She’s not gonna’ take it anymore.


Please read the above ad.

Now, I get that google ads has like, subject-based super powers, and that it creates your ads around your content like some sort of Big Brother mind reader…but why in hell am I getting ads about REDUCING STRETCH MARKS ON MY SITE???

What could I have possibly written that would prompt the all-knowing google ads to post crap like that? Hmm? Did they assume that because I drink DIET Coke, that I must be on a diet because of the TRAGIC and GIGANTIC stretch marks that, no doubt, ALL Diet Coke drinkers have? Or did they just assume that the only people who would read a ridiculous blog about ponies and desk jobs must, most assuredly, have stretch marks? Now that’s just an insult to you!

Just because not everyone knows how to get married, have a full-time job, and have a husband who tells her she looks pretty even when her clothes are too tight and she insist on driving though Del Taco NOWWW, just because not everyone knows how to do this and not get a tad bit squishy now and then, doesn’t mean that they need help reducing some alleged stretch marks!

Maybe they have decided to stop focusing on feeling fat and start focusing on kicking ass. Maybe they are focusing on living in the present moment, and cherishing life’s little gifts. And maybe one of these little gifts from life just happens to be a, gasp, stretch mark.

But you know what, I will not let my life be controlled by wanting to REDUCE STRETCH MARKS just because some ad suggests that I have stretch marks, and therefore they need eliminating. Will you?

I sure hope not. I hope you will stand up with me and say, “Hey world! Maybe I have a stretch mark or two and you know what, I don’t care!” I hope you will spend all weekend making healthy choices and enjoying (hopefully) the sunshine not because you think your ass looks big, but because you love vegetables dammit, and, ‘Thank you! Yes, I love sweating.”

And you know what, if you sit on your butt all weekend watching VH-1 countdowns and yelling at the TV whenever you disagree with a reality-show contestant, I hope you OWN that too.

Because life is too short to worry about stretch marks, and they are so easy to cover up with clothing you bought to make yourself feel better about said stretch marks to spend any real time thinking about.

So I’d like to apologize for that ad that you would have probably never seen, and probably never ever clicked on. And you know what I’d like to apologize for advertising in general. Stay true to yourself, love who you are. Only you can be you, and you’re exactly what you should be.

I have to get back to work now, but for the sake of all that’s holy, I say to you… go to R.C. Willey where it’s, “Your home. Your way!” Stop by Artic Circle, “Where the good stuff is”, and for hell’s sake, buy some property from Summit Center, where you can “Work Inspired.” And love yourself.

10 Comments

  1. crystal

    You just made me embrace these God forsaken stretch markers that now cover like 90% of my body. 3 cheers for Alison!

  2. Nate Housley

    I feel alienated

  3. jenny

    you’re hilarious! i love seeing what ads pop up in my gmail when i get emails from people. they are so random sometimes.

    and i have a hundred zillion stretch marks from kate that i just discovered this week so i much appreciated this inspirational post!!

  4. ZLB

    i think its because you said love your GUTS. gut=stretch marks. maybe?

  5. JenErik

    My mother (bless her heart) calls stretch marks – especially those that come from being pregnant “Love Lines”. Take about a good attitude. We all need to be more like Kay 🙂 Love you.

  6. naomi

    In my gmail inbox, I get ads for hookah bars, recipes for things including cream cheese, and speed dating. I’m not sure what this says about me.

  7. Alison

    Bob! Lot’s of men get stretch marks. Just wait baby!

  8. Nate Housley

    I feel alienated because you’re over-analyzing. Why do I get vibrator spam? Who knows? Relax.

  9. Alison

    So noted.

  10. Global Saloon

    What I love is that it was 2:27 when you blogged and that you had to get back to work. You are a genius. Technically you could have billed three clients for your blog.

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