She Laments She Laments

So, I might be a little behind on this. But a great tragedy has occurred.

A tragedy so overlooked, that it was only reported by the Desert News and the Adventists News Network.

But nonetheless, a great thing has left us. Nay, been stolen from our hearts. As quietly as it slipped into our lives, it has slipped out.

At first I thought, oh, the supermarket just needs to restock. Or, oh, I’ll just try another store. And then the worst was confirmed.

Kraft Foods, the scum sucking low lives, are no longer making Postum.


Laugh, if you want. Mock, if you must. I know it’s the “Mormon Coffee” and perhaps disgusting to you many of you. But I loved Postum. I grew up on the stuff. Mom made it just right with a little bit of milk and two packets of equal. Or, in the later years, a hefty drop of Vanilla CoffeeMate.

But as of January 17, 2008, Kraft Foods has stopped production of the wheat bran, wheat, molasses, and corn dextrin mix that warmed so many of my mornings, and stopped late night hunger under so many moons. And why did they do this? Why? Because it was no longer “profitable.”

Profitable? How come jars are going for $70 bucks a pop on ebay? Profitable that.

My children will never know the delight of “Toastum and Postum” (Faulkners dunk their toast in the drink.) And I will probably gain weight drinking hot chocolate instead of the low calorie and much more satisfying Postum.

Anyway, I just thought you should know.

I hope you can still have a good day.

18 Comments

  1. Dari

    Hello there! I hope you remember me and this isn’t the creepiest blog comment ever BUT I happened upon your blog and I couldn’t help but reply to your post!

    I wanted to remind you about Pero… I personally have never drank either one and therefore couldn’t testify to Pero in comparison to Postum but nonetheless… it is there and could possibly help to fill the hole in your heart! I found this article that you might enjoy as well 😉

    http://www.motleyvision.org/?p=404
    Have a great day and feel free to visit my blog if you get bored!

  2. Amanda

    I thought Grandpapa was the only person who bought and drank that stuff. I don’t think they ever changed the label on the jar, kind of like the cereal box for “Oh’s” (which are the best). Maybe people took one look and thought they were expired jars of Postum. Oh well, R.I.P. Postum, R.I.P.

  3. kimmy girl

    im angry. the perfect hot chocolate no longer exists without 2 scoops of postum.

    i will miss it.
    im really sad, wow.

  4. ferociousnate

    I didn’t want to rain on this parade, but profitability is not always measured by secondary market prices. $70 a can does not justify dedicating an entire manufacturing facility to the production of postum. The almighty market has weeded out yet another unprofitable product.

  5. Alison

    Blah blah, I love econ, blah blah hedge funds, blah blah, opportunity costs.

    Is what I say to you Big Deal.

  6. Matt and Jennae Porter

    I have never even heard of Postum, but I’m pretty sure I would have loved it. My mom and I used to get Cappuccino Blasts from Baskin Robbins until the guy told us they were made with real cappuccino (which we always knew deep down, but feigned ignorance). I bet if you complain to Kraft enough, they may bring it back. If anyone can get it done, it’s a Faulkner! =)

  7. maxeverything

    Try looking in international markets for Barley Coffee, called cebada or cevada. It’s not Postum, but you might like it.

  8. courtni

    Suck. Postum + hot chocolate even, HEAVEN. Mixing the two wasn’t discovered for me until college, and I’d say try it, but we’ll forever be without. SUCK SUCK SUCK.

  9. The UnMighty

    Those Kraft bastards! I’m organizing a march on D.C. if you’d like to join us. The very foundations of democracy will shake before we are done.

  10. CourtFace

    one word – pero.

  11. Club Narwhal

    NO! i’m glad your hawkeye was able to catch and report this utter travesty. so…married! cool bean, girlfriend. i’m glad you stalk my sister. she loves it, even if she pretend not to. i am now adding you to my list. this is a big step and i hope our friendship can handle it 🙂

  12. Alison

    God bless your fervor Unmighty. I love a good march.

    And I do appreciate all the substitute advice. My only concern is that “Pero” doesnt rhyme with Toastum…

  13. Alicia

    Sad! I never even had the chance to have the Postum Toastum experience… 🙁 I plan on looking into Pero!

  14. merete

    Alison,
    I think you need to start drinking Pero. I am a Pero drinker and love it! However, I have never had Postum so I do not know what I have been missing out on all these years.

  15. Kat Green

    The Postum story was picked up by NPR. My heart is broken also. I had TWO full jars tucked away at my parents’ house. I’m sure it was thrown away by my gentile brothers. I’d better get on Ebay while I can still get a jar for $7.

  16. Courtney

    ok, i have something you should try. go to any authentic italian store where they import (i know there are a few places in salt lake, and one in provo on 3rd south and 3rd east…) anyway, try orzo. it is a lot like coffee, but natural. i hated it in italy, but lots of people love it…my fav. comp included. so give it a whirl. 🙂

  17. Alison

    ok! i will. i will try these things and report back!

  18. shelly

    I’ve been lamenting my bad luck for the past year for not being able to find it anymore…and now my worst fears have been realized!! Heather, (The Coterie) sent me to your blog because she is the one who continues to have to listen to my rants about the lack of Postum in the grocery stores. Why, why, why???

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