She’s no Gwyneth pt. 2

This week we continue the list that I started last week entitled:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO

4. Tuck her pajama bottoms into her socks when she goes to bed so her pants don’t roll up while she’s sleeping. (I’m thinking there’s a product idea there)

5. Think about stealing pain pills from the elderly woman she has volunteered to pick up a prescription for. (Nancy couldn’t possibly need ALL this Hydrocodone for herself, could she?)

6. Call her sister 6 times from the grocery store to announce all of the AMAZING deals she’s finding on produce, and then start conversations with the people around her about how excited she is about the new deals on Jalapenos and Cameo apples. (4lbs for $1!)

7. Accidentally NOT change the channel when the Price is Right ends, and then let The Young and the Restless play while she’s returning e-mails.

8. Watch the Price is Right

9. Continue to use a month-old-razor for shaving her legs even though her husband gasped in alarm after seeing the backs of her thighs and ask, “Did you fall on some nails?”

Stay tuned next week as we continue the list of:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO.

xoxo

Alison

She’s a super model.

So for those of you who say I don’t post enough pictures, and for those of you who complained that I never posted pictures of the house after we did x-treme home makeover 09′…well I’m gonna kill two birds with one stone.

Finally! All those hours of watching America’s Next Top Model went to good use. For one reason or another dear dirty Diana Palmer (she’s really quite clean I just like Michael Jackson), of Yan Photography, asked if she could photograph me and the hubby in our home.

When I told Eric that this very talented photographer wanted to use us as models he said, “Um, doesn’t she know we’re not in peak condition?”

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

But, we decided to get over the fact that our faces will look fat in every picture not because the angle is bad, but because, that’s actually how fat our faces are, and not miss out on the opportunity to have fantastic professional pictures of this time in our life. The after honeymoon, before kids, still happy-in-love phase.

So here’s a sneak peak, they won’t be ready for a little while yet. But I really just want to give a shout out to Yan Photography and her mad skills with light. She’s new to the area and if you’re looking for a photographer, you better snatch her up before others realize that this little jewel just stepped into town.

Here’s one of my favorite shoots she has done.

And here are my bookshelves. That’s my side, Eric refuses to let me color-coordinate his side because he has his books organized by “subject.” How ridiculous is that.


I’ll let you know when more are up. I’m not excited to see myself, just mostly my root beer bunt cake she let me sneak into some of the shots!

Well, I’m off to get into a cat fight with some of the other models.

xoxo

Alison

She’s no Gwyneth.

I’ve decided to start a list that I will update once a week. The idea for the list came to me a few days ago while I was at work.

As I have mentioned I work for BYUtv. And because it’s a television station they have all of BYU’s stations playing on these giant flat screens when you walk in the building. This sounds WAY more glamorous than it actually is. The building is a total yuck, and the work space is depressing at best. But they do have the silent flat screens up front.

One of BYU’s stations is KBYU Eleven, which is an affiliate of PBS. And on PBS they have that show with Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali called “On the Road Again.” Weird combo I know. But they go around and eat good food in Spain.

Anyway, all of this is to explain how I got thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow and how classy and awesome she is. I mean SHE’S MARRIED TO CHRIS MARTIN. I’m not really into celeb gossip, shocking I know, but I do know that Gwyneth is never the center of a scandal and that she’s just one posh lady.

So as I postponed going back to my desk to write whatever it was that needed writing, I stared at a silent Gwyneth eating tapas in Spain, and tried to imagine what it would be like to be so composed. And then I started thinking of all the things I bet Gwyneth never does. Like how she was taking such tiny restrained bites of the tapas. Gwyneth never shovels food. She nibbles food.

Then I started to wonder how I could be more like Gwyneth.

This caused me to reflect on the 15 or so Hershey’s Kisses I had just gobbled crazily after finding a leftover holiday treat bag on my desk. “Gwyneth wouldn’t do that,” I thought.

AND THAT, dear friends, is how I got the idea for this list:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO

(Incidentally these are all things that happened last week)

#1. Compulsively shove month-old Hershey’s kisses into her mouth until there are none left in her treat bag, and then start foraging frantically through other people’s treat bags for more.

#2. Threaten a cub scout within in an inch of his life for accusing her of not playing the “throw a tennis ball and keep it moving game” correctly. (Yes, I am a den leader. God save the scouts)

#3. Stay up until 5 a.m. YES 5 a.m., watching Season One of America’s Next Top Model (because she stole it twice at a white elephant gift exchange) eating nachos with bruschetta because she’s out of salsa, and well, tomatoes are tomatoes, ON A WEEK NIGHT.

OK! That’s just the start of my list. Look forward to more in this series of:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO.

xoxo,

Not Gwyneth

p.s.

Thanks for all the love and support on the last post. I really am fine, like I said, over it in a minute. But it always helps when we rally together. Love you all!

She’s feeling the rain on her face.

Some days you’re just in a funk.

Let’s correct that. Some days, meaning about half of them, I’M in a funk. I can’t speak for you though, but I bet you’re familiar with such funks.

It’s not necessarily that I’m depressed. It’s more like I’m just unimpressed.

Unimpressed with myself, unimpressed with what I’m doing, unimpressed with my decision to eat the last piece of the amazing chiffon pumpkin pie I made in addition to the 2 baby cupcakes I was forced to take home to “Eric” after a bridal shower (that obviously never had the chance to meet Eric). Unimpressed with the tightness of my jeans after eating the aforementioned items. Unimpressed with the city and state I live in. And probably more disgusted than unimpressed with how often I actually deep clean my living space.

I think about what 12-year-old Alison thought 26-year-old Alison would be like, and like I said, it’s not that I get depressed, I’m just not impressed. And I try not to be ungrateful for all I have and all I’ve been given, including my AMAZING HUSBAND but even so, sometimes I underwhelm myself.

I don’t even know what it was that 12-year-old Alison expected. I just know she was extremely demanding, and she just expected more than this. And I know I’ve told you this before. Like I said, I’m a 50/50 girl.

When I get in these moods there is no point to anything. I might as well just eat Ling Ling’s pot stickers and watch whatever season of America’s Next Top Model I can find on rerun and call it quits.

But there is an upside to being as dramatic as I am prone to being. And that is this: just as easily as I slip into a funk, I can usually, just as easily pop right up out of it.

Eric has found, when it comes to me, that most of life’s major problems can be solved with a Diet Coke, and if things are REALLY horrible, a bad dance movie accompanied by a giant tub of popcorn with Sour Patch Kids sprinkled in it does the trick.

That or a cheesy motivational song.

So today, when I slipped into one of these funks in which I could not be more unimpressed with myself. I told myself I was not going to cry. NO CRYING, I said. CRYING IS FOR THE WEAK.

So to keep from crying I turned up the radio and headed to Makerik.

Thankfully Natasha Bedingfield had some inspirational words for me.
We had a conversation that went about like this:

Staring at the blank page before you (This blank page? The one in front of me?)
Open up the dirty window (Yes, I know it’s dirty)
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find (That’s really not the problem)

Reaching for something in the distance (but WHAT! WHAT IS IT NATASHA?)
So close you can almost taste it (I am kind of hungry)
Release your inhibitions (but my mom begged me not to)
Feel the rain on your skin (Oh I see)
No one else can feel it for you (It’s like a metaphor)
Only you can let it in (Only me…ONLY ME?)
No one else, no one else (not even Eric?)
Can speak the words on your lips (That’s right! I am special!)
Drench yourself in words unspoken (I have a unique voice!)
Live your life with arms wide open (I should stop thinking about myself…LOVE OTHERS!)
Today is where your book begins (I’m 26, not 106!)
The rest is still unwritten (You’ve got time to impress yourself yet!)

And just like that. Funk undone.

And so, just in case you’re having one of those days. Remember, that’s all it is. Just one of those days.

So go ahead. Soak up some of Natasha’s wisdom, and remember…

the rest is still unwritten.

xoxo,

The new president of the Natasha Bedingfield fan club

She has a job, which could get you free crap.

Did you know I work for BYUtv? I don’t really talk about it. But I do. Anyway, I do a lot of things there, mostly writing related, as that is what I am. A copywriter. But obviously my REAL goal is to have my own TV show. Just wait. I’ll get one.

Anyway, we are rebranding the station, and part of that includes getting people excited about the station. TO DO THAT! We are having a 12 days of Giveaways contest. And we haven’t advertised it that much, so you actually have a good chance of winning. Like today, we are giving away this:


And since not that many people know about it, I thought I’d do my duty as an employee and tell you to go to the website and enter to win. Seriously, all you have to do is like fill in your name. And they give away a new prize for 12 days. The last day is a flat screen TV.

Here’s the link!

12 DAYS OF GIVEAWAYS.

I love you all,

xoxo

Alison

Keep it crafty, Keep it sassy.