Alison’s Tips for Managing a Rough Pregnancy

Alison’s Tips for Managing a Rough Pregnancy
November 2, 2015 Alison Faulkner
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Just some fall family fun up in the canyon with the children trying to attack me. I’m showing some pictures of my family with this post for context, and so you can see proof of my occasional mental stability as you read about how nuts I am.

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Always always daddy’s girl.

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But this boy is mine. So really baby #3 is up for grabs.

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*NOTE In this post you will find mental and emotional tips, or mind hacks–if you will–for dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression, as well as the general discomfort of being pregnant. I’m not a doctor; I’m just a crazy lady sharing what I’m doing to help myself. This is not about: essential oils, supplements, diet, super foods—those are all great. But they are not my expertise and this is not what this post is about! There are other far more qualified people to talk of such things. If you’re hoping for that, you will be sorely disappointed.
I wrote this at 21 weeks, started getting super anxious and depressed, regrouped, edited and added to it at 31 weeks and I am currently almost 33 weeks pregnant.
As for prescription anti-depression and anxiety medication, I tried those with my 2nd pregnancy, and 100% support people in their decisions they make with their medical professionals. For this pregnancy I have gone without them, as I wasn’t taking them before I got pregnant and also because trying to find the right dose, and going on and off them during my 2nd pregnancy seemed to be more harmful than helpful.

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I am sitting pretty, and by pretty I mean preeeetty fat, in week 31 of my third pregnancy. Close friends and family members were all, well, shocked, when I expressed that I was thinking about having baby #3. I was actually fairly shocked myself. Haha, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing for our family. And so, I decided to take the plunge.

But if you know me, have ever talked to me, or read some of the articles I’ve posted about motherhood, you know I have a rough time with pregnancy. And that might be the understatement of the century.

Perhaps one of the toughest things about having a hard pregnancy is that you feel like a horrible, awful, no-good jerk for saying anything about it. Like the lowest of low, the most ungrateful of ungrateful. I felt like I basically wasn’t allowed to express my struggles publicly, because there are so many people who would HAPPILY take my place in order to have a baby of their own. And I felt I was being insensitive and again, unthankful by saying anything.

But as I have cautiously started to share my feelings, always trying my hardest to be mindful and respectful of those who are suffering with the exact opposite problem—getting or staying pregnant—SO many woman have thanked me, because they have similar struggles, and also have felt horrible and alone for having those hard feelings.

I’ve even had multiple women who have used IVF to help them get pregnant, tell me that they TOO are struggling with depression, sickness and other tough stuff while pregnant, and they feel like a MILLION times worse saying anything negative, because they don’t want to seem ungrateful—and it was SUCH a struggle to get pregnant in the first place so they don’t feel allowed.

I mentioned in my birth announcement post, that I’ve had to accept that feelings are feelings and I can’t beat myself up for having them, because it’s actually caused me a lot of harm and kept me from getting help when I needed it.

I worried I was being a baby, that I just needed to “suck it up” and stop being so dramatic. I thought everyone around me secretly thought I was making it all up, or that maybe I wanted attention, and that I should just try harder to feel better.

And honestly? Some people DO think that. Some women feel NOTHING like I do when pregnant, and it’s hard not to think it’s just a lot of drama. Some friends have admitted that until a 2nd or 3rd pregnancy that was tougher for them, they kind of DID think other women were being melodramatic, or that if those other women did what they did—a certain diet or exercise plan—that those other women could “fix” it.

You’re free to think what you want. But I know mental struggles and emotional problems are very real. And I know that discounting them doesn’t help.

Basically, my mental and emotional state got so bad while I was pregnant with baby #2, Rad, that I was having suicidal thoughts and could hardly manage my life. Aside from the usual physical discomfort of being pregnant and gaining 60 pounds (yes I exercised and yes I ATTEMPTED not to gain so much, I just well, did—I think being massively depressed contributed to that), I was also unable to have conversations—with like anyone—without hysterically crying. Which can be really inconvenient!

But I tried day after day to just, make it work. It was awful and taxing on my sweet husband Eric, and even though there were obviously moments of happiness and joy, the depression and anxiety attacks kept me from being able to do most of what I wanted to do and even a lot of what I needed to do.

Boo hoo. Hahahahaha. Whenever I mention having rough pregnancies people want to hear like, that I get hospitalized for throwing up too much, or some other severe something. Sorry to disappoint. I just wanted to, literally, die. And not like in the “I’m going die I feel so terrible!” way, but in the, “I maybe should step in front of this car…” kind of way.

I have gotten a 3rd trimester condition with both Ginger and Rad called Cholestasis (I may or may not get it this time—the symptoms are starting but I’m being optimistic?) that causes my hands and feet to itch uncontrollably (under the skin) due to some enzyme build-up, and they have to deliver my babies early (Ginger at 36 weeks, Rad at 37), and it keeps you awake for days like a crazy person because you can’t really stop the itching. On and on.

When I tell people this they seem to be more OK with me having a rough time. Like, “Oh THAT makes sense.” But honestly? The Cholestasis IS bad, and I’m sure it contributes the anxiety, but it’s nothing, and I mean NOTHING compared to the day-to-day hormones and FEELINGS.

SO! Now that we’ve established that: 1. Alison is crazy 2. I don’t like being pregnant but 3. I’m SUPER grateful that I have the ability! And that I thank God sincerely; at least twice a day for the baby in my tummy…let’s talk about how pregnancy #3 is going, shall we?

It is going so, so much better than #2 or #1. And that’s not to say I haven’t had my rough times, or that it’s not a weekly/daily and sometimes hourly struggle. But COMPARED to how I felt last time, I’m really really proud of myself because it has been a lot of hard work to feel just “ok.” And I know that even though there are some tough times ahead, and I may or may not be crying right now…that I’m still going to be ok.

And one reason I’m going to be ok is because I sincerely hope that sharing my experience, can maybe help at least one person. Because then it has more meaning to me. Well that and I get a human out of it. HAHAHA. So I’ve been taking notes this whole pregnancy. Writing down things I can do, or things that have been working to help me cope.

So FINALLY I give you:

Alison’s Tips for Managing a Rough Pregnancy

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1. GET A SUPPORT TEAM

If this is your first pregnancy, and you’re like, “WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!?” Hi. Welcome. It’s ok. You are not alone. And you need to get some people on your team. It’s never too late to form a team!

This was easier for me to do after two pregnancies, because I could really JUSTIFY it. I sincerely hope you’re better than me, and don’t feel the need to wait until you are suicidal or unable to function to get help. Any pregnant person, or HUMAN, needs a support team. Here are some of the people on my team:

A PARTNER WHO GETS IT:
If you don’t have a spouse or partner in your pregnancy I admire the hell out of you. You are so strong and amazing. BUT you do need someone. A friend, a sibling, a parent, someone you find online! Now, when you do find that person, it doesn’t mean they are going to magically “GET IT.” Or understand just how to help you. You are going to need to try to help them learn how to help you. This can be hard. This is why going to a counselor can be important (either by yourself or with your partner). Because it’s hard to know what you need when you can hardly function.

I realized I used to feel resentful towards Eric for not knowing how to “handle” my breakdowns or that he didn’t GET I needed professional help. I thought he should have forced me to get it earlier, because I wasn’t in a state to do it myself. But he’s only one man! He was, and IS doing the best he can. So we have worked hard together, and I have had to TELL him what I think he can do to help. He’s not a wizard. He doesn’t know everything. BUT, as we talk about it and I try to express what things are helpful and what things are not, he is better able to give me what I need. You have to tell people if you WANT them to talk to you when you’re crying, or want them to ignore it. They can’t just always guess. And you have to look past what you want to want (which is my case is no help), to discover what you really need.

I’d also say that my mom and little sister Andrea fit this “partner” description. My mom finally stepped in last year and encouraged me to get counseling. But see, it took 3 people to fill this one roll. I’m very very lucky to have people, but I’ve also had to work to get to a place where I allow people to help me.

Once you have a partner—someone who gets it—I recommend some allies. Here are some of my allies:

A CLEANING LADY:
Ana is a magical human full of love and mystical powers like cleaning the floors and toilets. A messy house is a depressing house. My guess is the #1 factor for people NOT getting a cleaning lady is saying they cannot afford it. Eric lost his job, and we lost our insurance WHILE I was pregnant with Rad, so yeah, I get not having money. We had NO MONEY PEOPLE. We both work for ourselves and still have NO steady income. And here’s how I feel about that: money comes and goes. It’s good to save and work hard. Sometimes we just don’t have enough money! But NOTHING and I mean nothing is more important than your mental and physical health. IF YOU CAN sell something, trade with a friend, get creative. If you need help with cleaning don’t feel stupid, don’t feel like you’re not pulling your weight as a human. Also, it’s not a waste of money to hire people to help you! In fact we hired Ana before we “had enough money” for insurance. We were uninsured with a cleaning lady. And I felt AWESOME about it. (We have insurance now, calm down.)

But I’m saying give someone an opportunity to help you. When my empire makes millions I’m going to have cleaning ladies surprise pregnant woman around the world! For now I just sometimes send Ana to a friend.

A COUNSELOR:
I stopped seeing my counselor regularly around 21 weeks (right when I wrote the bulk of this). After I wrote it I started breaking down, and down, and down and finally started making regular appointments again. Which is why at 31+ weeks, I can now publish this! And I’m back in working order. I did not see a counselor with Rad and I SHOULD HAVE. Oh my gosh I should have.

But having a counselor you know you CAN call, or COULD call is almost just as helpful. I don’t think you should rely entirely on your doctor or midwife. It’s really tough to try to find someone when you’re in a really dark place. So if you can, force yourself to find a counselor before you get there.

Just yesterday I had an appointment that I thought, “I don’t need to go! I’m fine.” And I still felt SO much better after. Counseling is also a preventative measure. Think of it like that and it makes it easier to stay up on it!

A BABYSITTER:
This is helpful of course if you have other children while pregnant. HAHA. I know SO many women who work out of their home, have one or two kids, a husband who works a lot, and they still don’t find childcare. So every waking minute of free time is time spent working or caring for other people. WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES? I felt SO much guilt about having a babysitter come two afternoons so I could work more, or just be depressed less. Like I was living my life wrong. Up until I found a babysitter only their grandparents and aunt babysat them (the other two days of the week)—it was and is a huge blessing, but I needed to work more and I needed more help.

This year, and this pregnancy I’ve had to rely on the help of some great nannies and other babysitters. I found care.com to be super helpful, because it can be really hard to find people sometimes. I signed up for one month, posted an ad, found some people and then canceled. I also found one babysitter by hitting on her when she was our waitress. I full on asked for her number.

$$ A NOTE ON MONEY HONEY $$

As I’ve thought about it a lot, I think one reason I’ve been able to do this pregnancy without medication or as many breakdowns (I still have them, just not as many) is because of how much childcare I’ve allowed myself to have. I get a break almost once a day for a few hours. Sometimes it’s for work and sometimes it’s for driving around and crying and being by myself. The alone time keeps me from having so many anxiety attacks. It’s a luxury to afford childcare, one I’ve worked VERY hard for, but at the same time it’s also something you can find through trade. Play dates are awesome.

Again, I try to be sensitive to everyone’s economic struggles, but I still say MORE TIMES THAN not when people say they can’t “afford” something (when talking to me, because I’m usually talking to people of a roughly similar socio-economic background—people with smart phones and computers) it’s because they are making an effort to afford something else.

As for Eric and I, we live in an inexpensive state/town, drive cheap old paid-for cars, and have an old house with cheap furniture and a low mortgage—we do a lot of this so we can work for ourselves, eat out, and get me lots and lots of help. Hahahaha!

If you simply can’t afford something you can’t afford it. I’m just saying I have A LOT of faith in your resourcefulness, skills, talents, and potential to succeed.

ANYONE ELSE YOU NEED:
Those are just the people I’ve found helpful. But look at places in your life where you feel like you’re drowning and see if you can find a helpy helper. Maybe it’s a laundry service, maybe it’s sometime to help you with work, or maybe you need a personal assistant/friend to make doctor appointments for you because you can’t do it without having a breakdown. What I’m saying is, you’re not stupid for needing help FOR ANYTHING you need help with. Especially when you are pregnant.

2. DO WHAT YOU CAN ABOUT NAUSEA & MOVE ON.

I get really nauseous for the first 14-16 weeks. I am nauseous from sun-up to sundown. I don’t throw up, I just dry-heave and pray that I WILL throw up, but I never do. Honestly, it’s terrible. Throwing up seems like it would bring relief, but also throwing up is HORRIBLE. So I’m not wishing for anything else. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about a bunch of herbs, supplements, essential oils or super foods. I am not an expert on those. I’m just sharing my experience and I’m so happy if they help you!

I tried a few vitamins, ginger, and other things, as well as some medications prescribed from midwives. Nothing really made me feel better. And I found just focusing on the nausea all the time and trying to fix it made it worse for me.

BUT you should know that you can call your doctor and ask for anti-nausea drugs BEFORE your 10-week appointment. I didn’t know that the first time. I feel like most of the people who find relief from those (that I have talked to, again I’m just some random girl, not a doctor) seem to be people who can’t stop throwing up. But they did not stop the sick feeling for me personally.

So for baby #3 I didn’t try a bunch of medicines or remedies to STOP the nausea, other than making sure I didn’t have an empty stomach, and trying to eat smaller meals. But what I DID was focus on NOT focusing on the nausea as much as I could.

I feel like constant nausea is like water torture. You know, without the brutality of it. At first you’re like, it’s just a few drops. “I can do this. I can take it!” But after 10 straight weeks of it, it’s like drilling a hole in your head and you just want to cry/die/give up. It’s very hard to be nice or pleasant when you feel sick non-stop.

So I tried to get really real with myself. Instead of thinking, “I WILL FEEL SICK FOREVER!!!” I’d say in my head, “That’s not true Alison. Last night from 9-10pm you did not feel as sick. Hopefully tonight at 9pm you’ll feel better for an hour, and you can get an hour of work done then.” Or something like that.

This sounds fairly depressing, hahaha, only feeling better for one hour, but really, focusing on windows of time that I MIGHT feel better, was a lot more hopeful than thinking, I will never feel better ever again.

3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO.

During my first trimester I politely requested that my friends and family NOT ask me things like, “How are you feeling?” Well I thought I was polite, I might not have been. HA! I TRIED OK!?

Again, this might sound super dramatic. But when anyone would ask me how I was feeling I would start crying. If you follow me online AT ALL, you know I believe in sharing the whole story, even if I don’t really need to or it’s not helpful to. So when people wanted to talk about how I was feeling I just couldn’t lie and say, “fine.”

Now that I’ve had time to reflect, I think a lot of my anxiety from the 2nd pregnancy and periods of this 3rd one came from living in the future. I quite often thought and still think, “I feel horrible now, and I’m being a terrible mom, and doing everything wrong and I AM JUST GOING TO GET WORSE.”

You can see how this thought pattern leads to nothing GOOD. But in the moment, it’s hard to stop it. So my approach this time was to not talk about the things that would trigger that series of thoughts.

And I still don’t really talk about my pregnancy a ton to people, on social media, or anywhere, other than to say, “Yes, I’m still pregnant.” Or, “Look at the pregnant lady dance!” I mean, and also other than this huge post I’m doing right now! HAHA! But I waited so long to do this post, because I knew I needed to be in a safe, good place to be able to share. And it took me, oh 33 weeks to get there!

4. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU.

The second I found out I was pregnant I made an appointment with my counselor. Well actually the second I found out I was pregnant I cried for about 6 hours straight, even though getting pregnant was intentional. But later I went to see my counselor and I told her the approach I had come up with to deal with my pregnancy. It was this: I was simply going to pretend I wasn’t pregnant. Meaning, of course I would take care of myself, but if I felt sick I would say to myself “I feel sick, hmm that’s odd.” Rather than, “I feel sick because I am pregnant and it’s only going to get harder, and I will get so fat people will make fun of me behind my back, and I don’t deserve to be a mom because I care about that, and I might as well die now.”

She said this was a good start! Haha! But maybe instead I should try focusing on the baby and what the baby was doing, rather than how I was feeling as the holy baby-carrying vessel. (My words…) And I really loved this approach.

If you read ANY pregnancy book, or pregnancy app or anything ever about pregnancy, hahaha, like this post, the majority of it is about THE MOM. And that makes sense, especially with your first baby because you want to understand what is happening in your body. But frankly all that reading about all the hard things, and focusing on them didn’t do me any good. Especially with babies #2 and #3.

So for this pregnancy when I read anything on a pregnancy app, I would skip the parts about me, and what my body could be doing and all that stuff. I just tried to focus on the baby, the baby that I KNOW from experience is worth the pain. The baby that I feel SO honored to be carrying. The baby that I get to snuggle.

I’ve tried to make the pregnancy either about the baby, OR just kind of do my best to be in denial about it. Haha.

5. CHANGE IT UP.

This is mostly applicable if this is not your first pregnancy. So if you’re on baby #1 skip it! But I had so many traumatic experiences (crying uncontrollably) and negative associations having to do with midwife and doctor visits and such with my last two pregnancies, that for baby #3 I decided I needed to rid myself of anything that made my skin crawl or breath start to get short.

For Ginger and Rad I went to a group of Certified Nurse Midwives, I basically saw a different midwife each visit. I think that seeing a group of doctors and midwives is awesome if you are MOST people. But I found with baby #2, that one of the main problems was that my midwives did not see the severity of my condition—my depression and anxiety—because I saw a different CNM each appointment and they had no barometer of what “normal” was for me.

Most of them saw a sobbing, pregnant woman. I’m sure they see lots of those. But it wasn’t until the VERY end that one of them understood that THIS sobbing pregnant woman was in an unsafe place emotionally and physically. I’m grateful someone finally “got it” and got me help, but looking back it would have been nice if someone would have “gotten it” sooner. Then again, this is why I should have also been seeing a counselor. But I just trusted the baby doctors would step in more than they did. And they didn’t.

So for baby #3 I’m seeing a male, family practitioner. Something I would have never done before. The office is different, the vibe is different. He’s a man, not a woman. Haha. I mean I tried to make it as opposite as possible. I see him EACH appointment, and take Eric with me so that when I downplay any symptoms or feelings Eric can step in and say, “No, no, she’s been crying a lot…” or whatever needs to be said! It has made THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE.

So if you had anything negative with your other babies or pregnancies, just remember you CAN switch it up—a different hospital or birth center, a different doctor, anything different you need. Different clothes even! I think that sometimes those associations can be causing a lot of stress and anxiety we aren’t realizing.

6. SLIP INTO SOMETHING COMFORTABLE / BUT NOT TOO COMFORTABLE

So this is my piece of advice to EVERY first time pregnant lady: buy maternity clothes. BUY THEM NOW. I think people get like an odd sense of accomplishment from not “needing” or buying maternity clothing. It IS easy to think it’s a waste of money. BUT when you feel sick or depressed, why add a waistband that is making you miserable to your list of things to moan about?

I bought 2 pairs of maternity pants fairly early on this time and I can still wear them. So it was a good investment. Getting up and having things to put on that don’t make you miserable, or make you feel “fat” because they USED to fit you (before you started growing a human…) really does a lot for your mental health. Trust me. Also you should get some bigger comfier bras and undergarments, because those things being too small can make you CRAZY too. Do everything you can to overcome small annoyances! 

Also I’ve tried to do my makeup most days. I use this tutorial I made with Kayti for an amped-up makeup look. It’s more makeup than I wear when I’m not pregnant, but the ACT of getting ready, and dolling myself up, helps me feel better. Especially as my face gets rounds and rounder.

I’ve had to buy more maternity clothes this pregnancy because I’m bigger this time so I need things that cover my belly more. And also because of my job, which requires a lot of videos, and pictures of myself, and all that nonsense. But man, it has really made a difference in how I feel. I also cleared my closet of all the things I do not, and will not fit into for a while after having the baby. They are in a storage bin. It’s really nice NOT to sort through clothing every morning that I can’t wear. It’s out of sight and out of mind. And as I get bigger I just keep adding to the bin and I more drawer space for things that fit.

I have bought the majority of my pregnancy clothing from Asos! I also get some from Target, both maternity, and non-maternity sections, and even their plus-size section can be a good option.

7. STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF

I have gained a ton of weight with each pregnancy, and I have always lost all of it. (Sure sure, I put some back on too, but that’s not the point). I don’t lose my weight quickly, it’s not easy, and it doesn’t magically happen from nursing. I lost those 50-60 lbs by eating healthier and exercising more. It was hard, and took a ton of work. But I’ve run marathons; I’ve thrown parties for 600 women. I can do hard things. I tell myself this as often as I can! Ha.

With each pregnancy I felt SO out of control and sloppy (that’s the best way I can describe it?!) for gaining so much, and I exercised and hated myself, and I would weigh myself every damn day. At doctor’s appointments they would have to take my blood pressure AFTER they weighed me because I was always SO stressed about stepping on the scale.

But you know what? Weighing myself (and knowing EXACTLY how much weight I gained every day) was NOT stopping me from eating the treat, and it did not change my habits or make me gain less weight. It just made me angrier and depressed and that made me want to eat more and give up on trying.

Is it great to gain so much weight? Of course not! But I can truly say that I’m doing the best I CAN, and for me, that includes worrying less about the weight I’m gaining and more about the mom I want to be, the boss lady I want to be, and NOT getting so depressed and anxious I can’t live my life. I wish I could do it all! I exercise, and I try to make good choices, but I also eat donuts and Taco Bell. So I’m totally not going to be super thin. Haha. And FOR NOW, that’s ok.

I’m not trying to make excuses, or say that fast food is good! It’s not! I’m just saying I’ve had to let some things go, and know that once I have these other things under control, I can move on to being a hard body. But for now I’m a fluffy little work in progress.

Wouldn’t it be cool if I said that when I stopped weighing myself I gained less weight? HA No. No that didn’t happen. But it would be awesome if it did!

However when I stopped weighing myself I stopped thinking about how fat I was, and just started dancing more.

One more thought on weight gain: I wrote in this “I’m not fat I’m pregnant” post, that I was going to refuse to apologize for looking or being pregnant.

I was thinner and younger to start with for my other two pregnancies, and I had WAY less people looking at pictures of me online, and yet, I’ve posted WAY more pictures of myself this pregnancy. Is it because I’m more narcissistic? No. No. That’s not it. Most likely.

I’ve posted absurd dance videos and “bump shots” –things I never did with my other two. I even threw a party where 600 women could come and see how squishy I was getting–instead of hiding away. And here’s why: I don’t LOOK any better (in fact I look bigger) but I FEEL better about the fact that I GET BIG WHEN I’M PREGNANT. And I kind of feel like everyone else just needs to deal with it. I care. Obviously I care. But I just care about other things more.

My stomach is big, like BIG, and my boobs? My boobs ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD. Really. They are. If you see me in person you can come rest your noggin on my bosom to compare. I gain weight everywhere and I’m soft and plushy and dimply.

And guess what? When I give birth I’m still going to look pregnant. For a WHILE. And it will make me sad, and I will be embarrassed and I will probably cry about it. My clothes won’t fit and I will think people online and people I know are judging me and thinking about how I used to be thinner and more attractive. I will cry to my (thinner) sister and my husband and then I will GET OVER IT. Because other things are more important than the size of my thighs.

I will try to remember that it just doesn’t matter. It really, really, doesn’t matter. Because I have other goals, and other priorities, and other ways to find value in myself as a person and as a mother. And there are so many harder, and more devastating trials in this world (like not being able to GET pregnant) that are way worse than NOT BEING A SIZE 2. Or even a 4, or a 6, or sigh an 8 anymore.

And then I will start working out more, eating healthier, and doing the best I can to get back to a nice, healthy, super-hot & curvy Alison. I also highly recommend these work-out videos for post-baby.

And if I STILL can’t lose the weight, I’m fairly sure I could manage some sort of social media trade for liposuction. HAHAHAHA Kidding. OR AM I?

8. FILL YOUR WELL

I’m almost done, I promise. But I couldn’t write this post without mentioning this, because it has been a HUGE help to me during this pregnancy. Part 3 of my “How to be Be Awesome” series is called, “Don’t Poison Your Well.”

I recommend watching it, but part of what I talk about in that is filling your well, and by “well” I mean your mind and yourself, with good clean water—or good positive thoughts. One way I do that is with prayer and scripture study. When I’m pregnant I do that A LOT MORE than I usually do. And it makes a huge difference–in my temperament, in my life. But if you’re NOT into that, one other way I do that is by listening to podcasts.

These two podcast episodes made a HUGE difference for me at two really, really, low points. So I wanted to share them:

Pat Flynn’s Smart Passive Income Podcast – Episode #157: The Art of Rejection with Jia Jiang

I listened to this the day I got my positive pregnancy test. I couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t process my feelings. I couldn’t pull it together. I wanted to be happy and grateful but I just couldn’t find those emotions ANYWHERE. I was driving around running errands, alone, and planning Rad’s Mickey Mouse Party. Listening to this episode helped me identify that the #1 feeling I had at that moment was fear. It seems obvious now, but I didn’t get that in the moment. This episode talks a lot about fear, and overcoming fear, so this was really, really meaningful and helpful in that dark time. Once I identified it was fear strangling out all other emotions, I felt I was better able to cope and come up with a strategy for managing with the fear. AND I was able to start to make room for better emotions like happiness and joy for the blessing in my belly.

The Tim Ferriss Podcast – Episode #59: Jane McGonigal on Getting More Done with Less Stress and the Health Benefits of Gaming

I also listened to this early on when I was still struggling so much with nausea, and trying to plan a very large dance party. This is like the most mind-blowing episode, and it talks about the benefits of gaming—even little games on your phone like Tetris or Candy Crush. One thing this podcast (and the research presented) helped me do was identify behaviors I adopt while playing a game—like Candy Crush—and how I can use those behaviors and traits to help me in my real life. For example, I am INSANELY patient when I play Candy Crush. I play for 10-15 minutes every night before I go to bed. And even though some levels will take me a month, I just plug along every day, because I know eventually I will pass that level. I am NOT patient at all in “real” life. But identifying that patience and persistence that I adopt when “gaming” has helped me see that I am capable of it when it comes to this pregnancy. There are some other good thoughts and ideas in there too, so just listen to it, ok?! It’s also how I started calling myself a, “Pink pregnant princess” as my alter ego that could handle stress. HAHA. Like Beyonce and Sasha Fierce. Listen and you’ll get it!

9. HAVE THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO / GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK

I filmed my Party With Alison course during my first trimester, threw Alison’s Cabana Boogie in my 2nd, and planned a VERY easy, inexpensive trip with my husband (we leave this week!) in my 3rd trimester (plus I might have one other thing I’m going to do, hahaha) all because I needed things to distract me and look forward to.

I had to be careful not to commit to things that added TOO MUCH stress, and I certainly wasn’t perfect at it. But in addition to having things to look forward too, I’ve tried really hard to let myself off the hook for getting less done. I try to be more relaxed about “hanging out” (I don’t generally like to hang out, I like to work), and I have tried to be better about calling loved ones for chats, and watching TV instead of “being productive.” I still get a good amount of things done because that makes me happy, but at the same time it’s really so much less than I would normally do.

Also, I have to let myself off the hook for not being as helpful as I would like. I’ve volunteered for less, and committed to less things. I’ve missed parties and gatherings because I needed to be real with myself and admit I wasn’t in a good enough emotional place to attend them. Each time I do this have to remember that my family comes first—including the baby I’m trying to grow. Have people been disappointed with me? I’m sure they have been. But it’s better than having suicidal thoughts. So THERE’S THAT!

10. DANCE YOU FOOL

It can get a tad exhausting having people think I’m like a non-stop party machine. Especially when I feel like I’ve made it SO clear that I’m not by sharing posts like this (in which I share my struggles) for the past 6+ years. HAHA. But If I’m not smiling goofy in a picture, or I’m sharing a serious thought, people can tend to want to put me back in a “silly” box. It makes the teenager in me want to pout, and I think, does everyone just think I’m a joke?

But then I remember this: you don’t have to take me seriously to be positively impacted by me.

And that’s what I care about more. I care about uplifting people, I care about creating connections and I care about brightening someone’s day.

And so even if one minute I’m crying in a puddle on the floor, if the next minute a REALLY good song comes on, I’ll allow myself to dance IF I CAN. Because I’ve learned I don’t HAVE to be the silly dancy girl OR the anxious, depressed girl all the time, I just get to be Alison. And being me includes both.

I share this because you might be able to relate. You might be the type of person who can usually handle everything, and you’re in shock that you’re having a hard time. People maybe don’t SEE you as the person who has a hard time, and that can be so frustrating! 

But I think that a rough pregnancy, and life, is a lot of that yin and yang. And remembering there are many parts of yourself, and allowing yourself to BE them, is just part of becoming even more awesome.

Just because there are hard moments, or you’re struggling, or you are FILLED with anxiety and terror, it doesn’t mean you’re not YOU anymore. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to dance. So I try to remember in the really really dark hours that I will dance again! I’m still me! And it’s ok to let the happy in with the sad, OR the sad in with the happy. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

BUT I also know what it’s like to not be able to “dance” or find the light or the good no matter how hard you try. And I’d just like to point out again, that those are your hormones, or chemicals in your brain, and pregnancy can induce them and cause them to be way out of whack. Or maybe it’s something else! But I assure you it’s MORE than you not being able to suck it up. If it’s real to you, it’s real enough to get help.

You’re not weak, you’re not stupid and you’re not alone. And if you can’t find any joy, and you’re having harmful thoughts, that’s when you need to get some help. So promise me, if you can’t find your thrust (or even the tiniest little hip pop), that you’ll reach out to someone, ok? Reach out and get the help you need.

—-

MAN!

I could go on but this is already the longest post in the history of all posts!

But I wanted it all in one place for you. I wanted it easy to access and easy to read JUST in case you find it helpful, or know someone who could find it helpful.

And I want to conclude with this: I am so so so grateful for the opportunity to carry my babies. I am humbled and in awe of what my body can do, even though at least once a day I say to Eric, “I can’t do this.” Because, uuuugh I can. I can do.

I wouldn’t trade my experiences or what I’ve learned from these pregnancies for anything else.

I share this quote all the time, and it’s not going to stop me from sharing it again, because it is my favorite:

“There are places in the heart that do not yet exist; suffering has to enter in for them to come to be.” – Leon Bloy

I am grateful for the way my heart has expanded by going through these rough pregnancies. I hope it’s making me a better mother, a better wife, a better business lady and a better person. I am also grateful to the many many people supporting me, helping me, and enabling me to get by day by day.

I wish you so so much love. Hang in there.

xo,

Alison

126 Comments

  1. Melani 1 year ago

    I loved this post!!! It’s so real and says so much I’ve thought… Thank you for sharing this post with us!!! I can relate to it so many ways!

  2. Rikki 1 year ago

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve had three kids and my third pregnancy was the best of all three because I finally came to understand myself and how I am when I’m pregnant. I’m still a freaking crazy person, but at least now I can tell everyone to shut it and let me be meeee! Ha! This was inspiring to read. If/when I have another child I will change things for myself even more.

  3. Kessie 1 year ago

    Thank you for writing this, it definitely hit home for me! I am currently 35 weeks with baby#2 and this is SO relatable. You are awesome 🙂

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! you’re so close!!!! xo

  4. Rachelle 1 year ago

    You are my favorite human on the planet earth.

  5. Megan 1 year ago

    You are amazing! Although I haven’t experienced pregnancy myself just yet (newlywed), it is so refreshing to read that someone I admire so much is REAL. And even though (as you said) most of your social media posts are so dancing and happy, you are human and struggle. I admire so much that you got help, I’ve always hesitated to do so, for some reason it’s still a taboo to get help for most people. Thank you for this.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! I hope you have pregnancies nothing like mine! haha but either way you’ll do great. much love! xo

  6. Leah 1 year ago

    Thank you for taking the time to write this, for putting it all out there, for being so honest, for being awesome, for sharing all of this. I’m also in my third pregnancy, and it’s been pretty crappy… crying almost every day, having very little energy to get anything done, feeling horrible for already being at the weight I was when I delivered my first baby… when I am only at 25 weeks with my second – oh yeah, and my family has been living with my mother-in-law for the past two and a half months (why did I think this would be a good idea? who wants their mother-in-law to see them on all of their worst pregnant days!?). I have been thinking about doing some of the things you listed, and reading this will probably push me to actually do them. So, thank you again for being so freaking awesome and sharing all this.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you! I hope you DO do them! And living with your in-laws…oh my gosh yes DO THEM NOW! hahaha so much love to you! xo

  7. Dayna Magleby 1 year ago

    Alison! I stumbled upon your post through instragram and read the whole thing and wanted to comment. You are amazing! I can’t believe all you’ve been going through and while being pregnant. After Hans was born last year, I suffered with anxiety/panic attacks for 10 months. It was awful. I couldn’t figure out what was causing them and I was slowly slipping into mild depression. Even though so many people go through way harder things than that, it still SUCKED SO BAD. Crazy enough I ended up figuring out the cause – it was a new prenatal vitamin I started taking one week before Hans was born. So when I stopped taking the vitamin it went completely away. I was so relieved and grateful and happy to figure it out but also pissed that I was literally swallowing my anxiety on the daily thinking that the vitamins would only help anxiety. Then I also felt really guilty for having an “easy fix” when so many people suffer with it worse and can’t just solve it or fix it. But I am really grateful for how it’s helped me see a little better into the minds of those that suffer with it- even if it’s just having more empathy. I FEEL FOR YOU!!! When I was struggling with it, I couldn’t think of anything worse than mental illness. I kept thinking I’d rather be in a wheelchair and have my healthy brain back, than having the anxiety I was having! (No offense to those in wheelchairs). Any way, I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I just want to say I’m really impressed and amazed you are dealing with that and being so open and honest about it to help others. And if it makes a difference, I really admire you and think you are really awesome and beautiful. I love your love for FUN and making people feel good. It’s working! You are doing a great job! xoxo

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Aw thank you so much for sharing and reading! You are so sweet! That is SO crazy about the supplement!!! I appreciate your story so much and your kind words! Thank you mama! See you soon! haha xo

  8. Jaimee 1 year ago

    I could go on and on about how utterly amazing this is- but I’m just going to say Thank you. You are brave and inspiring and just- thank you!

  9. Hilary Carlson 1 year ago

    Thank you for posting this! I can totally relate and empathize, but in a different way. My 2 pregnancies were rough because I was super sick/throw up everyday, all day for the first 5 months. But I feel like when I’m pregnant it’s the only time I feel like my emotions are even/normal. It’s what happens after baby comes. That’s where I can relate to the deep depression and anxiety. I didn’t recognize it in my first post partum. But man it almost ended me in the 2nd. Scary scary stuff. So this post echoes my feelings exactly but on a different timeline. Gratefully, I got help in time. Anyway, this was meant to be a comment not an essay 🙂 Thank you for being honest and for posting — I KNOW this will help someone. I feel like it’s such a hush-hush subject for such a prevalent problem. It would have done me wonders during my “dark days”. And I love you, silly, serious, dancing or not.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      oh man yes! I’m so sorry. I get the postpartum too and it all is so rough. thank you so much for reading and your kind words! xo

  10. Brit 1 year ago

    This is the MOST AMAZING THING I have ever read. I am currently pregnant with our fourth child. This is my eighth pregnancy, though. When I learned, a very short time ago, that I was pregnant, all I could feel was overwhelmed—for every reason that you just said. All I could think was, “I’m about to turn into a depressed, anxiety-ridden, ball of fatness and craziness, who is always nauseous and never able to get anything done.” I felt like I was just getting on top of life again with an eight month old, a three year old, and a five year old. And this pregnancy, while an immense BLESSING, was very unexpected. For the first time in what felt like forever, we weren’t trying to get pregnant.
    I never felt like I could say I was struggling because “I’ve had X number of miscarriages (this number is fluid) and I’m just crazy. It’s not like I am struggling with ‘whatever so and so has.'” You just gave voice to everything I have ever felt. And now I feel a little crazy. Thank you! Thank you for being a strong, beautiful voice to those of us battling the mental struggles of pregnancy.
    I am a very recent follower, a friend said something about you. Now I am a very loyal follower. Thank you, again.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! thank you for sharing and reading. I’m so so sorry for all your loss and I’m so glad this was at least helpful! here’s to making it through again! xo

  11. Nicole 1 year ago

    This post is invaluable. As someone who had postpartum depression after two pregnancies, I think that the more women who share their struggles with depression and anxiety, the more we can help each other get help. I resisted getting help for almost a year bc I felt it meant I was failing at the Mom thing. But felt so so so much better seeing a counselor and taking medication.
    I love you for showing ALL sides of your life!

  12. shantel 1 year ago

    Thanks for this! I can totally relate, I’m 35 weeks with baby 3. The struggle is real! I have to say that one thing that has helped me big time this time around was reading the book “the gift of giving life”. It is great and helped me have a better perspective on my pregnancy. I love all your tips and it makes me feel better to know someone else struggles like I do !

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      how great! I’m going to get it! thank you!

  13. Sienna 1 year ago

    What a labor of love. Thanks for sharing such personal stuff. I hardly threw up in my pregnancies but I got really depressed but I didn’t feel like I could say anything because I wasn’t morning sick. Also, I had heard a lot about post-partum depression but I had never heard about depression during pregnancy, so I thought maybe it wasn’t a real thing. I also never made it through a prenatal doctor appointment without crying but I also never saw the same midwife or doctor so no one ever mentioned it or asked me into needed help. Finally with my third pregnancy, I found a different midwife who I saw every time and actually cared and listened to me. It made a huge difference! These are great mind-hacks. The only other thing that I would mention that helped me was getting outside for a walk everyday even if just a short walk around the block.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Yes!! so true! exercise or JUST getting outside really is so helpful! thank you!

  14. Erin Dougal 1 year ago

    I’m glad you wrote this so that others can benefit. I know this would have helped me with #3. Good job Alison.

  15. Drea 1 year ago

    I am in exactly the same boat as you. Third pregnancy, 33 weeks along.
    I’ve never been so tired in my life. Anyway, thanks for taking the time and having the courage to post personal, real information like this. It is so encouraging and I definitely appreciate a lot of your tips.
    Dance on, freaky friend.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      haha oh mama we are so close YET SO FARRR hahaha much love! xo

  16. Megan Kuhle 1 year ago

    Oh I just love this! Obviously I already love you & we’ve talked pregnancy talk but all of this post I just nodded my head at because I JUST went thru so much of this! Thanks for being one of my distractions with all the dance parties & just plain fun times! xoxo You make the cutest humans so i’m glad you made another!

  17. Ashley W 1 year ago

    The “changing it up” tip was a light bulb moment for me. Like, duh! Yes do something different…it’s not like in your ulogy they’re going to be like “and in addition she saw the same gynecologist for 34 years.”

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      HAHAHAHA YES!!! so true!! but it IS hard to do!! I tend to stick with people once I’ve found them, even if they are doing a terrible job! haha xo

  18. Suzie 1 year ago

    Alison! So so good. I am nutzzzzz when I’m pregnant, and also post-partum after my 2nd. I’ve been trying to convince myself that maybe I’ll like being pregnant a third time? But you give the best tips, so many things I’ve noticed help me as well. But they’re easy to forget, so thank you for putting this out there. Not easy. And you are obviously one hell of a mom. I hope I get to see you one of these days!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      yes! one day! haha so much love to you.

  19. Ali 1 year ago

    I can honestly say you are such a positive, inspiring and hilariously real person. That is one of the reasons I started following your blog & Instagram. We all have our struggles. Motherhood is unlike anything other. You do the best you can and surrounded yourself with your people. And SURVIVE. You go girl! I wish you the best. Love a fellow mommy fan.

  20. Allison 1 year ago

    I’m not pregnant, I think those days are gone for me, but I am struggling with life right now and your words helped me so much. Thank you. I love and adore your honesty, your humor and your wit! Thanks for keeping it real! I pray you don’t get the itchy issue again!!

  21. Lisa 1 year ago

    you are so great! I just love this whole post and even though I’m not currently pregnant (we’ve been trying forever), it spoke to me in a lot of ways. And thank you for being sensitive about the infertility issue, while still validating the feelings of some pregnant women as well. All the feelings are valid! I’m so glad you wrote this. And you even made my Candy Crush addiction seem valid and productive!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      haha I’m so glad! thank you so much, and I wish you so much love and luck as you try to grow your family!

  22. April Davis 1 year ago

    Thank you for this. I’m considering getting pregnant again and it’s so hard!! I have 2 girls and love them and want more but I am SO SO sick my entire pregnancy and get severe anxiety just thinking about trying to relive it again. I never realized it was anxiety until just recently-isn’t it interesting how much more manageable these feelings are once they have names? It’s so hard too because I’ve been told to suck it up, stop being a baby, aren’t I so blessed and lucky I can even HAVE children?? It’s really wonderful to not feel alone in pregnant misery. Thanks for reminding me I can do hard things and survive. I’m so excited for you and this new little one!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you! so much love and best of luck!

  23. Evaly 1 year ago

    I am 6 weeks along with my eighth baby and seriously already feeling like I am going to die in my regular pants, but I’ve been telling myself that I cannot wear maternity pants yet! I totally burst into tears reading your post and thank you for telling me to just put on the dang maternity pants! I worry way too much about what other people will think and I loved everything about this post. Thank you!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      You are pregnant with #8!!!! The fact you don’t wear maternity pants FULL TIME is impressive!! best of luck to you mama!!!

  24. Maddy 1 year ago

    Great Post! Thank you! I have pretty easy pregnancies but, things can still be so overwhelming, like my house and garden, and the tiredness. I’m due in December also and now I’m looking for a cleaning lady! Before my house explodes…

  25. Mandy 1 year ago

    Wow. So much of this hit home for me. I’ve been thinking about getting preggers with our 3rd and it excites and terrifies me at the same time. I had full on depression and anxiouty attacks with ,y 2nd. I have a very hard time asking for help and this post helps me to understand that it’s so important to just do it. It’s ok. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I have a feeling I’ll be coming back and reading throughout my next pregnancy.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Thank you! You can do it! Or at least you can do it with help! haha so much love to you. xo

  26. Courtney S 1 year ago

    Hi Alison, I’m one of those creepy people that somehow found you through the inter webs and have followed you through social media. There have been a couple times I’ve been tempted to comment on things you’ve written and thank you for being a positive influence in this crazy world we’re in. ANYWAYS, I’m 13 weeks pregnant (first time) but just laughed and cried my way through your whole post. Thanks for opening up and sharing your thoughts with the world 🙂 You make a difference for random people out there! Just wanted to tell you how awesome I think you are…even though I don’t know you. k thanks 🙂

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw! thank you so much! i’m so glad you’re here and I’m so glad this was helpful! much love

  27. Kellie 1 year ago

    Crying! Pregnant with #4 and I’m a psycho. I have to apologize to my husband and children so often for being so mean. And the anxiety… I mean, I’ve never experienced so many emotions SO intensely as I have with this pregnancy. But my motto this pregnancy is “Suck It” to everyone other than my husband and children because I am just literally barely surviving over here and I’m doing the best I can do for now and that’s ok. Thank you for sharing and helping me realize that I’m NOT the only one. I can relate to many of your sentiments!

  28. Emily 1 year ago

    Thank you for sharing!! I am the same way! With my second I had so much anxiety I could stay home by myself with my son. I’ve been thinking about having a 3rd but I’ve been terrified to deal with the anxiety (plus I accidentally had my 2nd on the bathroom floor). Your post is making it seem less scary! Thank you!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      You are amazing!! Babies on floors! haha! thank you!

  29. Tara S 1 year ago

    Thank you for writing this! I had a very emotionally difficult pregnancy with a lot of anxiety and depression and I too felt so guilty for talking about it. So I just shut up and it was bad. I got to a really low place and stayed there for a long time even after having my babe 9 months ago! I’m barely digging myself out of the hole I was in. I wish more women would be open about this subject. Thank you for sharing your feelings. And by the way I think you look awesome! Keep doing your thing girl!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! I’m so glad you’re feeling better! because yes, same for me, it’s not just the pregnancy but after is rough too! So much love! xo

  30. Bonnie 1 year ago

    Thank you for being brave and sharing all this! You’re awesome, whether you feel like it or not! I actually have fairly easy pregnancies (you know, only dry heaving until 12 weeks or so – :). But then that means I go and get myself knocked up SIX different times and end up with 7 (yeeeeahhh – twins) beautiful and beloved tiny terrorists whose sole purpose is to make me yell and cry every single day. Motherhood is so freaking hard, and it only gets harder the more we compare ourselves with other people’s winning moments instead of sharing our lows and lifting each other up. I mentally and through-the-internet lift you up and support you in your craziness and am SO glad you have these great strengths and strategies in place so that you refrain from stepping out in front of cars. Your hilarious honesty has convinced me to just go ahead and hire the dang stupid cleaning lady and stop making myself miserable over dirty toilets I can’t clean. I also SO relate to feeling pressure to be the party girl all the time. I’ve always been the loud inappropriate one amongst my friends so when I’m feeling like crap, sometimes I’d rather just hide in my basement then go someplace where people expect me to perform. It’s nice to remember that I have permission to be every version of myself.
    You rock. Go forth and continue in your awesome ways.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! And I think if you have 7 kids you need at least two cleaning ladies?! hahaha you’re so sweet, thank you for sharing and for reading this VERY long post! haha

  31. Whitney 1 year ago

    I LOVE LINDSAY BRIN. She’s nice and makes me feel good about myself, haha. But, really.

    This is so good. I’m two months postpartum, after a traumatic emergency c-section and a NICU stay. I now have 4 boys, 5 and under, and motherhood is NOT easy for me. These tips are helpful for me and anyone struggling with anxiety, depression, etc. So, THANK YOU.

    Also, my angel mother shared this with me tonight: http://segullah.org/daily-special/bearing-with-children/

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      oh my gosh I LOVE HER TOO! I love her pregnancy work outs too! I like sob during them! because I like how she encourages me hahahaha I’m 100% serious too! Excited to read that article! thanks!! xoxo

  32. Jamie 1 year ago

    Wow. An amazing post. One I wished I could have read six years ago when I was having my first kid and thought I was going to just die from the anxiety, panic attacks, and unknowns. I’ve had two more kids since then and it’s gotten easier because I think I allow myself to feel certain ways and not beat myself up over it, I know it’s going to end and life will be swell again, and lastly, I talk about it to ‘my people.’ I’m not someone who “loves being pregnant” and attaches to the baby in my belly. And that made me feel so guilty.
    Anywho, this post is going to help so many women. Especially those that haven’t opened up or feel like they can’t or don’t know how. Thanks for keeping it real.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Thank you so much! It’s super hard to be attached when you feel like crap right? It’s nice knowing now how much I love my kids now, ha, that it doesn’t mean we don’t love them any less than the people who loved them in their tummies! Thank you! xo

  33. Lindsey smith 1 year ago

    Not preggers, but anxiety out of control over here if I don’t take a medication. Thank you for your wise words, they reminded me to take it and not dwell on havin to take it to feel normal! Sometimes we just need help. Scripture daily, amen! Curious, do you not have anxiety and depression when you are not pregnant, like is it pregnancy hormone induced only?

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Oh no I have it all the time, just way worse with the last two pregnancies. I get it with my period, so it’s all super hormonal for me! It wasn’t as bad with my first pregnancies, like the anxiety I got with my period was dissipated, but it got worse the more pregnant, and more pregnancies I got! It’s so different for everyone though, and different for every pregnancy for sure! Much love mama!

  34. Alicia 1 year ago

    Thanks for your honesty!!! depression is awful, I have a one year old and am trying for the second baby..I’m terrified to get preggo as I have horrible depression and anxiety. This post lets me know that I’m not alone and not 100% cray cray. Prayers to you Sister!!! Keep on keepin on.

  35. Nicole 1 year ago

    I stumbled across your blog tonight via Instagram, and THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am that “one person” you are helping to not feel alone. I’m 26 weeks along with número dos, and I am feeling all the same feels. Pregnancy is a freaking moment-by-moment battle for me, and, like you, it’s taken a lot of hard work and counseling to be just hanging in there. Victory! My husband says that sometimes we don’t remember why we’re running the grueling marathon until after the race is over. I’m counting on a sweet baby face to jog my memory (no pun intended… at first). Keep up the great work, Alison!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much!! so glad you found it helpful! xo

  36. Olivia Gunner 1 year ago

    It’s always nice to hear that other people have feelings you can relate to. I am pretty sure my pregnancy was on the easier side (nothing to compare it to) and for the record, I know that sick prego ladies aren’t being babies! Pregnancy is hard. You are so awesome for recognizing all of this and dealing with it. Also, I will take your kids to the park any time! I’m pretty sure we live in the same ‘hood and I would love to help. I can’t wait to hear what you name that new little babe! ❤️❤️

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      haha thank you! I can’t wait to see what we decide! hahaha! much love! xo

  37. Kelly 1 year ago

    Wow!!! Bless your sweet, beautiful heart for writing this. Currently STRUGGLING hard-core through my fifth pregnancy, feeling massive, horrible, so much pain and like a total failure in life, and each one of those tips truly hit home. Seriously, genius. THANK YOU for taking the time to write and share this.

  38. Janelle Phipps 1 year ago

    Thank you. I loved every word. I especially appreciated what you said about seeing a counselor. I’ve seen one twice now throughout this journey of motherhood, and it’s been priceless to me. I think there is still a negative stereotype associated with counseling and it’s a shame because there is simply nothing wrong with asking for help. Thank you for being human, and so awesome.

  39. Jo 1 year ago

    I seriously love you! It’s so hard being pregnant and constantly feeling like you’re being ungrateful for the small person you’re growing. Over the past 7 months (most of my pregnancy), I’ve forced myself to do so much, probably too much but I’m stronger for it. Running my own business has given me the strength to prove to myself I got this but doing it alongside a teaching job and already having a difficult 5 year old has been a huge struggle when I’ve felt sick, sore, fat, depressed and quite frankly terrified about squeezing a child through my vagina (I had a c-section last time). I’m calling a counsellor today and tomorrow I plan to just rest and not let anyone make me feel guilty for it.
    Thank you so much for putting all these thoughts and feelings out there…you’ve no idea how many of us truly needed to read those words. As I said, I seriously love you and wish I lived nearer to hug your mammaliscious good self xxx

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much!! good luck to you!! I always say delivery is NOTHING compared to the pregnancy, haha so you’re gonna do great!! xo

  40. Kimberly Moore 1 year ago

    Powerful. Thank you for sharing. I sincerely believe every human being should see a counselor! We all have a little crazy in us. It has been a game changer in my life and I am forever grateful to the friend who was real with me and then helped me find those resources! And for the record, we do take you seriously! You are so smart and wildly talented. You are such a positive influence in so many people’s lives!

  41. Amanda 1 year ago

    I just have so much love for you! Do you even realize how wise you are? I am not just saying that. Do you know who Glenon Melton is? If not you have blown my mind with coming up with “i can do hard things” all by yourself. It is something she always says, that and “life is brutiful, brutal and beautiful all at the same time.” You are so strong and brave, im scared of #3 because of the nausea and because i get anxiety and a bit of depression after my babies are born. The weight thing doesnt bother me too much because im overweight to begin with haha. These are excellent tips and they hold so much truth! You are a beautiful soul and thank you for sharing and taking the time to write this. Bless your heart mama xxx

  42. Mary De Bastos 1 year ago

    This is the BEST of all those posts ever! For ever and ever! I’m not even pregnant. Haha! I’ve been married for amost 8 yrs and our whole marriage has been trying to have a baby. We have one! Woo hoo!! He’s 4.5 yrs old now and I just identify with everything you wrote about.

    We moved to Scotland early in our marriage and we moved to a different city when I was pregnant. So, new country and new city. I had NO friends. And by no friends I mean NO friends. Our ward was super cliquey and they did NOT want Americans in their ward. My husband worked all the time at really odd hours. I was ALONE. ALONE ALONE. NO one. It was horrific. I had tried for so long to get pregnant that I did feel like I couldn’t express myself or share my discomfort. And I am not a silent sufferer! If I’m not feeling well I was EVERYONE to know it. But not this time. I threw up so much that I was hospitalized three times. I broke the capilaries in my face so often from throwing up that I just looked like a giant red tomato walking down the street. I didn’t know what I needed but I needed something. No one helped me. Then when the baby came I was alone. NO help. I didn’t receive a single meal from our ward or a single visit. It was just horrific. It was a very dark time for me. If I ever get pregnant again I will know what to ask for and how to help myself but the last one was horrific.

    My go to gift is a cleaning lady for a few weeks!! No one needs more baby clothes. They need the dang cleaning lady!!!! This is a wonderful post and I hope new mom’s take all this advice to heart because it really is THAT important!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      oh my gosh! Such a tough experience! Im so sorry you had to go through that! It’s such a good reminder to look around us for the people who need a friend! I bet you’ll be the best at that for the rest of your life! so much love to you and I 100% agree on the gift!! xo

  43. Katrina 1 year ago

    Alison, there were so many things that went through my head reading this, so many emotions, tears, laughter…. I would’nt even know how to start articulating it. But if I could sum it up, the thought that permeated everything I was reading was this: she is a good person. Alison, YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. And much love to you xxx

  44. Heather 1 year ago

    Thank you – I will be reading this again if I ever get brave enough for pregnancy #3. I am also a miserable pregnant woman and I feel so guilty because my sister suffers from infertility.

  45. Lindsey 1 year ago

    This. I am pregnant with my 3rd right now as well and I may or may not be crying as I write this because, basically, you pulled these words right from my heart. I sent this to my husband so hopefully he can “get me” a little better. We’re all doing the best that we can, but good grief, my best does not win me any awards while I’m pregnant! Thanks, Alison, this makes a difference.

  46. Nikki 1 year ago

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m not pregnant, I’m in treatment for breast cancer, but so much of what you wrote applies to my situation as well…the emotions, the feeling crappy, the fact that your life keeps happening while you’re going through this, even the raging hormones – my cancer was estrogen positive so I had to quit taking birth control pills. I’m bookmarking this so I can re-read it regularly – it’s so helpful and hopeful. Thank you and bless you.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      oh my goodness that is so amazing to hear you could find help in this! thank you so much for sharing! I appreciate that so much. so much love to you

  47. Sarah M 1 year ago

    Alison, thank you for sharing. I have always surrounded myself with friends or at least one friend like you that is unabashedly fun! Outgoing! But I know that isn’t all that goes on with them. I’m different but also always “okay” even when I’m not. My last pregnancy (perfect baby is 6 months now) wasn’t easy. My anxiety was terrible. And my postpartum after a traumatic birthing experience has been hard but I felt like I made it out of the woods. Until a few weeks ago. PPD got me like a freight train. I think so much of this relates to what I am trying to do to take care of myself right now. I think sharing is important for our own well being and for others to see that they aren’t alone as well. I see the doctor today to talk about my current state.

    Thank you for being a light to others and sharing you struggles as well. Because that is also part of your light.

  48. Caitlin Tappana 1 year ago

    Alison,
    Thank you so much for being so real. I too am on my third pregnancy and I’ve been going through so many of these feelings, but they are hard to admit to people!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I’ll put some of these to practice!! And the cleaning lady is a grand idea. So much of my stress comes from my house!! I’ll have to look into it and see if we can budget one out. 🙂

  49. Jamie 1 year ago

    This is so amazing! Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and heart in such a real, raw way. I too was so upset when I got pregnant with baby #3! I was absolutely heartbroken for the first long while. I was sicker than sick, and sore everywhere and just a miserable mess. Your tips for survival are spot on. I am so grateful for those neighbors and friends who stepped in and took my kids for the morning or cleaned my house or brought food—they saved me.
    I hope that this post also inspires those who aren’t currently pregnant to look around and find a mama they can help, because we all need it. And we all need each other.
    Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy and welcoming your new baby into your family.

  50. Meghan B 1 year ago

    Thank you for sharing such a personal thing with all of us! You are incredible. I worry a lot about what others think of me and the expectations that I’m not living up to, painfully so. And there are sometimes that I just wish I was crazy talented and creative and could produce beautiful things and reach so many people like you do. What’s helped me most instead of worrying about what other people think of me is asking what Heavenly Father thinks of me, and the answer I get back is always love. So just know you are truly awesome in so many people’s eyes!!! Thanks for sharing your talents and honesty. It really does help! ❤️

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much!! that’s so true xo

  51. Danica 1 year ago

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. Coming from a background of depression and anxiety, and also pregnancies that make me want to scream and curl up in a ball and never come out, It is SO helpful to read others stories who seem to have it way more together than I do. I can only imagine how tough this was to write down and share, but it is so very appreciated.

    Also, have you ever tried Kundalini (yoga and meditation – but don’t get hung up on the yoga thing.. its the meditation thats been amazing)?? I came across it while I was in counseling to deal with my depression and anxiety (why is there not a quick way to type that?? d/a?) which had really escalated during my second pregnancy, and then just kept on keeping on after I delivered. And I wish I had words to describe what a difference it has made. Life-changing would be accurate. I now have added meditation into my scripture study time and its been incredible. I never thought I would find results in something that wasn’t medication, but I guess the prophets were on to something when they have instructed us to meditate. The thing I love about kundalini is it gives you something to do while meditating so that you are not just sitting there with your own thoughts. AND you get to look like a crazy weird hippy. So, there’s a plus. Anyway, sorry, rant over. I love Kundalini. You are amazing and GOOD LUCK over this last trimester 🙂 xoxo

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      no that’s awesome! I feel the same way about meditation! I dabble here and there but it’s fun to have a starting point! than you so much for sharing!

  52. Jean 1 year ago

    Thank you for your honesty. The hardest thing is to admit to anyone that you need help. And your happy dance videos made it seem that you have it all together. And you do. You’re just honest about it all. And baby #3 is for both parents. That’s why it’s the best!

  53. Erica 1 year ago

    I too had cholestasis with my 1st child. It was terrible. I was diagnosed at 20 weeks. That’s 17 weeks of not sleeping and wanting to rip my skin off. I didn’t enjoy very much of my pregnancy and felt terrible for it. Just like you I hated when people would ask me how I was. Mostly I’d ignore it. But when I would take the time to explain my condition and how I was feeling, they’d look at me weird and reccomend coconut oil for the itching. I would get so upset. Like I hadn’t thought to maybe try some creams for the intense itch that didn’t even have anything to do with my skin. Uuugh, if I had a quarter for every time that happened. I’d be somewhere warm and tropical right now. I was in a miserable place where everything sucked and I felt like I was missing out on what was supposed to amazing and wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I did love feeling the little guy move around and everything. Then to top it all off I had a terrible experience during labor. 24hours of torture. It took them 2 tries to get my epdiural in (I caved even after I said I wouldn’t because I was crying uncontrollably and no one knew what to do with me) the dr said it was working but it didn’t feel like it. I felt every bit of it. EVERY bit. And for being induced at 37 weeks he was not a little guy!!! It took me more than a month to feel myself again afterwards from all the stitches I needed. It was rough.
    Now I’m thinking of having a 2nd and I was t sure if I could handle it. I know how I was the first time around and I just didn’t think I could do it again. But after reading this I have HOPE again. I’m not alone with this and I can make it through. You’re right it’s worth it. It’s so worth it, and I will be using some of your tips
    Thank you!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      oh my gosh! I’ve never heard of anyone getting it so early!! YOU POOR THING!!! BUT it is different each time, like I’m almost 33 weeks and itch but it’s mild, so i might not even get it? but I SOO hope it’s better the second time around! so much love to you!

  54. Marcela Gracia 1 year ago

    Dear Alison,

    While I’m not, and I have never been pregnant, I’ve ‘been there’ for more than one friend. It’s hard to balance the “don’t worry-s” and the “I understand-s” when you know the other is thinking, no you don’t!! But I do know that having me has made a difference, and it is the best feeling in the world to know that others care and would do anything for you, as well as knowing that you can make a difference in someone’s life. Your obviously rock! I’m always looking forward to your insanely funny instagram posts. Laughing truly is the best medicine!

  55. Kate 1 year ago

    Hey! Late 20s NYC non-pregnant resident here. I’m someone who has anxiety and depression while NOT being pregnant. My husband and I have been talking about starting to try for a baby and I am WRECKED, absolutely wrecked with anxiety about how I will be when I pregnant. Basically, I am anxious about the potential of me being anxious while I’m pregnant. I know how crazy that sounds. This post was fantastic and made me feel wonderful and I have bookmarked it on multiple browsers so I can read it again in the event that a baby is in my future. Really, I can NOT thank you enough for writing this.

    A million hugs and NYC bagels (because really they make everything better),
    Kate

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much!! I actually woke up craving bagels this MORNING!!! we went to Einstein which is like nothing compared to NYC but that is so funny! thank you and best of luck to you!

  56. Jessica 1 year ago

    Thank you so much for this.. My kids just watched 5 hours of Sofia the First today because in addition to constant nausea I caught a terrible head cold and want to die and my husband’s out of town!! End pity party… I mostly relate to the weight aspect of your post.. I was already a little chubbier than I wanted before getting pregnant only to find that I have already gained 5 lbs in 10 weeks.. It totally sent my mind whirling in a million directions all of them unhealthy ones.. I feel so much better reading your post, I will put my clothes away today and concentrate on my sweet baby who will be totally worth all the chubby chub in the world! You’re amazing, can’t wait to see your new addition. Ps we have one devoted to daddy and one that is my little buddy so I am anxious to see which way #3 will go as well!.

  57. Carissa 1 year ago

    Thank you for this. I’m currently bawling after reading because of how you touched on so many things I have been feeling and I really needed this today. Just… Thank you. So much.

  58. Shelbi 1 year ago

    I totally understand. I was abandoned (that might be a nicer word than I should use) by the father of my son after we found out I was pregnant. I was so emotionally exhausted because I was so ashamed he had left and I was alone. It’s terrifying to even think of getting pregnant again because my fear, probably irrational, but a fear none the less is that I will struggle emotionally again because of the damage that was done to me during my first pregnancy. I ended up going into labor at 34 weeks, something I think was brought on by my emotional state. I spent the endless days in the nicu alone. It’s been a little over a year and I am finally starting to love and appreciate myself again. I still don’t have much of a support system but hey I have one of the cutest little boys in the world and to me, it was all worth it! Can’t wait to meet your newest edition!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      Shelbi you are amazing! I’m so so sorry for your heartache! But you are no doubt an amazing and strong person to come through that with such grace! So much love to you! And thank you!

  59. Harmke 1 year ago

    I’m pregnant and it’s going so smooth I don’t even believe it. I was soooo tired at first, and getting fat off course, but that’s about it.
    However, I suffer from adhd, and most of the times I kinda have it under control (well… the thing about adhd is that there’s no control at all, my mind and body just act without me and afterwards I can pick up the pieces. but… it’s doable) but these hormones are making everything way worse and I’m all over the place and scared about adding a baby to this chaotic life of mine (God bless my husband who adds peace and order).
    So, just wanna say: THANK YOU! I feel like you’re saying just the right things, in just the right balance of ‘I’m grateful but I hate it’. You’re a wise brave lady and through all your weird&happy AND honest&crappy post you’ve inspired me greatly. Blessings to you!

  60. Sarah 1 year ago

    Oh Sweet Alison,
    Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I loved every…single…word! I have been waiting for a peaceful moment to read this thoroughly and this morning my husband took our son to daycare! 30 mins to myself…yessss!
    Anyways, I admire your courage and honesty so much and I do hope sharing this brings you peace and relief you deserve so much!
    I am at the end of my second pregnancy and although I do not relate to the struggles you have, I want to thank you for making me appreciate my “easy” pregnancies that much more. I too don’t enjoy being pregnant…like one bit….but being reminded of what could be and is so real for so many people, I just think “wow…you un greatful brat! You are SO damn lucky” My body hurts everywhere and my husband is less than supportive (just his nature) but what I got from this is that if that’s the worst it gets..I’m very privallaged. Not that my complaints aren’t valid, just saying I have had one of those Oprah “ah-ha” moments…..”you’re one lucky Mama” So thank you Allison, thank you so much. Sounds like you are on the right path and I wish for you and your family that the remander of this pregnancy is your best yet (and that you DONT get that awful itchy hand thing!) Love your Instagram..can’t wait to see what amazing things you get up to next xoxoxoxo

  61. Audrey 1 year ago

    I am currently 27 weeks. And this is my 3rd pregnancy but my first one where I feel like I am a crazy person. I feel like know one gets it because I’ve always been the strong one that now I am not they think I am overracting. I too now have Cholestasis which makes all of this worse. I can not seem to get a grip on anything so to hear or read this and know that it’s not just me makes me feel better. I think I am going to get a counselor I think I for sure need someone who hopefully will listen and at least try to understand. Thanks for the post.

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw good luck to you girl!! so much love

  62. Katie 1 year ago

    Hey Alison, I just wanted to get on here & take a minute to say that I really loved this post. Or maybe it would be better to say I really connected with it, because I don’t LOVE that you have hard pregnancies and I don’t LOVE that I can relate to that. 😉 But a lot of what you said really clicked & I found myself nodding along in agreement as I read. I’m not pregnant now, but I have 2 kids & I miscarried once & none of it was THE WORST, but it was the worst for ME, ya know? And I’m better at owning up to my feelings now than I was during my pregnancies (especially my first), but, still, I felt retroactively justified as I read what you said about hard experiences being totally justified whether someone else had something more dramatic happen or not. These past few months have been some of the most life-changing for me–mostly in ways I didn’t plan or wish for, but as I’ve been sort of stripped of a lot of those outward things that I had thought defined me (& that I was really proud of), I’ve come to see myself in a new light. I’m just me. The same me I was before I tasted success. And the same me I was before I felt epic failure. (Oh man, now I’m crying…) And the truth is, I’m so so glad to circle back around and still get to be myself. And to be my WHOLE self. I’ve been floundering since a lot of those big changes came on & finally about a week ago I prayed for direction and the next day I felt inspired to start a new IG account–and to be my whole self there. Not just of value because I’m a mom or an entrepreneur or a crafty person or a Mormon or because I like healthy smoothies AND sometimes eat just donuts for breakfast and lunch on the same day–but all of those things. All of me. And I’m writing this annoyingly epically long comment to tell you all this because I really connected with what you shared here and also because I’ve thought of you several times over these past few hard months and reflected on how much I love that you share all of yourself. And I definitely think that your example was part of what inspired me to start my silly little new IG account that means so much to me. So I just want to say–you matter. You are an influence for good. You remind other imperfect women (& mothers) like me that it’s ok to need help with the dishes, among other things. You are important for good reasons. And I sincerely appreciate YOU as just a normal, real person & all that you share. Thanks for being real & being, ya know, here. -Katie

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      well now I’m crying! hahaha thank you so much. such kind words. and I get every single one of them. I’m so glad you’re feeling in a good place! thanks for sharing your story with me and so much love!! xo

  63. Erin 1 year ago

    I’m so so glad that I chose to read this. Yes, all of it! I made it!! I’m barely 15 weeks into my first pregnancy, and have been actively searching for different tools and tricks to help calm the anxiety and depression I battle for yeeeears (I wouldn’t be doing half as well as I am with this pregnancy without the things I’ve learned so far in life)! This post is full of so many golden nuggets of knowledge for pregnancy and for LIFE, regardless of womb status. Thank you for sharing what you have and also for waiting until you were ready to post it. It wouldn’t be what it is without the insight that comes from a clearer head space. You are so wise. Dance, gurl. Dance.

  64. Nicole 1 year ago

    Ah man, thank you for posting this and putting this all out there. I am pregnant w my 3rd right now but only 12 weeks!! It feels like it has been forever though and I’m so jealous that you’re 33!!! Hehe. I was going to stop after the first two but I really felt strongly about having another, so here I am. The reason I wanted to stop was not because I didn’t want more…it was because I had a rough experience w my care providers w the second one and I also didn’t think I could handle another. I want a lot of babies so that really made me sad. But I decided to go for it w faith.
    But I love what you said about switching it up. It’s also did not work well for me to see a group of people and then end up with whomever was on call for the birth. So this time we interviewed midwives and chose who we thought would best serve my needs and I’m doing a home birth. People think I’m crazy but I know I can birth healthy humans and I just need someone to trust me and listen and back off and let me birth my baby. I love that you have a family practitioner.
    I just moved to slc from phx AZ a few months ago with my husbands job and it has been hard going from having friends…to not really having friends. Is it just me or does it seem like a lot people in Utah have family and don’t value friendship as much? I mean they don’t need it as much so it’s not a priority?? Or do they just not like me???? A huge fear, but I don’t really think it’s true. I know it could be better if I would invite people over more but that involves a lot of work and I’m just tired and nauseated and wake up super early but can’t get out of the house till 10 because my kids refuse to get dressed every day!!!!!!
    Something I’ve decided to do for myself this pregnancy is to pamper myself a little more. I don’t regularly get manicures or anything but this time I’m going to get a prenatal massage or a manicure/pedicure or a facial or haircut at Aveda at least once a month. Luckily my husband is awesome and knows I need that time. I also have been going to prenatal yoga once per week. It’s so nice getting away and being w other pregnant ladies and focusing just on this baby for an hour. We finally have found some babysitters so that my husband and I can go on some dates and just be adults and a couple again. I pretty much wanted to devote my husband at the startof this pregnancy because of hormones and feelings. I felt so alone and didn’t know how to talk to him. But making sex a priority and spending time together without someone constantly interrupting has helped a lot!!!! We went and saw one of my favorite bands. That made me feel young again. And I’m old so that’s awesome.
    Ok well I need to go to sleep but thanks for letting me feel like I could post some random stuff and I know you’ll actually read it.
    Can I say lastly that I love following you because you make me feel good about myself. So many bloggers out there just depress me to follow because they sort of allude to life being perfect. But don’t get me wrong. You are so beautiful and you have amazing style and your kids are dressed awesomely. You are so mega ultra talented and your family seems perfect too. So what’s different? I don’t know. But when I see a post from you I laugh or relate or sympathize or admire or I get excited!!!!! It just seems too like you do the things you do to make the world a better place. You inspire good. Awesome. 🙂

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      aw thank you so much! It’s so hard moving to a new place! I feel like it takes almost a year to feel comfortable! BUT I’m sure it’s not you! hahaha it’s just the sickness/ takes time! So much love to you! hang in there! It HAS to end eventually right?! haha xo

  65. Lynn Conley 1 year ago

    I had Cholestasis with my first and only – so far. Caught it late because my hands and feet didn’t itch… It was just the entire rest of my body. Brutal. Everything I read indicated a high probability it would reoccur with future pregnancies. My OB was super great and read up on more recent literature that said it’s more like 30%. So I’m curious how things will go for you in the next few weeks. You are brave and wonderful for saying these things to hurting wounded women and the rest of us who didn’t realize we are. I’m sharing with a friend. Consider your “at least one person” goal met.

  66. Sally 1 year ago

    Just wanted to say thank you for your honest words and wisdom. I follow you on Instagram and love your sense of humor and realness. Too many others I follow want everything in life to look perfect and polished when it’s just not. I too gain weight like crazy when pregnant and even did a crossfit type workout until 30 weeks with my second pregnancy and still gained 60+ pounds. I’m tall so people don’t think I’m as heavy as I am but it’s super embarrassing to gain so much. But after two healthy pregnancies where I’ve lost the weight after, I’ve just realized that’s how my body does pregnancy. I also have tough postpartum depression struggles and never hesitate to advocate to other moms getting help or medication if needed. It’s so helpful when people have struggles and share them so that others don’t feel alone. Thank you!

  67. Jessica 1 year ago

    So proud of you. I know this post will have so many mamas out there nodding their heads and shouting, “Amen!” It just helps to feel not so alone in this journey. It’s equal parts joyful and terrible, but always worth it in the end. Can’t wait to meet this little bundle. She’s a lucky one!

  68. Heather 1 year ago

    Thank you so much for this post. I found it tonight while I am laying on the couch feeling sorry for myself with nausea at 18 weeks. You really helped me see the experience from a different perspective, and I appreciate your thoughts so much!

  69. Christy Waters 1 year ago

    All I can say is THANK YOU!!! I literally thought I was the only one. I sat here fat, pregnant, and crying while reading this! Thank you!

  70. Adrienne 1 year ago

    Holy moly. Yes. My daughter is now 14 months old so it’s been awhile since I’ve been pregnant, but I resonate so deeply. I didn’t know depression during pregnancy was a real deal because no one I knew ever talked about it, so thank you for this. I had the easiest pregnancy physically but mentally and spiritually, it was so dark and I couldn’t figure out why. I never wanted to talk about being pregnant with anyone, I didn’t want to celebrate my girl at all while I was pregnant. I didn’t get it because I wanted to be a mom so bad.

    Then she was born and we spent 50 traumatic days in the NICU. Talk about wanting to do things totally different the next time! I want the most opposite experience the second time around.

    I now struggle daily with post partum anxiety, but I kept telling myself this must just be motherhood… Mmmmm no.

    I need to go back and read this again, but did you get your hormones checked during and after pregnancy? I’m thinking maybe I should do that now.

    And read scripture more. Yes yes yes. Thank you so much!!!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 1 year ago

      yes! No one ever talks about post-partum anxiety but that is SUCH a thing, more that for me than depression too, but yes mama! Get everything tested, or just go talk to someone! I’m always making life harder than it has to be! xo

  71. Nikki 9 months ago

    Oh Alison! One small event after another led me to this amazing post of yours. I know I was meant to read it. If you look at my blog, you’ll see that I posted today on this very thing. I feel so guilty and still don’t come 100% clean with my feelings, because I am one of those infertile mothers who, after 4 IVF tries, carry a glorious miracle! Accompanied by the most taxing time of my life! I feel so connected to you in many ways, and definitely hope to dance with you sometime soon! All my thanks, love, and hugs! I can’t wait to try more of these hints!! Love, Nikki

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 9 months ago

      Aw I’m so glad! Thank you so much! Much love to you!! xo

  72. Brittany 6 months ago

    Thank you so much for this post! I’m 36 weeks along with my second and right now I feel like I’m going crazy. I need a cleaning lady! I can’t even with trying to go through the Google results and figuring out who to hire though. I keep trying but I’m exhausted and have a toddler. Who do you use?

  73. Miranda 5 months ago

    This post gave voice to SO many of my feelings! Depression, tons of weight gain, feeling like my struggles were invalid, wanting to not NEED help…Thank you for taking the time and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share!! I really feel you! I’m starting to feel more like myself as my little guy turned 3 months last week but the last year has sucked majorly! My mantra for months was ‘It’s ok to have a hard time’. I’m filing this away for a reminder to get the help I need and to be generous with myself when #3 (and probably final) becomes a reality. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone and that my mental health is worth the price tag that help carries.

  74. Lauren 4 weeks ago

    Oh man. Revisiting this post today, I’m 39 weeks and a few days, and I’ve literally been crying all morning. It is all such a rollercoaster and we put all these expectations on ourselves constantly.

    I had an amazing like Mother Earth kind of first pregnancy, I legit loved almost every moment and this pregnancy has the been the POLAR opposite. We had a miscarriage in between and the anxiety and depression this pregnancy have felt paralyzing. Being so in flux emotionally all the time (especially when you are parenting the highs and lows of an almost three year old girl) has just left me kind of numb, if that makes sense.

    Anyway, my first child was born at 38 weeks, totally surprised us and came early, and now we are a few days from due date with baby girl 2, and she shows zero signs of arrival any time in the next few days. This morning I literally was just like, “no, but really, I’m tapping out”. Like I want to just go set up a tent by the hospital and force them to let me stay until she comes. So pitiful!

    I drove around in the car with my non-napping 2 year old until she went to sleep and then got myself Chick-fil-A (including a milkshake) and I parked and I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the quiet and try to apply some of the things from this post.

    Being a mama is hard, and asking for help doesn’t come easy, but I think it’s a lesson that has to be learned in motherhood, right?

    Thankful that I remembered this post and came back and read it today, here’s hoping I don’t stay pregnant forever (as I’ve convinced myself that I will at this point).

    Lots of love to you!

    • Author
      Alison Faulkner 4 weeks ago

      SO GLAD this helped mama! YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are with you. All the past, present and future crazy pregnant ladies are on your team.

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