t know why I can’t get it through my thick skull that I’m bad at sports, all sports, no matter how badly I want to be good at them. This weekend was yet another example.

Eric’s family decided to do a camping family vacation in Moab. They planned lots of fun, family-friendly activities. One of these activities was a family mountain bike ride on a fairly easy bike trail.

Even the “easy” trails in Moab aren’t THAT easy. But Eric’s mom was in tow, and she managed to handle it. The bikes were awesome and super fun because they were so nice. I started getting all “Alison is so tough and extreme like” and began to revert back to my old mountain biking days a bit.

Eric’s sister Courtney was just up ahead of me as we started heading downhill on some slick rock. Courtney, being smart and realistic, started slowing down a bit right as I was really starting to get some SWEET SPEED. I then realized I was about to head directly into the back of her so I started to brake. Well…you can all imagine the rest. I had to break to the point that it threw me off my bike, I tried to jump off the bike instead, when I proabably should have just fallen off, and I ended up being propelled from the bike with great speed into the slick rock. The good news was, Courtney was fine, the bad news was, I landed ON MY TEETH.

Yes, my two front teeth, flat against the slick rock. Eric was behind me and ran up to see if I was ok. Of course my only concern was for my teeth. He looked at them and didn’t see any obvious chips, so he said they were fine. I WAS SO TOUGH I didn’t even cry. I just, very very embarrassingly, got back on my bike, after Eric and his dad put the gears back in place, and finished the trail.

My leg was scratched up and bleeding, and I had some nasty bruises forming on my thy, but what I was most concerned about were my teeth. I was a little shaken, but still trying to play it cool. It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror after returning to the car that I really lost it.

I immediately started sobbing and looked at Eric and said, “MY TEETH! MY TEETH ARE CRACKED! YOU SAID THEY WEREN’T CRACKED!”

He came running up and double checked my hysteria. Yes, my two front teeth were in fact cracked. They look like surface cracks, you can’t see them unless you catch them in the right light. But there was no doubt about it. Sporty woman Alison had cracked her freaking teeth on the FAMILY BIKE RIDE.

The rest of the family, who were behind us, finished the trail and rode up to find me in the parking lot sobbing. I was SO EMBARRASSED. And then of course, everyone wanted to come and look at my teeth. I would have none of it. I instead got in the car and started silently sobbing because:

1. I was worried I would have to get caps or something awful

2. I DON’T HAVE INSURANCE

Eric’s family returned the bikes and we went to find a dentist. Which really sucks because we all know how I feel about the dentist.

He took some x-rays, blah blah blah, said I could finish out the vacation if I promised to go to the dentist first thing when I got back, yadda yadda, worst case scenario ROOT CANAL, sob sob. You know the drill.

He was a VERY nice dentist and I wish he didn’t live in Moab so I could go to him because I don’t have a dentist here yet. This was on Friday and my tooth still hurts today, so I don’t think that’s a good thing.

Anyway. That’s my story. And I hope we can all learn some important lessons:

1. Never follow to closely to others, whether it be on the bike or even in the car

and

2. Always renew your insurance within 30 days of quitting your job otherwise you will have to wait until January to get on your husband’s insurance through open-enrollment

I hope you can learn from my mistakes. Any dentist suggestions in the Orem area would be greatly appreciated.

xoxo

Alison

15 Comments

  1. Tim and Sara

    Ali, that is such a sad story! Come to Milwaukee, Tim is good at root canals!

  2. Mame

    I know one in Lehi….

    and let me say thank you for letting the rest of us have great enjoyment from your woes!

  3. ferociousnate

    Ali, sorry about your accident. But I still think you're super eXtreme.

  4. Wendy

    I can literally feel your pain and concern. I laughed and I cried while reading your little adventure while thinking of my own horror story with my two dead teeth from my son kicking me. BTW, I know a really good denitst.

  5. Julia

    My bro-in-law is a dentist in Provo. Gary Hulet. Look him up. He's great!

  6. lenalou

    Oh, honey! I totally related to the lack of coordination, but I am so sorry it ended this way this time! I hope you find a super nice dentist who doesn't have to do a root canal.

  7. Stephdeezy

    Umm yeah You don't know my but I know your sister. Anyways I'm a dental assistant and you should go to a dentist fo sho. But not the point – point being there's this awesome dentist in Lehi he's my cousin his name is Les Brooks and if you go in on Halloween he even dresses up to make it more fun! Srsly you'll love it! Best of luck you supergirl extremist

  8. tracyjax

    I have a huge fear of breaking my teeth. I put my hand over my mouth as I was reading–like that was going to change your story. I feel your pain! Good luck with the dentist. I have an excellent dentist in vegas…

  9. Breanne King

    alison—do you trust me?? Nathan Hanson kind of by wills pit stop. Tell him you know eddie and i and that you're scared and he'll take care of you. i've had nothing but great experiences with him.

  10. crystal

    oh my gosh Alison, I'm laughing my a** off right now! I'm so sorry, I feel awful for you, but the way you told the story is just so incredibly funny. I assure that if it had been me and MY teeth I would be even more hysterical than you are. I am a FREAK about my teeth (partially because I broke my front one in half in second grade. So now I baby the fake half of that tooth so I can avoid getting a crown…). Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about the accident and I'm even more sorry that you don't have insurance (dental bills are steep) and I'm even MORE sorry that I don't know any dentists in Orem to recommend. Best of luck and thanks for the laugh.

  11. DOMINICI

    Ooh sad, maybe Mikey can make you some new teeth. He can put Sprinkles decals on them! Or, he can make them in gold.

  12. Summer

    Helloooooooo….found this from the Mudricks, and I have to say-I'm in love with your blog already. Oh my–you may have a stalker on your hands. 🙂 Glad I found ya!

  13. Summer

    ….and I hope your mouth feels and looks better soon!

  14. Audrey

    Alison, this is the first time your blog actually freaked me out. Ask for extra laughing gas at the dentist, and those famous faulkner chompers will be back up to speed in no time.

  15. Trisha

    Stone Haven Dental in Lehi is the best, hands down. I got some crowns on my front teeth done by them, and they look amazing. I know it is not in Orem, but they are worth the drive. 🙂 They rule!

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