She talks about herself too much.

If that headline isn’t the epitome of a Captain Obvious comment, then I don’t know what is.

I have this problem. Yes, another one. And here it is: I think I have to explain everything about myself to everyone. I think I owe everyone and their mom an explanation. Take today for example. The Comcast guy was coming between 9 and 11am to set up cable on our 10″ TV. And as if that isn’t embarrassing enough in and of itself, I was still in my PJ’s.

So this huge guy shows up at 11:05am, I’m not wearing a bra and I still have sleepies in my eyes and I say all crazy like, “OH! I swear I’m not still in my PJ’s!” And after I laugh heartily at my own lame joke, he looks at me like I’m a nut, and then walks into my apartment.

And I have to fight, FIGHT every natural reaction, every urge, every involuntary spasm, to start explaining to this random man, whom I will never see again, why I am at home at 11am on a Tuesday wearing my electric blue shirt that has a bear juggling on it…without a bra.

“Oh I work from home…” I stop myself from saying.

“I used to work in an advertising agency so, yeah, but then we moved so…” I reign back into my big mouth.

“Came from Salt Lake City last week, ya, we have a bigger TV in Utah, it’s like 15″ maybe 20″…” I catch the stupid quip in my throat before it slides off my tongue.

I’ve been conscious of this problem lately, my need to explain everything, and so I challenged myself not to breath a word. Instead I kept my jammie-clad self busy by doing the dishes and repeatedly offering the cable guy a homemade muffin, which he kept saying no to. And then again, I had to stop myself from saying:

“Yeah, well, since we just moved here, and my husband works all the time, I don’t have that much to do. And I don’t know anyone, and the roads are confusing…so I’ve been baking and cooking a lot because one of the only places I’ve figured out how to get to is the grocery store, and I think these banana muffins are really good, and I don’t know anyone else and I can’t eat 20 muffins alone, or at least I shouldn’t so, here, please TAKE A DAMN MUFFIN.”

But again, I was strong. And kept it to myself.

And the whole reason I’ve been realizing my compulsory need to “SHARE” is because we had to give Pony to a new home last week. And I know I’m not obligated to tell everyone, but of course, I feel like I HAVE to. And ever since that sad day I haven’t wanted to blog because I don’t want to have to tell anyone that Pony is gone. Because it’s depressing and embarrassing, and I’m ashamed of not being able to keep him, and because the last thing I wanted to be was one of those people who contributes to the problem of too many animals without homes (he went to a great home, but I bought a puppy instead of adopting, which I know lots of people are against) and mostly because it was just, really, really, sad. And I’ve been really, really sad.

And for some reason, I feel like I owe everyone some huge explanation. Even though I know I don’t. But explaining the whole situation would cause me to open up even more than I already have, and I’m just not at a point where I can do that. But in short, it was a bad time, a bad apartment, and a bad mental and emotional state to get a puppy in. (DUH! I know that now.)

So in reality, a blog where I talk about myself all the time, is actually a really bad idea for me in a lot of ways because I have this tendency to over-share, and then feel vulnerable. When in reality, no one really cares, except me. But the reason that I want to share so much is because I just want to make other people feel comfortable, give them some common ground. Help them feel not so alone. Then again, maybe I’m the one who needs to feel comfortable and that’s why I share so much. And THEN AGAIN, I could just blame the habit on my mother, who shares everything with everyone too. (Sorry mom, it’s just too easy not to play that card.)

So, that’s that. I don’t know how much more I’ll keep blogging, not that it would dramatically affect anyone’s life besides mine. I have another/different kind of blog I think I’m gonna start working on. So I’ll let you know about that.

Then again, we all know how I am. I’m sure I’ll be on some huge OTHER tangent tomorrow.

Bah. I love you. I miss you. I miss Pony.

This could be one of the only things that could cheer me up:


My little sister in a work-out video. Which, I’d like to make a plug for, because Miss Liz Posy Jones of POJO Fitness is a fantastic instructor and I have no doubt that her video will kick your butt. (My sister is the one in the back with the pink POJO headband.)

Alright people. I have to get back to my busy schedule of trying to get rid of 20 delicious Banana Crunch muffins. I know, I know, my life is like, really hard.

xoxo

15 Comments

  1. crystal

    Ok, seriously, if you even hint about not blogging I might just have a nervous breakdown. How could you stop blogging!? Your posts give me something to enjoy throughout my sometimes meaningless day. Don’t ever mention those words in the same sentence again or else…

    (ok, that sounded like a threat; I guess it might be if you’re even semi-serious about moving on.)

  2. anth and steph

    alison – i love that you’re so open on your blog. it’s so much fun to read. please don’t stop sharing! i’m sorry pony is gone 🙁 can we please see you in philly? we’re moving to jersey in a month! hopefully we can get together with you guys, nate and nichelle while we’re there!

  3. Tim and Sara

    Oh Ali, a couple of things:
    a) I really want one of those banana muffins and I would’ve helped you eat all 20.
    b) Who else are you supposed to blog about? Other people? That would be rude.
    c) Your blog makes me laugh at work – and I need you to provide comic relief becomes a lot of times my work is sad.
    d) You know what REALLY bad pet owners do? They beat and starve their animals, tie them up, and let them sit in their own feces until they die or the neighbors notice. So guess what? YOU’RE DOING JUST FINE, SWEETHEART.

  4. naomi

    Your willingness to share defines you and sets you apart from the rest of us who lack the guts to do it. BLOG BLOG BLOG!

  5. Sean

    It’s posts like this that make me wish i was still living back in philly instead of stupid poway. Take care, Ali, and hope you enjoy Philly. It’s a great town. I’m sorry about Pony..

  6. Sharon

    Sorry to hear about Pony. I’ll try and be sympathetic–although that would be a dream of mine, that we couldn’t keep OUR new puppy! Moving is lonely and it’s hard to start over with friends and such–but hang in there! We love you and LOVE to hear what your thinking–and your blog makes my day every time I read it! You are so funny and such a good write! So keep it up!!!

  7. Tiffany

    oh man im right there with you on this one sister! it is almost impossible for me to fight this as well. keep it comin. next time i am in my pjs at 11am which will likely be in the near future, i need this blog to keep me entertained. smooches

  8. Bek

    ali, hi. do yoga. find a studio close to your house and make that your home away from home. you’ll meet so many interesting people and maybe you could blog about them (but keep blogging about yourself too).

    that was the first thing i did when i moved to sf and i’ve made so many friends through that and my body is freakin’ hot right now. i’m just sayin’…

    May 1, 2009   |   Reply
  9. AshleyPulsipher

    Well… I like to read about what you are up to. I will miss you if you stop blogging. Please don’t!

    May 1, 2009   |   Reply
  10. Kat Green

    If you abandon She Blogs She Blogs, it will be like when Mash went off the air. Sorry you didn’t get to keep Pony after all the happy anticipation, and after lugging him across the country. Is life any brighter today???

    May 4, 2009   |   Reply
  11. 007

    You remember that one time in Belize when that storm came out of no where and the wind was crazy. We were running back to the hotel and yet you stopped and posed for a picture (as you had a towel around your neck in superman,uh hmm, woman fashion). Well it was a great picture, still have it somewhere I’m sure, and I would just like to say that I don’t think you were so much posing 😉

    May 4, 2009   |   Reply
  12. Alicia

    I am so sorry to hear about Pony and that he is gone. I know how hard it can be to have to give up a pet, I had to find a new home for our family dog of 9 years after Scott and I got married. I was working and going to school and in no place to take him on and my mom didn’t have the energy for him at the time. It can be heartbreaking, I also learned a lot from it.
    Good luck in your new place! We are just a drive away (well, kind of a long drive but we are here on the east side with ya!) By the way, I need to make muffins now…

    May 4, 2009   |   Reply
  13. Mike

    People that write, write about themselves. Maybe not always their whole selves, but all good writers paper-spelunk through their inner caverns for source material — that’s what makes their work real.

    Mark Twain was Huck Finn thumbing his nose at the racism of his age, and Raskolnikov was Dostoevsky carrying out the murder/morality experiment he couldn’t attempt in real life.

    So assuming you’re not planning on giving up writing — which would be a tragedy — make peace with the fact that you’ll be writing about yourself.

    “There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.”

    ~Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith

    Hope to read your post next week.

    May 4, 2009   |   Reply
  14. vanessa

    i just found your blog. and i want you to know i do this too. bad. like i consider it a personal victory when i don’t. really glad i’m not alone on this…

    May 5, 2009   |   Reply
  15. Davenport Dame

    Come back! Your blog gets me through the day!

    May 7, 2009   |   Reply

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