She Demands to be Taken Seriously!

You know just because I’m a tad, and I mean a TAD bit dramatic, it doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t take me seriously.

I’m sharp, I’m with it, I know what’s going on. And even though I downplay things with this bubbly exterior, it doesn’t mean you should ignore what I say.

So when I waltzed into that dentist office, and joked, “Oh! Get the restraints!” It doesn’t mean that when I later politely ask for the happy gas, they can say, “Oh you! You! You jokester! You’re fine.”

No! The 17-year-old hygienist in her Hot Topic accessories should go get the damn gas because I asked for it. And the dentist, who lavishes me with flattery, shouldn’t try to trick me into thinking “Oh you’re tough! You can handle this!” Because after 25 years I know what I can handle. And you know what I can’t handle? THE DENTIST.

If they had just given me the gas in the first place I wouldn’t have had to embarrass myself by getting all worked up, seeing the needle, leaping out of the chair, and bursting into tears, while asking in a panic-stricken tone “Are you gonna do that now?”

I TOLD THEM I COULDN’T HANDLE IT! I know it’s my fault for working myself up, posting like a 100 blog posts about it, and then hyperventilating on the way over, but you know what? It’s just the way I am. I build everything up really big. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad. And when it’s bad thing to be worked up about, whoever is involved should just shut their mouths and hand me whatever legal or illegal substances they have handy.

So, after having the Doctor roll his eyes, and then ask for the nurse to bring in the gas, I was perfectly fine. Humiliated, but fine. Halfway through the fillings (I had two cavities, of course one on each side) the gas tank turned off. The nurse made a note of this to the Dentist.

Questionably young assistant: “The tanks are off, but you already did the shots. Do you want me to turn the gas back on?”

Doctor who can’t fathom what on earth I’m so worked up about: “Yeah, it’s just easier that way.”

Obviously, when I’m on the gas, I giggle up a storm and profusely apologize for being a baby. I tried to tell him, “I run marathons! I’m tough! I swear!” Be he didn’t believe me. He even asked me questioningly later, “You really run marathons?”

HELL YES. And you know what, just to prove how tough I am, I’m signing up for another one. And if you would like to prove how tough you are too, I invite you to join me.

The Salt Lake Marathon is on April 18th. It has greatly improved every year, and was even ranked as a Runner’s World top new marathon to try. The reason why this is perfect to sign up for right now, is because it is over 18 weeks away. Which means you can safely start an 18 week training program and get your butt in gear.

If this little wimp can do it, you can too.

So join me friends! In this 26.2 mile quest to prove to all those needle wielding, drill loving, white coat wearing bullies, that I DEMAND TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

To sign up for the marathon go here.

For a great beginner training program, visit this wrinkly old running guru here.



Zena Warrior Princess


  1. ZLB

    i hear you sister. i fainted on my mission from a tb test. yeah. that was embarrassing. i can’t help it. but i know i’m tough too! i use power tools on a regular basis!

  2. shelly

    Again…I’m SO sorry! I feel your pain. Been there. Done that.

  3. JenErik

    sounds like me. glad you survived (barely). I don’t wish to go to the dentist ever again. What surprise did eric get you? 🙂

  4. crystal

    Alison, in no way do I mean to come across “uppity”, but I feel I must make a correction to your word usage so that all of your fine readers can become a little more enlightened.

    A Hygienist is actually a licensesed professional who completed 2 years of pre-requisite science college courses and 2 years in a Dental Hygiene program at an accredited university. A Hygienist is licensed to give injections, adminster nitrous (the gas)and is second in dental knowledge only to the dentist. Therefore, I highly doubt that the 17 year old, hot topic accessory wearing girl was really a hygienist. She was most likely an assistant. An assistant can be trained on the job or go to a technical school and can basically be as young as the doctor will hire. I started assisting my dad when I was 16 and was trained in his office. I then went to BYU and Weber State where I graduated with my bachelors degree in Dental Hygiene.

    phew… that’s it. I’m sorry to get stuck on such a nit picky point, but it kills me when my patients come in and while I’m slaving away in all my infinite wisdom on their teeth, ask me if I’m ever going to school…. I’m surprised I’ve never poked someone’s eye out after a question like that.

  5. Alison

    Crystal! I’m glad you stepped in! I would in no way want to demean the Hygienist, because (and because of you!) I know the amount of schooling they go through! They are more qualified for their job than I am.

    I’m sure this little girl was an assistant, and it makes me feel better to know that she was not giving me the shot.

    And I think you should poke people’s eyes out. Or at least make their gums bleed.

  6. maxeverything

    “Xena vs. the Dentist” would be a good follow up to “Xena vs. Army of Darkness”

  7. jeff

    this is what i deleted then wrote again:

    next time i see you and eric im gonna smoke you out without questions.

    “whoever is involved should just shut their mouths and hand me whatever legal or illegal substances they have handy.

  8. fraggLe+monkEy+shysteR

    to have been a fly on the wall during your dentist experience…

  9. Tim

    Ali, it hurts me to read your dental posts. I promise that if you want to visit me and Sara when you need dental work done, I will just straight up knock you out, then give you some marijuana, coke, whatever, just to get you through the next week. Dentists can totally get their hands on that stuff, seriously.

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