She’s got a bone to pick with pregnancy.

She’s got a bone to pick with pregnancy.
April 19, 2010 Alison Faulkner

Now that the cat is out of the bag, we can finally talk about all this pregnancy nonsense! I’ll apologize in advance to the male readers…but I’m thinking you’ll probably find some of this information useful in the future, and if not, well then just keep it in your pocket as a cautionary tale!

WTF people? How on earth are so many women pregnant? I don’t think I’ve really ever paid attention before to pregnancy, frankly it never interested me. So it seemed like all of the sudden I joined a club of clichés and romantic comedies. And this one thought has echoed over and over, as catchy as the Thong Song and even more repetitive: “HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS MULTIPLE TIMES?!” And not only are they pregnant multiple times, they do it voluntarily. AND they do it while taking care of other children. HOW? WHY? It all seems so cruel.

Those little babies must really be worth it! Now don’t get me wrong, my first trimester was bad, no fun, yucky, awful, but it was nowhere near as bad as it could have been or as I have discovered other women’s can be. I wasn’t hospitalized because I couldn’t keep food down, in fact it all stayed down no matter how badly I prayed for it to come up (yes I’m serious I prayed multiple times to chuck), and now that I’m almost 15 weeks it’s I’m starting to feel A LOT better. I never had to vomit (or worse) publically and I’ve only passed out once (so far). Some women feel sick the whole time! They deserve medals.

Also while I’m ranting, I think it’s important I publically address the misnomer “Morning Sickness.” Eric was sincerely confused when I felt as if I was going to hurl from the moment I woke up until the second I went to bed. And sometimes in the middle of the night. And not only do you feel sick, you feel like a lazy slob because the only thing you have enough energy to do is push the “next” button on your Netflix screen so another episode of Friday Night Lights plays. (I LOVE YOU TIM RIGGINS!)

Add all of this to the fact that some women are able to keep all this DRAMA to themselves for the first 12+ weeks, and pregnancy just continues to BOGGLE the mind. How can you feel like that, at work, at the (GAG) supermarket, when out with friends, with family, and NOT tell them about it? But I think the ability to NOT tell people things will always to elude me no matter what the circumstances.

Anyway. Like I said. I’m feeling so much better. I can open my refrigerator without wanting to cry, eat something other than Gyros and fast food, and I don’t even have to take afternoon naps anymore. But I just want to give a GREAT BIG shout out to all you moms. You astound me. And also, almost none of you blog about the negative parts. Don’t worry, I’ll do it for you so no one else is fooled!

However, other than all of the physical maladies, mentally and emotionally all those hormones must have evened me out. I think (others might disagree) that I’ve been a very reasonable pregnant lady. And I only recall one freak out, when my sister told me I was, “overreacting” to a certain situation. And as we all know, the worst thing you can say to someone who IS overreacting, is that they are overreacting.

Anyway. I have so much more to say on the matter. And it probably all falls into the mushy miracle of life category. And I’ll try to spare you. But it’s my blog and it’s your fault for reading.

Also, thank you so much for all the sweet words and congratulations. I’d write more, like how each and every comment meant so much to me, but if I do I’ll start crying.

But. I love you all. I’m so horribly happy that I if I pause too long to reflect I’ll just melt into a puddle. Life man, it’s CRAZY! Now I’m going to listen to Usher’s new song OMG, because obviously the baby will have to take after its mother in the dirty dancing skills department.

Xoxo,

Alison

18 Comments

  1. Breanne King 8 years ago

    yeah i think that was my fault…sorry! but I was REALLY excited, and I didn't tell one person. also, you might want to send eddie that "overreacting" message, if you would? after 4 years of marriage, i think he'd realize that telling me i'm being ridiculous only makes it so much worse.

  2. the fowlers 8 years ago

    i was the same way with my fridge. heck, even my kitchen! once food entered my kitchen it immediately became inedible. i didn't have such a hard time, either. i did have to call in sick once because i was too emotional to work.

    they are worth it, even though right now my sweatpants are covered in puke and salsa and possibly worse. they're so cute that james immediately wanted another one by christmas. yeah, physically impossible … i hope.

    i'm so glad you're feeling better. i keep picturing your adorable baby in my head and it makes me smile.

  3. Staci 8 years ago

    AMEN SISTA!!!! Nothing sucks worse than pregnancy– except maybe the first 2 months after the thing comes out. Just sayin… But having the cutest thing in the world and watching your life revolve around him and adoring his every move does tend to make it worth it. But I'm still trying to understand how on earth I'm expected to do all that again, possibly multiple MORE times. Good luck, Alison. May the force be with you.

  4. Scott Christopherson 8 years ago

    I also add my congratulations, but with reservation. Let's just hope the little one doesn't end up like your chumptastic husband. He came to visit me in San Francisco and I soon realized that he is still the fool I once knew. And a poor musician to boot. Peace out.

  5. Sabriel 8 years ago

    you are so incredible. I just really can't believe how funny and human you are. Every time I read your blog I feel a little refreshed about life. In conclusion: you make me feel good.

    and I'm happy for you.

  6. Julie and Kyle 8 years ago

    1. i too love tim riggins.
    2. congrats on the pregnancy (that probably should have been number 1)
    3. do you have an invite to my blog? email me your email… julieyardley@yahoo.com
    4. i blog about the negative stuff all the time.
    5. being pregnant sucks.
    6. you should check out themeanestmom.blogspot.com it'll make you laugh.

  7. Liz 8 years ago

    Being pregnant scares the SH out of me, and this post did not help.

    But I would like an excuse to eat fast food and gyros…

    Glad you're feeling better.

  8. Amanda 8 years ago

    Yeah, feeling crappy makes it so hard to try and keep pregnancy a secret. I'm hoping I won't have to take naps and that they become optional come the close of my first trimester. I've been so wiped out this round, and poor Ethan has had to suffer because of it. Not that he considers watching TV suffering.

  9. darcie 8 years ago

    reading this reminded me of a time i threw up in the mall food court. i had just eaten an entire styrofoam box of chinese food. if you're like me, you have to eat frequently or you get super sick. i hadn't eaten all day and greedily gobbled it up and then, ta da!

    so yeah, you're miserable/uncomfortable like you've never been for 9 months, then the baby comes crashing out of your body in the ultimate human feat known as giving birth, then you're stuck with new fat that won't go away and no time and energy to get rid of it, up all hours of the night, and then they get older and break/stain everything in the house and i don't even want to know what happens when they're teenagers. but somehow they're worth it. magic.

    also, i'm reminded of me saying to you the other night, "i didn't just have a baby. it was four months ago." sounds super rude right? what i meant was, "i should look way skinnier because i had the baby four months ago but i still have a pregnant belly." sorry i wasn't so good with the putting together of the words thing. i promise i'm not that rude. and thank you from the bottom of my heart for feeding us delicious food (i realize i barely gave you time to get home from work. stay at home mom egocentricity) and for putting up with the psychotic kids. they're way less cool when they're not yours.

  10. Mame 8 years ago

    You are SO RIGHT. And coming from someone who puked enough I went on medication so that my baby could have some nutrients, and then all it did was make me SICK all day long …. being SICK all day long is worse as long as throwing up makes you feel better. Sometimes, it doesn't though. especially when you projectile vomit while running into the bathroom so it gets half on your door.
    But the best part – you forget. I seriously look at pregnant women and I am JEALOUS of having a reason to have a belly, and eat whatever is insight (which, FYI, i finished my entire plate of full rack of ribs & sides on more than one occasion). I forget that I spent months on the couch, doing nothing but watching television, not even talking … me, not talking. hello.
    and then there's the sweet sweet baby. he/she makes it all worth it. (tho even then I know more than one person that states they wish their baby just came out at 4 months bc some infants are HARD.)
    you'll love it.
    you'll be great at it.

  11. Summer 8 years ago

    Happy Day!! She's preggers and back to blogging. Hooray! You're a riot and freaking awesome.

    Congrats to both of you!

  12. samsam 8 years ago

    i'd really like to see you cut a rug when you're 8-9 months. xoxo sexy mama!

  13. Sabriel 8 years ago

    hey! I gave you an award on my blog! check it.

  14. Samantha 8 years ago

    This is great news! Congrats! My first pregnancy was one of the most exciting times in my whole life. It's so huge. Enjoy it! And if you want me to send you a list of all the things you should enjoy and revel in pre-baby, I will!!

    This blog was actually a very nice tribute to what I (and women since Eve) have done now twice, so thanks! And to me, what we moms do (and dads…I guess…) is equally as batshiz ca-razy.

  15. Heileman 8 years ago

    If you think pregnancy is bad just wait for labor…haha. But luckily a few weeks after you have your little one you'll forget most of what it was like and how horrible it was (or at least the whole ordeal with be largely dimmed) so somehow you want to do it again. Crazy phenomena…I guess it makes sense or no one would have a second child :). Well I am so excited for you guys and I think you are going to make incredible parents. That is going to be one lucky baby!! Congrats!

  16. Jendar 8 years ago

    so many people i know are pregnant! which is great. congrats!!!

  17. Alison 8 years ago

    thanks everyone!

    and samsam, YOU+ME=dance party in september, be there and i'll give it all to you

  18. Matt Porter 8 years ago

    Mommyhood is the hardest but most rewarding thing you will ever do. I complain almost my whole pregnancies but as soon as it is over, strangely you miss it. You are going to be such wonderful parents. I cannot wait to hear what you are having!! I am thinking… GIRL!

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