If that headline isn’t the epitome of a Captain Obvious comment, then I don’t know what is.
I have this problem. Yes, another one. And here it is: I think I have to explain everything about myself to everyone. I think I owe everyone and their mom an explanation. Take today for example. The Comcast guy was coming between 9 and 11am to set up cable on our 10″ TV. And as if that isn’t embarrassing enough in and of itself, I was still in my PJ’s.
So this huge guy shows up at 11:05am, I’m not wearing a bra and I still have sleepies in my eyes and I say all crazy like, “OH! I swear I’m not still in my PJ’s!” And after I laugh heartily at my own lame joke, he looks at me like I’m a nut, and then walks into my apartment.
And I have to fight, FIGHT every natural reaction, every urge, every involuntary spasm, to start explaining to this random man, whom I will never see again, why I am at home at 11am on a Tuesday wearing my electric blue shirt that has a bear juggling on it…without a bra.
“Oh I work from home…” I stop myself from saying.
“I used to work in an advertising agency so, yeah, but then we moved so…” I reign back into my big mouth.
“Came from Salt Lake City last week, ya, we have a bigger TV in Utah, it’s like 15″ maybe 20″…” I catch the stupid quip in my throat before it slides off my tongue.
I’ve been conscious of this problem lately, my need to explain everything, and so I challenged myself not to breath a word. Instead I kept my jammie-clad self busy by doing the dishes and repeatedly offering the cable guy a homemade muffin, which he kept saying no to. And then again, I had to stop myself from saying:
“Yeah, well, since we just moved here, and my husband works all the time, I don’t have that much to do. And I don’t know anyone, and the roads are confusing…so I’ve been baking and cooking a lot because one of the only places I’ve figured out how to get to is the grocery store, and I think these banana muffins are really good, and I don’t know anyone else and I can’t eat 20 muffins alone, or at least I shouldn’t so, here, please TAKE A DAMN MUFFIN.”
But again, I was strong. And kept it to myself.
And the whole reason I’ve been realizing my compulsory need to “SHARE” is because we had to give Pony to a new home last week. And I know I’m not obligated to tell everyone, but of course, I feel like I HAVE to. And ever since that sad day I haven’t wanted to blog because I don’t want to have to tell anyone that Pony is gone. Because it’s depressing and embarrassing, and I’m ashamed of not being able to keep him, and because the last thing I wanted to be was one of those people who contributes to the problem of too many animals without homes (he went to a great home, but I bought a puppy instead of adopting, which I know lots of people are against) and mostly because it was just, really, really, sad. And I’ve been really, really sad.
And for some reason, I feel like I owe everyone some huge explanation. Even though I know I don’t. But explaining the whole situation would cause me to open up even more than I already have, and I’m just not at a point where I can do that. But in short, it was a bad time, a bad apartment, and a bad mental and emotional state to get a puppy in. (DUH! I know that now.)
So in reality, a blog where I talk about myself all the time, is actually a really bad idea for me in a lot of ways because I have this tendency to over-share, and then feel vulnerable. When in reality, no one really cares, except me. But the reason that I want to share so much is because I just want to make other people feel comfortable, give them some common ground. Help them feel not so alone. Then again, maybe I’m the one who needs to feel comfortable and that’s why I share so much. And THEN AGAIN, I could just blame the habit on my mother, who shares everything with everyone too. (Sorry mom, it’s just too easy not to play that card.)
So, that’s that. I don’t know how much more I’ll keep blogging, not that it would dramatically affect anyone’s life besides mine. I have another/different kind of blog I think I’m gonna start working on. So I’ll let you know about that.
Then again, we all know how I am. I’m sure I’ll be on some huge OTHER tangent tomorrow.
Bah. I love you. I miss you. I miss Pony.
This could be one of the only things that could cheer me up:
My little sister in a work-out video. Which, I’d like to make a plug for, because Miss Liz Posy Jones of POJO Fitness is a fantastic instructor and I have no doubt that her video will kick your butt. (My sister is the one in the back with the pink POJO headband.)
Alright people. I have to get back to my busy schedule of trying to get rid of 20 delicious Banana Crunch muffins. I know, I know, my life is like, really hard.