She’s Frigid! She’s Frigid!


Who knows what She Blogs! She Blogs! is a clever (and I use clever generously) modification of?

Yes! The song that Andrea and I used to listen to–in the Volvo while parked in the Poway High School parking lot as we fought over the hairspray getting ready to rule the school in our Rocket Dog sandals and white jean shorts–Ricky Martin’s SHE BANGS SHE BANGS! Man that’s a good song.

Anyway the reason I bring this up is “She Bangs She Bangs,” could perhaps be the polar opposite of today’s post…”She’s Frigid She’s Frigid.” And before you all (read: my mother and mother-in-law) freak out and think I’m talking about my supa’ fly sex life…let me explain.

I don’t know if you Bill-Gates-loving, World-of-Warcraft-playing PC owners have this problem, but on the MAC computers, you know these fancy Apples, I feel like I am accosted by “Software Updates” everyday.

Update this! And Update that! I will bounce obnoxiously and persistently at the bottom of your screen until you update me! LOOK AT ME BOUNCE, I WON’T STOP BOUNCING.

I could just update whatever they want me to update and be done with it, but I hate how it interrupts me, so I don’t. Smart, I know.

One update box that LOVES to pop up when I’m doing something REALLY IMPORTANT, like posting on my blog…is a box that says this:

“Software updates are available for your computer. Do you want to install them?”

And the options presented are:

[Install and Restart] and [Not now]

I ALWAYS choose, “Not Now.”

But each time I do I feel like a frigid old lady whose husband, in saggy pajama bottoms, is trying to get fresh with his wife who hasn’t shown him any physical affection since the conception of their sixth child.

“Not now Lloyd, my hot flashes are driving me crazy.”

“Alright Marge, [sigh] sleep well.”

And then I roll over in my magenta bathrobe and adjust the hairnet so my curls set right.

It’s traumatizing.

“Not now.” Who thought of this?

It implies, not now, but maybe later. It’s sugarcoating the denial. Am I going to hurt the computer’s feelings with a flat out “NO?” Maybe.

But we all know the “not nows” who plan to “install and restart” later are as rare as the wives who say “not now” with the intention of saying “NOW PLEASE!” later. It’s just not gonna’ happen gramps. It’s just not gonna happen.

Anyway, I guess I’ll just have to live with the fact I’m a frigid updater. But I can tell you one thing, I’m not happy about. And I’m sure as hell Steve Jobs isn’t happy about it either.

But you can’t please everyone.


  1. fraggLe+monkEy+shysteR

    you made me laugh so hard i started choking on celery.

  2. Liz Canaan Roberts

    last night i watched the clip of william hung singing “she bangs” on idol, for the first time, so…yeah.
    and has mr. jobs ever looked better? that’s enough to make me buy a mac! (then again, maybe it’s just the subject of this post combined with a long, dull wednesday).

  3. Jeremy Warner

    steve jobs looks like steven spielberg. i wish that everytime i needed to update the jurassic park theme played.

  4. Krista

    funny. my pc at work (yes, my employers are to cheap to buy macs for the art department…) is always in need of updates! worse than my macs at home. it always needs to run some sort of anti-virus this, or configure files on the server, blah, blah, blah! i perfer my little bouncy mac friend. this totally annoys me but matt lets his updater bounce for days without giving it a second glance. your blog makes me laugh!

  5. Samantha

    I think you should update. B/c I don’t think we updated enough, and now our MAC is dead. True story. We are still in mourning.

  6. megrje

    just subscribed to your blog because your posts are making me laugh. i’d recommend updating because there was a serious mac security problem at the beginning of july that you don’t want to get you.

  7. jenny

    your bouncing updated description was perfect! its the same thing on my mac it drives me nuts.

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