She wore an itsy bitsy…

Do you know how many times a day I sit at my desk, pecking away at my keyboard, and stop to think…”Seriously…WHO GOES TO BIKINI CUTS???”

Recently, like once an hour every hour.

I kid you not. This question has been haunting me in my sleep. In my work. In my everything. I drive around the SLC, yelling at cars that are going too slow, singing along to top 40 favorites…and then I get lost in my thoughts. Soon thereafter I will be all riled up about Prop 8, the Presidential election and…Bikini Cuts.

Who, honestly, WHO goes there?

If you are not familiar with Bikini Cuts, I will give you a quick tutorial. Because, while the news stations will drown you in Prop 8 info and Obama yo’ mama gossip galore, they’re stingy with their Bikini Cuts updates.

In short, Bikini Cuts is a salon that employs girls in bikinis to cut your hair. I’m under the impression they are hair school grads. Somehow, I don’t think I’m their demographic. Anyway, they used to have a location in downtown Salt Lake City, but now they have relocated to West Jordan i.e. soccer mom land.

I pulled the following info from the Bikini Cuts website:

“Bikini Cuts, Utah’s Hottest Salon, is a lot more than just a beautiful girl in a bikini cutting your hair. I know, I know, you’re thinking to yourself “who needs more?!”, but here at Bikini Cuts it’s not just about getting the best haircut you’ve ever had, it’s about having the best salon experience of your life! We all know how uptight and girlie most salons are, so here at Bikini Cuts we do everything we can to make the Bikini Cuts experience the best salon experience a guy can have!”

If it’s such a manly experience then why do they offer lip waxing?? RIDDLE ME THIS. Anyway. The salon is stocked with massage chairs, Maxim, and boobs. You can go on the website and read about the “stylists”, look at pictures of them in their bikinis and read about their favorites. Tonya loves movies, dancing, and sleeping in. Her turn ons are a good smile, nice feet, well dressed guys, a nice butt, and tattoos. Kiss kiss TONYA!

But you know what, it’s not the exploitation of women that really bothers me. Fill a store with almost naked babes and call it good. I’m not your biggest fan but I’m not picketing your store either. But you know what does bother me? I can’t figure out…

WHO GOES THERE?

To examine why this boggles me let’s compare it to another retail chain dedicated to providing men with only slightly pornographic service: Hooters. Cue the, “No really, I go for the wings!” Now, Hooter’s makes sense. You grab your buddies, pound some wings, wash them down with some beer and oogle the ladies. You can high five, you can cat call, whatever…but see…you are WITH FRIENDS.

Now let’s discuss Bikini Cuts. A hair cut is a totally personal experience. Something that is usually done alone. I do not know of any male who calls their heterosexual male friend to squeal, “Let’s go get a trim!!!” No, they suck it up and go it alone. Even I, yes ME, can get a haircut alone. (Though I prefer when Eric sits by my side to tell me I’m pretty at all stages.) But the problem with Bikini Cuts is, you pretty much HAVE to go alone. And how many males feel comfortable all alone in an only semi-racy scenario? Some I’m sure, but it can’t be an overwhelming amount IN UTAH.

The atmosphere of the salon really does look appealing in a way. I mean they went to a lot of effort to make it, “Summer all year long!” But here is where Bikini Cuts failed…they tried to make a singular personal experience (a haircut) something that you do as a group (oogle at hot babes.) And this, my dear Bikini Cut owners, was where Alison Faulkner thinks you dropped the ball.

Hooters on the other hand took a group activity (beers and wings) and added boobs. Hence the fame, popularity and regular cameos in plot lines of The Office. Insta-success.

But all this is neither here nor there. What I ask of you, dear, blessed readers, is for any ANY story, hearsay, news, tales, or experiences you’ve heard of that take place at Bikini Cuts. Do you know anyone who has gone there? Who are they!? Do you know any Bikini Cutters? WHO ARE THEY? Please help me. I’m so curious I could die. And if I wasn’t totally obsessive, shallow, and protective of my hair, I’d go get a bikini cut myself. But as a rule, I don’t let anyone with better boobs than me cut my hair. That’s why Patrick (my stylist at Shep Salon) and I get along so swimmingly.

Anyway don’t be a prude, dish it. DISH IT!

I love you all.

18 Comments

  1. Scott Christopherson

    I do not know who goes there. I bet Eric frequents the joint though. He fits the mold. I have long since wondered this same question, being a native to Salt lake. I’ve wanted to start my own hair cutting salon called “Speedo Cuts”. Would you go? I bet you would.

  2. fraggLe+monkEy+shysteR

    funny thing is, when i heard the name (via the news) it never occured to me it was a hair salon. i thought it was a hip joint to get a bikini wax. this is a long standing joke in my house and i don’t believe my hubby will ever let me live it down.

  3. naomi

    Tonya doesn’t have a last name I don’t imagine.

  4. john

    great fades

  5. Megan

    Hello Allison….yes, this is the The Megan Monahan, and yes, I read your blog. Danielle got me hooked on it. Normally I am anonymous, but this one got me! I was so relieved to know that there are other people in the world who are consumed and burdened with thoughts like these. I commend you on your bravery to express them and get them answered….who the heck goes to Bikini Cuts??? How do they stay in business??? The people want answers, they want them now!

  6. Liz

    The kind of men that go to bikini cuts are the same kind that go to strip clubs alone. The really creepsters.

    Of course, it seems that Bikini Cuts has tried to make the whole thing more innocent. Which is why they set up shop in Utah.

    Sad and gross.

  7. Tim and Sara

    I don’t have an answer for you but just wanted to share that the main reason I would never work for Bikini Cuts is how frequently you would have to shave. Even during the winter. No thanks, Bikini Cuts. Ask someone else.

  8. Jill

    It’s all baffling and I totally agree with you. But I would pay money to see a group of guys go together. It’d be hilarious.

  9. Matt and Jennae Porter

    Just based on the name, I totally would have thought that Bikini Cuts was a place where you go to get your… err… “bikini” trimmed. Either way, yuck! I do not want anyone cutting my hair in a swimsuit, man or woman. So weird.

  10. emilyhutchison

    One night I had just finished watching “Denise Richards It’s Complicated”. The next program to come on was a sort of top ten sexiest jobs to have and I was intrigued enough to make it to number 6, which in fact was Bikini Cuts. Bikini Cuts was sexier than those girls who let party guest eat sushi off them. Bikini Cuts was sexier than a whole group of babes only valets (well according to E!). The best part of the Bikini Cuts sexy section? They only interviewed and taped Bikini Cutters in the SLC store. Bikini Cuts girls had an even higher ranking than body painted ladies at parties. All this research led me to believe any red blooded American male watching E! top ten countdowns gets his hair cut there.

  11. samsam

    sorry this isn’t about your post but…YES i was EXPLODING with dance! i was just thinking i hope they are done with their performance soon so i can shake my groove thang! not that i didn’t enjoy your dancing….i just wanted to share. the. LOVE!

  12. jenny

    You would get your haircut at Shep. jk. I used to go to Shep. It’s the shiz.

  13. Liz Canaan Roberts

    i once worked with a guy who went there (regularly). he was a retured missionary pushing thirty and single. i wonder why…

  14. Alison

    MAH~ Thank you LIZ! You knew a CUTTER!

  15. Alex

    Just realized that in your “analysis” section you mention ‘drop the ball’ and ‘boobs’ in the same paragraph. hah…unfortunately I dont have any dish on any bikini cut-ees. but again, great analysis. I can tell you’re in advertising.

  16. minidrama

    ha, i love you and love that this was my first introduction to your blog. i always wonder which is worse, the dirty man who get his haircut or the woman who’s work wear attire can fit in her fist? it also begs the question – am i being tipped for my body or my hair cutting skills? i feel these girls will never know the actual value of their craft. sigh.

  17. Shannon

    You’ll be happy to know this place is getting torn down… Mitch’s company is building a courthouse on that block. So perhaps they’ll have to survive off the Jordan location!

  18. Julia

    My fave is that they offer CHILDREN’S CUTS! After all, as the website says, why should adults have all the fun? After we find out who goes to bikini cuts, I want to know who takes their children to bikini cuts. Seriously…there should be a test before people have kids and you have to answer false to “It is ok to take my kids to erotic hair salons.”

Leave Some Love

Your email address will not be published.




You Might Also Like


Super Duper Fly Dance Off!

WHOOOOOAAAA! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG POST I almost didn’t know if I could remember how!!! HA! But, I did, and I’m so glad, because I AM NOT kidding you it feels so damn good to be abusing ALL CAPS AGAIN! You know what also feels really really good? …


Build an Awesome Brand Workshop!

Hi! I’m Alison. Over the past 10 years building my business I’ve put my name in lights, danced with thousands of hot babes who believe in their own awesomeness, spoken at huge events, worked with fortune 500 companies, created six-digit yielding courses, hosted nationally recognized online dance contests, started the podcast of my dreams, and basically …


Alison’s State of Affairs April

Reflecting on the source of my strength: my bling. HAHA. But actually just ask Laura, the photographer, what mood I was in. Because it is more accurately reflected below. Well hello!!! Another month has come and gone, and so now it’s time for ALISON’S STATE OF AFFAIRS! Yes,  yes, I know I’m sharing a lot with …


Don't Miss a Podcast!

You're busy and we want to make listening to the podcast EASY. Sign up for Thought Nuggets and you'll get emails with quick synopses of episodes as they come out. Done is fun!