She has something to say about Twitter.

I have a few snotty opinions about certain things that I try to keep to myself. Mostly because I know that by sharing them the only thing I’d be doing is either pissing people off or making people feel stupid. And I don’t want to do either of those things.

I have a few opinions about Facebook, but I know to bring them up is to denounce literally EVERYONE in the world and not only their mother, but their grandmother. So instead of one of my usual diatribes, I’ll just say the reason I’m not on Facebook is because “I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.” Whatever it is you learn on Facebook, I don’t want to know. I personally feel that I can instead learn about whatever it is through a plethora of other mediums such as: phone, text, email, snail mail or GASP direct human contact. Do I miss out on party invites, requests and other updates? Yes, I do. But I also figure if you really like me you’ll send me a damn text.

But even though I don’t partake in Facebook, I can see the benefits and nice things about Facebook that have hooked so many. And it’s not like I don’t occasionally hop on a friends account to see a picture or two. I don’t think it’s inherently evil. Facebook will probably soon self-destruct anyway. But as for now, my brain just can’t handle the overload.

So even though I can get over Facebook, the one thing I cannot get over is Twitter.

Do you people Twitter? Do you Tweet? Are you a Tweeter?

I remember vaguely being introduced to Twitter years ago and thinking, “Who would ever do that!? This will never catch on.”

Unfortunately I was as wrong about Twitter never catching on as I was about overalls coming back in style. I’m still not ready to let go of my overalls and I’m still not ready to accept Twitter as a legit past time.

I participate in one of the most self-indulgent, narcissistic past-times a human can join in on (blogging) and I STILL can’t understand the appeal of twitter!

TO CONSTANTLY UPDATE PEOPLE WITH THE MUNDANE DETAILS OF YOUR EVERY MOVE? It’s just beyond me. Even if you’re a person who is as amazing as Johnny Depp, I still don’t see the value of following your every move.

One major reason I think Twitter has caught on is because it’s the one social medium that the baby boomers and 30+ crowd aren’t behind on. So they’ve latched onto it like it’s Botox in a bottle.

Do you know how many meetings I had to sit through at the Advertising Agency where I used to work and listen to my 50-something bosses talk about Twitter like they were in the know? We had informational meetings about Twitter. My 50ish year-old boss wrote an entire script with references to Tweeting for a client.

And you see it everywhere in the media now. Reality show judges, Radio DJ’s, basically all the old people still trying to make it in pop culture, reference their tweets with this sad sense of hipness.

I know a ton of celebrities and bloggers and even politicians tweet and I’m not even on Twitter, it’s info picked up from references. But are you wonderful salt-of-the-earth people tweeting? Or following these tweets? Is it really that interesting? Do you think it’s useful? I’m ready to hear someone defend Twitter or tell me the utility of it, because I’m continouslly baffled.

Everyone is allowed their indulgences, their guilty pleasures. I’m not claiming I only watch the History Channel and read the classics.

But Twitter? Come on. I feel like it’s just one more way to establish a false sense of intimacy. And this false sense of knowing others, of being connected to them through superficial carefully scripted blurbs just enables us to become more detached and misdirected.

Then again, maybe I’m just mad because a Tweet is like a teeny tiny, tiny blog post. And that just really pushes my buttons.

I think I’m turning into a cranky old lady. Maybe I should just put on my overalls and move to a ranch in Montana. But I sure as hell won’t be tweeting about it.

Alright. Tell me why I’m wrong.

xoxo

Alison

33 Comments

  1. emilyhutchison

    I just do not understand Twitter. I'm not dumb, but I just do not understand it. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I love pop culture gossip, but even I can't be bothered to read celebrities privately public tweets. I don't hate Twitter, I don't understand Twitter. The only "tweets" I would ever bother looking into would be Kristen Bell, and only if she could explain to me that last episode in season 3, because that is something else that just made no sense.

  2. Matt Clayton

    Amen sister!

  3. ADRIENNE

    valid thoughts, alison. it's funny, i just actually gave my unsolicited 2 cents about this at

    http://webtheory.wordpress.com/

    And yes, I have to laugh when "twitter" (the theoretical buzzword of ad agency meetings), starts becoming bigger than "twitter" the actual technology. People will grasp onto things pretty fast (myspace?)

  4. Nicole

    1) You are not wrong

    2) I am so glad to learn that I'm not the only one hanging on to my overalls from 1999!

  5. RayRay

    I agree with you on the whole facebook AND twitter thing… Currently not a subscriber to either, but admittedly addicted to blogging…

  6. Mike and Kim

    I don't use Twitter or Facebook. I already see more people from high school than I want to. I completely agree that the Twitter phenomenon right now is due to the older generation thinking that they "get" something on the web, but I will say this — it is a way for people to be heard when the man is getting them down. Check out Iran. I love the internet for being the unfettered voice of the people, and apparently Twitter is a part of that, no matter how ridiculous it is.

    I'm sure the Wolverines would have used it if it was around in 1984…

  7. crystal

    First of all, I love emilyhutchison's comment about looking up Kristen Bell and asking her about the terrible "season" finale. I'm still miffed about the way the CW cut the best show of all times and didn't even try to give us an ending.

    I'll be honest, I asked Taylor what Twitter was about 2 weeks ago. I'd heard people talking about it, but I just couldn't grasp the fact that people would really be in to something like as silly as twittering, seriously, what's the point??? I guess I'm not the only one who feels that way.

    Also, I'm so glad to hear that you're not a facebooker either. Taylor and I have been boycotting it despite all of our friends telling us how "out of touch" we are. Here's another confession. I totally broke down yesterday and made a facebook account so that I could see some of my friends' pictures. About 8 hours later I deleted because I couldn't handle it. Honestly, if I wanted to stay in contact with everyone from high school, i would have. But as it stands, I only remain close with the people that I really consider "friends".

  8. Kat Green

    Just read that Bing, Microsoft's new search engine, provides top tweets. That might be the right compromise. MS can pay somebody to wade through the insane tsunami of tweets and find the good ones. Bing also has hover messages on their front page photo everyday. One per day is just for fun. (There's my Microsoft commercial…)

  9. angela hardison

    You are hilarious, have I ever told you that? (Not sure how I found your blog but it keeps me entertained so thankyou).

    I completely agree with you, although I must admit I do see the value of it as a marketing tool for businesses — for example, if you have a bunch of followers and can update with a link to a new product for sale in your shop… it works.

    But for ordinary people? No, I don't really care what you're doing.

    And I am definitely REALLY sick of hearing about it.

  10. Mallory

    I swear it's like sometimes you read my freakin mind, and then explain it better than I ever could.

    In blog form no less!

    Perhaps next you could blog about how irritating it is when bloggers (or all people in general) have a High School diploma but absolutely zero grammar and/or punctuation skills! :O)

  11. AGO

    Hahah well I am one of the top tweeter in America so I feel I should speak.

    I use it to share breaking news. Stuff that will take standard media outlets to cover. That way i can get involved and help early on. Like when the Honduras coup happened I translated Spanish tweets to English so people in the US could know what was happening.

    Also I use to twitter to help share info. Not mundane details on my life ( though I do share those sometimes) Where else am I supposed to find really good aggregated data about changes in the web analytics and social media industry. Also following tweets allows me to find out how popular a topic is and can help me gauge how relevant a new strategy might be on my industry.

    Short and sweet if your a techie.. damn it's powerful.

  12. lenalou

    I think Twitter is ridiculous.

  13. naomi

    Twitter is gay.

  14. Alison

    now now Naomi, I don't think twitter is homosexual.

    xoxo

  15. Katie

    I don't tweet or post to facebook either.

    The end

  16. The Daily Kirk

    I think you need to accept we are heading towards the singularity. What is that you ask? It is the moment when humans and machines meld into one form giving us access to any and all information instantly. But on our way there we have to do things like have on-line representations of ourselves (facebook) and the ability to say anything we want to anyone instantly anywhere in the world (twitter). The difference between twitter and texting is minute. But it is fine. Fight the future all you want. We human/robots will have no mercy on you when the singularity comes.

  17. Julia

    What's Twitter? Oh is that the thing that Rick Sanchez and his other CNN colleagues use to elongate their newscasts and make it seem as though they are "in touch" with the public. Or the thing that Ashton Kutcher uses to increase his popularity among the 13-somethings and those without a life?

    Yeah…Twitter's pointless.

  18. hanner

    Who DOESN'T want to hear about the minutia in my life? What's life without a blog and a Facebook and a Twitter account? I don't want to know.

  19. Fish Nat!on

    Ha, I had my twitter freak out back in April http://fishkins.blogspot.com/2009/04/twitter.html

    I read this article in Time magazine that sort of explained why twitter wasn't simply a narcissistic nightmare of gargantuan proportions. Although it absolutely IS a narcissistic nightmare of gargantuan proportions. However, it does have merit I think.

    I mean, I learned about Michael Jackson's demise while I was playing croquet in a park because my friend had twitter. I went on to totally kick his ass, he was so distraught. See? Merit baby. And how else would I have found out about Miley Cyrus being pregnant at 2 am, if my friend had not received that EXTREMELY important tweet from Perez Hilton?

    Bullshit aside, read this, it all made a little more sense to me after I did. http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1902604,00.html

  20. audrey

    I personally don't tweet : ) but even if you do, I think that if you keep in mind your actual intimate, personal, tangible even, relationships and connections, then maybe you can keep your balance in this crazy world. Same goes for texting, emailing, and even phone calls. There's nothing like hearing someone's voice, but even better is to sit and talk one on one. Why else do we have these beautiful bodies with which to feel and taste and learn and absorb and create?… And in your case, LOVE : )

    Like most technology, there are pros and cons, and useful things can always become vices and addictions. I think that's just life: to sift through it all and make the best choices you can for the fullest life possible. Now a "full" life obviously means something different to everyone, but hey, thank goodness we have you out there blogging, to help people feel, give, and learn a little bit more about looove and livin'…

    For YOU, SheBlogs, SheBlogs, I wish you two mugfuls of hot chocolate with hazelnut creamer and a good friend and/or lover : ) with whom to share and ramble. (And "tweet," seeing as you DO like birds–wasn't your wedding bird themed?)

  21. hudd and anna

    hudd and i used twitter to find out things that were going on in shanghai. there would be spontaneous parties or roller discos that couldn't really be planned in advance because of permits and what not. i don't know about personal twitterers, but there are people who are like the LA weekly twitterers who let you know about goings on, and i like that.

  22. Liz

    Completely, 100% agree with your thoughts on Facebook and Twitter. I refuse to join in. It'll all be over soon.

  23. jenny

    Amen and Amen. I hate the twit. I think it is so so stupid. It's pathetic what we call entertainment these days. I refuse to join twitter. Just as I refused to hop on the Twilight bus. And oh, the word "tweet" just makes me want to go kill baby birds. I hate the lingo and I hate twitter.

  24. The Diaz Family

    You are definitely not wrong. I could have written the same exact thing. My husband is a twittering fool and I can't take it anymore! ARGH

  25. Jendar

    so i do have a facebook account, even though i hate having it, but it is an easy way for me to keep in touch with all my family and friends as we all live so far away from each other. in the other hand, i dont understand the tweet thing. i wish i could defend it and all, like i'm defending facebook, but i wont because i think is dumb. so i absolutely agree with your post.

  26. Fish Nat!on

    I find it entertaining that all of these comentors (or commentators?) Have absolutely negative things to say about a program they neither use, and have really only skimmed the surface of said programs uses. Everyone is so quick to dismis twitter because of the silly, narscisistic uses to whhich twitter is put to use. Just because people use something stupidly, does not make that thing stupid. Lots of people use the internet to simply look at porn and play world of warcraft al day long. This does not make the internet stupid, just the people using it in that particular forumn. and it is absolutely silly to think that twitter, or facebook for that matter will be going anywhere anytime soon. On the contrary; the programs will simply become more relevant and continue to revolutionize the way we live. Seriously, read the time article I posted. I thought twitter was the most moronic thing on the planet before I read that, because I didn't understand the merits. Now, I understand it is a pretty useful tool, once one simply weeds out the idiot factor.

  27. Kevin

    As buried as this comment will be, I'll make it nonetheless, if nothing more than to say that your puzzling absence from Facebook is now officially confirmed by your justified rant.

    Fortunately, your sister feels different and turned me onto this blog, (A Facebook of your own).

    I just want to say that out of all of the social vehicles on the internet, twitter is by far the most socially narcistic. The social validation people receive by broadcasting their constant mundane comings and goings is completely lost on me. I think '-worthy' should be reattached to all instances of 'news' so that people might again grasp the concept.

    Apropos, glad to see that you're alive and blogging well.

  28. Alison

    I read your article a while ago dear Fish. You know I'm a fan. Though I must admit the only thing I remembered about it was that you denied your Grandma on Facebook…which I totally respect.

    Sure it's useful. But I don't see it fulfilling any new need that some other medium doesn't fill. And sure, it will soon turn the want it fills into a need. A need that I think should be shot in the face: The GIMME GIMME GIMME NOW need. I respect that people use it to spread global news. Though I don't totally see how that is "helping" people who are suffering from disasters any faster than the Internet does. I think what it really does is give the same sense of that US Weekly-like need to know. Except with more important matters of course, instantly. Info we won't do anything with, except just feel good/better because we are in the know before others.

    Though I do totally agree about knocking it before you try it. Though I guess the same can be said of crack. All in all I simply choose bliss in oblivion. The human brain is only capable of retaining so much and having so many intimate relationships. (Read the Tipping Point) And mine simply overloads with so much "knowledge."

    I don't think it's evil, like I said, I'm just not buying the tool that is TRULY driving by marketing and advertising. Though, I guess all tools are.

    xoxo fishy

  29. Fish Nat!on

    A very valid point, dear alison. However, I still think there is a lot of value to it. Time will tell just how much, or if twitter is simply one more nail in the intimate human connection coffin. Although I suppose it could also be argued that it enhances intimate connections. This I will say- there is not a single person who commented here that wouldn't be more than thrilled to receive via telephone witty tidbits from our most beloved author of sheblogssheblogs a couple times a day. Don't lie to yourselves. It would be awesome.

    Ps. I am applying for an internship that involves ending poverty and feeding starving children or something. This NPO deals a great deal with different celebraties via twitter and other forumns in order to raise money. Or something. If I get it, ill let you know my take on twitter as a useful entity.

  30. john

    I don't want to know.

  31. Fish Nat!on

    I suppose then, its good that my comment wasn't directed toward you.

  32. john

    Phish nation,

    My comment was based upon the following: "I'll just say the reason I'm not on Facebook is because "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW." Whatever it is you learn on Facebook, I don't want to know."

    sorry for the confusion.

  33. AncientJeff

    I completely agree that Tweets R For Twits, BUT when I let my sister talk me into facebook, it directly resulted in a bankshot off of Andrea Faulkner, a carom into Marilyn Falkner, reverse English to Kathy Green, and then Allison Faulkner in the side pocket. If I had failed to grind my teeth and set up a facebook profile, I would NOT then be able to read the best blog in the history of the world. Which is THIS blog.

Leave Some Love

Your email address will not be published.




You Might Also Like


Super Duper Fly Dance Off!

WHOOOOOAAAA! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG POST I almost didn’t know if I could remember how!!! HA! But, I did, and I’m so glad, because I AM NOT kidding you it feels so damn good to be abusing ALL CAPS AGAIN! You know what also feels really really good? …


Build an Awesome Brand Workshop!

Hi! I’m Alison. Over the past 10 years building my business I’ve put my name in lights, danced with thousands of hot babes who believe in their own awesomeness, spoken at huge events, worked with fortune 500 companies, created six-digit yielding courses, hosted nationally recognized online dance contests, started the podcast of my dreams, and basically …


Alison’s State of Affairs April

Reflecting on the source of my strength: my bling. HAHA. But actually just ask Laura, the photographer, what mood I was in. Because it is more accurately reflected below. Well hello!!! Another month has come and gone, and so now it’s time for ALISON’S STATE OF AFFAIRS! Yes,  yes, I know I’m sharing a lot with …


Don't Miss a Podcast!

You're busy and we want to make listening to the podcast EASY. Sign up for Thought Nuggets and you'll get emails with quick synopses of episodes as they come out. Done is fun!