She’s pulling her sh*t together.

I figured since it was in the headline I would edit it. But really, there is no other way to say what I’m trying to accomplish today. Which is basically to just not have one big nervous break down and at the same time, pack up everything I own. So in a sense that could be the most fitting title I’ve ever written. BRAVO!

It’s my last day of work today. My last time posting from this little cubicle. My last time getting paid while I post! I wanted the people at work to know I love them, to know that they’re special, so amidst packing up my kitchen I decided to make like a bazillion sugar cookies to bring to work. Could I make just regular cookies that don’t require hours of chilling, rolling, cutting and frosting? No. Had to be the sugar cookies. Could I frost them with regular easy store-bought frosting? Nope. I had to make royal frosting from scratch. And because that probably means nothing to you, I will explain that royal frosting sets with that professional looking glaze. It’s fab. But it’s also really hard to get the right consistency and it takes a while for the frosting the dry or set. So, I was up til like 1 in the morning trying to frost these blue hearts for LOVE COMMUNICATIONS. And of course, things did not go well. Blue frosting still hangs from the ceiling. But instead of having one of my famous Alison Faulkner Melt Downs, I said, “I’m going to bed, I’ll fix them in the morning.”

So I woke up early this morning with the hopes of “fixing” the cookies and making them look at least presentable. As a side note, I do not care about taste. If what I make does not look good, be it sugar cookies or a raspberry cheesecake that I spent $40 on ingredients for…(Alexis’ bday 2004) I will simply throw it away in a fit of rage and fury, causing small children to run for cover and close friends and family to seriously reevaluate how unconditional their love for me really is.

Back to crazy Alison frosting cookies at 7am. They were looking decent. Not how I wanted, but still good enough not to cry about. I let them set…or so I thought, and then got ready for work.

I knew I should have waited til lunch to pack them up, but I was happy and in a good mood, and not feeling crazy so I threw caution to the wind and stacked the cookies (with wax paper mind you) in a Tupperware and left for work. It was somewhere between first and second south when I realized that the cookies were getting smooshed. It was somewhere between State and Main that I called Eric yelling, “I JUST CAN’T HANDLE THIS EMOTIONALLY RIGHT NOW! THEY’RE RUINED!!!” It was somewhere between West Temple and 2nd West that I tried to pull it together and stop crying. And it was only after, swearing crying, and then deep rhythmic breathing that I walked into the office and decided to do the following:

I will NOT throw the cookies away like a mad woman. I will simply put them out with a sign that reads:

“I made these cookies to show you I love you and that I have loved working with you. Please forgive that these cookies are mangled and deformed, but like my heart, they revolted at the thought of leaving you.”

With all my love,

Alison Faulkner

And that my friends, is all she wrote.


Crazy Face

p.s. YES! Today I pick up Pony! I made dog bone cookies and THOSE did turn out fabulously.

p.p.s. I can’t show you a picture of the cookies because then you’d feel obligated to say, “They look fine!” And they do look fine, if you’re a slob of a human and not an neurotic perfectionist.


  1. Evan

    oh ali

  2. +L

    i prefer mangled cookies. really. so long as someone else baked them. but a mangled cookie on my dime? no way. i’ve been known to throw away perfectly “fine” baked goods myself. pefectionism- what can you do?

  3. lenalou

    Hate to be predictable, but…they look fine! And they really do taste delicious–I can taste the love 🙂

  4. Alex

    maybe your best post ever

  5. Sharon

    Love you!

  6. kimmy girl

    i believe we can blame it on the way we were raised. but sweet ali, i am very proud of you for letting everyone enjoy the cookies and making a great sign that made it even more fun than perfect cookies. xo.

  7. Being Ausmus

    i definitely remember the cheesecake incident in ’04. i bet everyone loved your cookies 10x more because of the amazing sign…i know i would.

  8. Jen Clark

    I know how you feel! Packing, saying goodbye, and everything else is SO overwhelming! Just put a 12-pack of Diet Coke in the fridge and for heaven sakes, keep the packing tape and black marker by your side at ALL TIMES! I think I spent more time looking for those things than I did actually packing. Good luck and enjoy your new fur child!

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