Let’s just start this post with this, NO, I’M NOT PREGGO. Ok. Now that is taken care of…
Lately my life has been invaded by small wiggly creatures with soft skin and limited verbal skills, no not worms, I’m talking about BABIES. Yes people, BABIES.
I am reminded of the best NutraGrain commercial in the world that contains this line: “Babies! Babies EVERYWHERE!” I feel like they’re falling from the rafters. Almost all of the other women with our company who are out here in Philadelphia with their husbands have babies, and unlike our church in downtown Salt Lake City that was full of recovering drug addicts and homeless people, this church is full of young couples and their offspring. You can’t listen to the sermons because you’re too busy playing peek-a-boo and rummaging through your purse for something to entertain whichever small person has toddled your way. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate their distraction, but I totally plan on blaming them for my inevitable damnation.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me a good baby. I just love me an ex-con AA member almost as much. Seriously though, I probably love babies more than your average person. I’m just not used to being around so many of them.
Now if we will recall a few months back when I, cough cough, got a puppy, there was some debate as to people getting puppies in place of children. If I remember correctly people posted and said that puppies and babies have little in common and that one cannot replace the other or prepare you for the other…babies are human, puppies are canine…something along those lines.
But I have to say, after being a puppy owner for a couple of weeks, and being around a lot of babies (obviously this limited interaction has made me a total expert on both!) I don’t totally agree that puppy-care and child-care are mutually exclusive.
I watch these moms chasing around their babies, fretting about their feeding schedule, and doing their damnedest to interpret the non-verbal signs, and I can’t help but fondly reminisce of the golden days that “Pony” and I spent together. Both babies and puppies totally dominate your schedule. And that was the #1 problem I had with the puppy! I felt personally accosted when he needed me to take him to the bathroom. I felt like I couldn’t get one thing done because I constantly had to tend to him, and yet at the same time I couldn’t leave him alone because I felt like if he was out of my sight he would probably die a horrible death.
I realize taking care of a baby has deep soul-filling meaning, and that taking care of a puppy is ultimately mostly self-serving. After a day of doing nothing but taking care of a child you probably feel more accomplished than after a day of doing nothing but taking care of a puppy. But still, after failing miserably as a puppy mama I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about being a baby mama.
I also have a lot of pregnant friends right now. I guess it’s just that time of life for me. But I’ve seen first-hand, and also read in books and crap, how easy-going moms have easy-going babies and anxiety stress-laden moms get little stress-case babies. So even though I’m not planning on having children for a while, I’ve been trying to change my personality so that when I am pregnant I’m not stressed and full of anxiety.
Shockingly enough it’s not working. Apparently I’ve been this way for a while. But if I had a hospital-worthy panic attack after two weeks with a puppy, HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO HAVE A BABY? And because there are so many babies around me it just seems like everybody else just has babies like on their way to yoga without so much as a mild meltdown.
So my question is HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO THAT? I saw half an episode of “Birth Day” on TLC today and I cried for like half an hour. It was so traumatic.
I really don’t want to have kids for a while. Mostly because I think I owe it to my future child to be somewhat sane before I do, but then I mean, I have sex, birth control doesn’t always work! I COULD BE PREGNANT AT ANY MOMENT.
So I applaud all of you moms, the new ones and the old ones. All the pregnant ladies and all the women who can mentally handle the idea of having a baby. I think you’re doing a great job. Any books I should read? I like to REALLY prepare for things like years in advance.
OK. No more TLC for this girl. In other news I’ve been sick. Which isn’t too bad when you don’t have to go to work, just mildly annoying. I don’t know maybe I shouldn’t have let like 3 kids play with my chapstick at church.
I love all of you and your babies.