She’s aging rapidly.

I don’t know if I mentioned it…BUT I DON’T HAVE A JOB. And it’s starting to remind me a lot of this period of my life.

For a while it was like, “Oh, I will do this and that, and “freelance” and I don’t need a REAL job. I will make my own job!” And now it’s like, “I’M GOING TO LOSE WHAT LITTLE I HAVE LEFT OF MY ALREADY DECAYING MIND IF I DON’T GET OUT OF HERE.”

And, that’s what Eric, lucky boy, has had to put up with for the last 3 or 4 weeks. I’ve been working on some projects and going in part/part/part time at a place I used to work before, but other than that, it’s a lot of Alison alone drawing ponies and trying not to buy craft supplies online.

But even though I’m starting to get pretty depressed about the whole situation, and the fact that even if I did have a job I don’t have a car or real way to get there…I’ve been trying to focus on the perks of being unemployed. I would say that right now in my life the very best part of being an unemployed stay-at-home-loser-wife is the fact that I have nothing to interfere with my watching the Price is Right at 9 a.m. on channel 2. Absolutely no schedule conflicts (other than an occasional Zumba class at the gym) to keep me away from hundreds of cheesy screaming contestants and vicarious victories.

I’m serious. I really really LOVE the Price is Right. And I’ve had to miss out on it for like, the last 5 years. I think Drew Carey is awesome! I mean sure, we all miss Bob, but let’s be honest, he was downright mean at the end there.

Eric makes fun of me because other than diet coke, watching the Price is Right is one of the only things that can cheer me up when I start going into a “woe is unemployed me” monologue.

But I don’t care. There are so many good things about the Price is Right. It reminds me of being 10 years old in the summer. My friend and Michaela and I swam with the Blue Fins swim club, and we would have early morning practice and then go get maple bars at the donut shop and eat them while we watched the Price is Right. It was the best.

I love when people win! I love getting excited for them and watching them be SO happy. I love playing the guessing games and trying to figure out the price of some random brand name dining set.

Another great thing about watching the Price is Right is all of the commercials that go along with mid-morning television. And this is why Eric mocks me and says I’m an 80-year-old woman. There are more motorized scooter, AARP, type II diabetes and hearing aide ads than you can shake a walking stick at. It’s obvious I’m not the target market. And that’s probably because most able bodied 25-year-old women aren’t home at 9 in the morning shouting “LOWER! LOWER!” at their television sets.

This morning I was so happy for one woman that I had to stop myself from crying tears of joy for her. I know it’s ABSURD, but I could tell she was sincerely so grateful for what Drew Carey was offering her, and that it would probably make a real difference in her life, that I just couldn’t help but be touched by it! However, though I was so excited for the stout screaming woman on screen, it did cause me to realize that if I’m not careful I will very soon turn into a total and complete idiot who believes that television is reality.

And that’s why I must find a job. So if you have one for me, let me know. Otherwise I could be heading to the Scooter Store and applying for AARP a whole lot sooner than I should. And you’d have that resting on your conscience.

Alright well. I love you all. I’m probably not quite as big of a loser as I make myself out to be. But I could be getting pretty close.

Thanks for still reading the blog of a woman whose new most ambitious life goal is to spin the big wheel.

Kisses

(which I have been told I hand out like candy and I like that)

Alison

9 Comments

  1. Elle and Jared

    You forgot to mention that the other perk of unemployment is hanging out with stay-at-home moms. That is a perk…right???

  2. Nichelle

    someone give this talent some creative space/money so she can breathe! give her a job!

  3. PerniPwr

    aaron and i read your blog together whenever you post. we look forward to it. it makes us laugh so hard mostly because i can picture you doing/saying all the things you talk about and i recognize so much of your craziness in myself. how did we marry such normal men? the blond is so blinding.

  4. Jessica Dahlquist

    Thank you for putting into the perfect words an exact picture of what MY life looks like as well. Morning TV reminds me of being home sick from school and drinking sprite on the coach. Now, I'm not sick, but here I am on the couch watching "The Rege" and drinking Diet Coke. Despite the fact I will have a job to start in two weeks, it's just not soon enough. I am slowly losing my mind. Hang in there… good things are coming your way… how could someone not be desperate to hire you? It's madness.

  5. Heatherly

    Well Alison, your next choice is clear: you'll just have to have a baby. A job is so cliche these days anyway.

  6. m.m.

    i actually just read a job posting that would be perfect for you! only hitch…it's in seattle. want to come join us in the northwest?

  7. naomi

    I can't tell whether it's supportive or depressing that there are SO MANY of us who are unemployed. Employable, but somehow unemployed.

  8. jenny

    you're hilarious.

  9. Jordan

    Patrick won the showcase showdown once. I'm also a huge fan.

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