Do you know how many times a day I sit at my desk, pecking away at my keyboard, and stop to think…”Seriously…WHO GOES TO BIKINI CUTS???”
Recently, like once an hour every hour.
I kid you not. This question has been haunting me in my sleep. In my work. In my everything. I drive around the SLC, yelling at cars that are going too slow, singing along to top 40 favorites…and then I get lost in my thoughts. Soon thereafter I will be all riled up about Prop 8, the Presidential election and…Bikini Cuts.
Who, honestly, WHO goes there?
If you are not familiar with Bikini Cuts, I will give you a quick tutorial. Because, while the news stations will drown you in Prop 8 info and Obama yo’ mama gossip galore, they’re stingy with their Bikini Cuts updates.
In short, Bikini Cuts is a salon that employs girls in bikinis to cut your hair. I’m under the impression they are hair school grads. Somehow, I don’t think I’m their demographic. Anyway, they used to have a location in downtown Salt Lake City, but now they have relocated to West Jordan i.e. soccer mom land.
I pulled the following info from the Bikini Cuts website:
“Bikini Cuts, Utah’s Hottest Salon, is a lot more than just a beautiful girl in a bikini cutting your hair. I know, I know, you’re thinking to yourself “who needs more?!”, but here at Bikini Cuts it’s not just about getting the best haircut you’ve ever had, it’s about having the best salon experience of your life! We all know how uptight and girlie most salons are, so here at Bikini Cuts we do everything we can to make the Bikini Cuts experience the best salon experience a guy can have!”
If it’s such a manly experience then why do they offer lip waxing?? RIDDLE ME THIS. Anyway. The salon is stocked with massage chairs, Maxim, and boobs. You can go on the website and read about the “stylists”, look at pictures of them in their bikinis and read about their favorites. Tonya loves movies, dancing, and sleeping in. Her turn ons are a good smile, nice feet, well dressed guys, a nice butt, and tattoos. Kiss kiss TONYA!
But you know what, it’s not the exploitation of women that really bothers me. Fill a store with almost naked babes and call it good. I’m not your biggest fan but I’m not picketing your store either. But you know what does bother me? I can’t figure out…
WHO GOES THERE?
To examine why this boggles me let’s compare it to another retail chain dedicated to providing men with only slightly pornographic service: Hooters. Cue the, “No really, I go for the wings!” Now, Hooter’s makes sense. You grab your buddies, pound some wings, wash them down with some beer and oogle the ladies. You can high five, you can cat call, whatever…but see…you are WITH FRIENDS.
Now let’s discuss Bikini Cuts. A hair cut is a totally personal experience. Something that is usually done alone. I do not know of any male who calls their heterosexual male friend to squeal, “Let’s go get a trim!!!” No, they suck it up and go it alone. Even I, yes ME, can get a haircut alone. (Though I prefer when Eric sits by my side to tell me I’m pretty at all stages.) But the problem with Bikini Cuts is, you pretty much HAVE to go alone. And how many males feel comfortable all alone in an only semi-racy scenario? Some I’m sure, but it can’t be an overwhelming amount IN UTAH.
The atmosphere of the salon really does look appealing in a way. I mean they went to a lot of effort to make it, “Summer all year long!” But here is where Bikini Cuts failed…they tried to make a singular personal experience (a haircut) something that you do as a group (oogle at hot babes.) And this, my dear Bikini Cut owners, was where Alison Faulkner thinks you dropped the ball.
Hooters on the other hand took a group activity (beers and wings) and added boobs. Hence the fame, popularity and regular cameos in plot lines of The Office. Insta-success.
But all this is neither here nor there. What I ask of you, dear, blessed readers, is for any ANY story, hearsay, news, tales, or experiences you’ve heard of that take place at Bikini Cuts. Do you know anyone who has gone there? Who are they!? Do you know any Bikini Cutters? WHO ARE THEY? Please help me. I’m so curious I could die. And if I wasn’t totally obsessive, shallow, and protective of my hair, I’d go get a bikini cut myself. But as a rule, I don’t let anyone with better boobs than me cut my hair. That’s why Patrick (my stylist at Shep Salon) and I get along so swimmingly.
Anyway don’t be a prude, dish it. DISH IT!
I love you all.