She’s never going to sleep, ever, ever again.

She’s never going to sleep, ever, ever again.
October 22, 2010 Alison Faulkner

I used to have a magic baby. A sweet little bug who slept, ate, looked cute for about an hour, then went back to sleep.

I would like to have that baby back please.

Now I have a tiny little monster. Who fusses when you leave the room, and fusses once you’ve got her to sleep, and fusses because she has forgot what she was originally fussing about, and that makes her feel, well, FUSSY.

She looks like an evil sorcerer while she sleeps. Wriggling her tiny arms free of her swaddle, then flinging them triumphantly above her head once they have been liberated. Then, while still asleep, she throws them about with violent thrusts and jabs. If you try to hold them still for her, she grunts and pants. Then wriggles and jiggles until she’s awake and not pleased with the situation.

Eric and I are pretty sure she’s either conducting a symphony or using her black magic to turn us both in to giant pacifiers. Because let’s face it, when it comes to her we’re suckers.

So if she sleeps, even if it’s like a sorcerer, one would conclude that I get to sleep. No, no, not the case. At night she manages to make just enough noise and commotion so that her mother doesn’t get any sleep. And if I do start to drift off, she decides to throw in one of those isolated screams I’ve mentioned before. Or she cries just enough to get me out of bed and to pick her up, but not enough to wake herself up. And during the day, she sleeps best if music blasts loudly. Most specifically The Cure’s acoustic album or any Daft Punk. Yes, she must be European at heart because she LOOOOVES any sort of horribly loud techno. I’m not kidding, the louder the better. Which is great for her, but mommy + daft punk does not = sleep.

But to be fair, it’s not entirely her fault I don’t sleep. I’m horrible at falling asleep after I wake up, no matter how tired I am. And I also have a really hard time taking naps. Which is why I’m not taking one now. Yeah, I know, I’m screwed.

So this morning, after no less than 4 hours of me trying to get her to settle down for long enough so that I could add to my 3 hours of sleep from last night, I finally gave up.

I decided to stop crying from exhaustion and come to grips with the fact that I will never sleep again. Or at least not any time in the foreseeable future. And the more I want sleep, and think about sleep, the worse my life will be. So I’ve decided to surrender to sleeplessness, and let myself exist in a state of barely conscious stupor. That way I’m too dumb to get upset about it.

I’ve also decided to reward myself for being patient. I give myself gold stars for saying, “Oh baby I love you, mommy is here.” When she cries instead of a sarcastic, “What are you crying about?! You just had a three hour nap and have fresh milk on tap.”

So this morning, after an almost completely sleepless night (Eric does get up and take over for part of the night by the way, I just can’t fall back asleep. Eric is an angel.) and a completely sleepless morning, I put the bug in the car seat, and drove to Kneader’s for their ridiculously fatty, ridiculously yummy french toast with fresh whipped cream, strawberries, and that buttery maple syrup. And then we (meaning I) ate ALL of it, in the car while listening to a Pandora’s Daft Punk station. She slept, I ate, and Daft Punk jammed. Baby weight be damned.

All in all, I know I have a fairly reasonable baby. It’s not like this everyday, and I know a lot of moms have it much, much, worse. But I just needed to vent for a bit. I find it’s best to see the humor in these things when possible. If possible.

So I bid you all goodnight. And pray that if I’m not sleeping, that at least you are.


Ginger’s milkmaid


  1. Whitney 7 years ago

    Oh my. Those were the days. Sometime in the future you won't feel like you have to get up every time she peeps and she'll fall back to sleep by herself. I remember not being able to sleep because I couldn't HEAR the baby breathing. He was sleeping TOO quietly and I thought he had stopped breathing. Yes…those were the days.


    The Mother of a Baby Who Learned to Sleep for 12 Hours at Night

  2. me, by (re)defintion. 7 years ago

    i know this is hard to believe in the phase you have now been inducted in to (willing or not) but you will look back on this one day and think to yourself that you are superhuman for not only having survived this, but also keeping a little person alive through it. i did. and then we thought it was a really good idea to add another to the family. now i am back to square one. but i will survive again. and who knows. i may just decide to have another. ahhhh motherhood.

  3. me, by (re)defintion. 7 years ago

    by the by. that last post was by me, lisset. stupid blogger for changing my log in name for me.

  4. AaReAn 7 years ago

    okay she is SO adorable…just a little peanut! Love the name you chose too! This is random but my neighbor gave me this book called "happiest baby on the block" and it talks all about how to sooth your crying baby…I dunno maybe you should read it…it has lots of good pointers…I am so not into these kind of books but actually I am really glad I read it! Just a thought?! Its an easy read too! So thats a plus.

  5. Heather 7 years ago

    Tiny Ginger,

    Auntie Heather's coming over today to visit you. You better be good for me.


    I love the nickname. Haha! Clever, as always. It'll end! I promise! She'll go back to her magical self before you know it. You're a really good mama!

  6. Erin Dougal 7 years ago

    Oh Alison. I know how you feel. And I'm glad that you have come to accept the fact that you'll never sleep again. Because even though Penelope sleeps a little longer than Gigi does, I still feel like I'll never sleep again. Ever. Until I'm dead. I think it's just one of those mom things that we have to accept in order to survive. Hang in there. It's a good thing God makes those babies cute. If ever you know that you could take a nap if she wasn't crying you can always call me and I'll take her for a walk. Hugs.

  7. Tim and Sara 7 years ago

    I feel yah, sister. I got to the point where it was like, well, Lily can either scream at home, or she can scream at the mall. We're going to the mall. I also resorted to doing everything with her strapped to me in a sling or baby bjorn. There goes the baby weight! You're doing awesome and this phase will pass, promise. Um also she is adorable and I want to eat her little bugginess up!

  8. France is 7 years ago

    party don't stop

  9. dana and justin 7 years ago

    Sebastian was REALLY fussy from like 3-7 months. When he started crawling he improved drastically. Their little habits change a lot as they get older. I know I've already told you that he still wakes up several times a night. I figure maybe he'll give me a full night's sleep right around the time I give birth to my second;) Maybe when we're old we will be able to sleep all night again. It's a good thing they are so cute!

  10. Michelle 7 years ago

    Hang in there sister! Just when I get slightly baby hungry I hear stuff like this that reminds me that I really am done having babies so thanks for that ha ha! Oh, I hope your chickens are doing well!

  11. tracyjax 7 years ago

    yep, no more sleep for you. I'm sorry. But she's so cute and cuddly! I hope that balances it out at least sometimes.
    ps you're also going to get what I call mom brain. the sleep deprivation causes you to lose your mind slightly. so when it happens, don't worry, it's normal! just revel in it and know that it won't be this way forever!

  12. Sharon 7 years ago

    Ginger is so adorable! And, yes, you most likely won't sleep again for a LONG time! I finally sleep at night–and it's been 13 years. I hope to get a few really good nights in before my teenagers are out all night, and I start the sleepless nights all over again! Hang in there! Love the updates!!

  13. Megan 7 years ago

    I love her. My boys love her. And you. And Eric. That's a lot of love.

  14. Crystal 7 years ago

    Go get the BabyWise book NOW! I'm serious, go to Borders and buy it today!

    I read it, I followed it, I swear by it. Hazel started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks and every other person I have recommended it to has had the same success.

    DO IT!

  15. Carpfam 7 years ago

    Ginger is sooo cute!!! I love her sweet little face! I have something to send to you for baby girl but I need your address. Will you email it to me??? mcarp5 AT hotmail

    I promise she will sleep again 🙂

  16. Nichelle Jensen 7 years ago

    she's sooo cute! i love that picture of her! i don't know if her sleeping will get better but i think your body just starts getting used to the sleeping in hour increments. i think maybe that's what happened to me because i still get no sleep but it's not as painful anymore

  17. Bri 7 years ago

    She is adorable. I feel your pain! Here I am, with an 8 month who still wakes up every 1-2 hours. We're starting to get something figured out though and it seems to be working for us. I hope you guys figure it out soon too, for your sleep and sanity!!

  18. Matt and Jennae Porter 7 years ago

    The first few weeks are brutal. Seriously, you will look back on these days and wonder how on earth you survived. it WILL get better. Just take it day by day. For the first two months of her life Shelby WOULD NOT sleep unless she was being held. It was awful!! Just do whatever you have to do right now to survive. Newborns are just little balls of nerves and can't chill out and/or calm themselves down. And since Gigi was born early, it will take her a few more weeks to figure it out (my first was the same way). Another month or two, things will be much better. I promise!!

  19. Matt and Jennae Porter 7 years ago

    Oh, and I know everyone has a favorite book… just to put in a vote for what has worked great for us… "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It doesn't recommend any serious sleep training until 4ish months, but it is a great, no-stress, no-nonsense, flexible approach to sleep training. And a super quick read since you only need to read the chapters relating to newborns. Good luck!!

  20. Alison 7 years ago


    I have that book and love it! I can't wait until she's big enough to be more regular…but then again, then she will be bigger! It's a double edge sword!


    Thanks everyone for the encouragement, suggestions! She is actually sleeping better. I think she might have had some serious tummy issues that day! and some other days…


  21. The Zaballos Family 7 years ago

    ali! congrats on your babe! and that she is, i stalked her pictures on here and she's adorable, already so in-style (love that grey sweater!) hope all is well in motherhood, and you're getting a little bit more sleep!

  22. Julie @ Becoming-Someone 7 years ago

    Alison, she is BEAUTIFUL! Hope you're both doing well!

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