She’s no Gwyneth.

She’s no Gwyneth.

I’ve decided to start a list that I will update once a week. The idea for the list came to me a few days ago while I was at work.

As I have mentioned I work for BYUtv. And because it’s a television station they have all of BYU’s stations playing on these giant flat screens when you walk in the building. This sounds WAY more glamorous than it actually is. The building is a total yuck, and the work space is depressing at best. But they do have the silent flat screens up front.

One of BYU’s stations is KBYU Eleven, which is an affiliate of PBS. And on PBS they have that show with Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali called “On the Road Again.” Weird combo I know. But they go around and eat good food in Spain.

Anyway, all of this is to explain how I got thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow and how classy and awesome she is. I mean SHE’S MARRIED TO CHRIS MARTIN. I’m not really into celeb gossip, shocking I know, but I do know that Gwyneth is never the center of a scandal and that she’s just one posh lady.

So as I postponed going back to my desk to write whatever it was that needed writing, I stared at a silent Gwyneth eating tapas in Spain, and tried to imagine what it would be like to be so composed. And then I started thinking of all the things I bet Gwyneth never does. Like how she was taking such tiny restrained bites of the tapas. Gwyneth never shovels food. She nibbles food.

Then I started to wonder how I could be more like Gwyneth.

This caused me to reflect on the 15 or so Hershey’s Kisses I had just gobbled crazily after finding a leftover holiday treat bag on my desk. “Gwyneth wouldn’t do that,” I thought.

AND THAT, dear friends, is how I got the idea for this list:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO

(Incidentally these are all things that happened last week)

#1. Compulsively shove month-old Hershey’s kisses into her mouth until there are none left in her treat bag, and then start foraging frantically through other people’s treat bags for more.

#2. Threaten a cub scout within in an inch of his life for accusing her of not playing the “throw a tennis ball and keep it moving game” correctly. (Yes, I am a den leader. God save the scouts)

#3. Stay up until 5 a.m. YES 5 a.m., watching Season One of America’s Next Top Model (because she stole it twice at a white elephant gift exchange) eating nachos with bruschetta because she’s out of salsa, and well, tomatoes are tomatoes, ON A WEEK NIGHT.

OK! That’s just the start of my list. Look forward to more in this series of:

THINGS THAT I DO THAT I’M 95% SURE GWYNETH PALTROW DOESN’T DO.

xoxo,

Not Gwyneth

p.s.

Thanks for all the love and support on the last post. I really am fine, like I said, over it in a minute. But it always helps when we rally together. Love you all!

7 Comments

  1. Nichelle 5 years ago

    yeah but she's kind of boring, like i would never think of her once aside from reading this blog or the AWESOME movie sliding doors

  2. Samantha 5 years ago

    If she's that great I bet you Gwyneth is totally confident in her awesomeness, as you should be. There is no way I'm skinnier than you, btw (re: your comment on my blog). No way. I saw your Lady Gaga Halloween costume, and I do NOT post pics of my body online, so I am confident in saying you are skinner than me.

  3. Elle and Jared 5 years ago

    i think this post was for me! i don't care about celebrity gossip either (except i still can't believe that lindsay lohan is a lesbian) but i just love gwyneth. someone told me a while ago that it was pretty basic knowledge that she is a tad "self-righteous". it felt like such a personal attack, and now i just feel like she is so misunderstood. anyways, i think i could say pretty easily that i am just as much of a allison faulkner robertson fan too.

  4. emilyhutchison 5 years ago

    Gwyneth is also ALWAYS cleansing and juice dieting. Now if we think back to summer of '07 aka post China Ali, we realize you may not want to cleanse quite as much as Gwyneth.

  5. Alison 5 years ago

    I wasn't implying that I'M NOT GREAT. Just distinguishing the differences between me and Gwyn.

  6. Shannan 5 years ago

    I love Gwyneth and agree that she is so classy. I saw her on Oprah when she was doing press for Iron Man. They showed her doing her daily two hour workout and she looked so beautiful doing her sweaty pushups and aerobics. I have a goal to look like her when I'm 35. I also saw the PBS special on her and Mario. The only thing I ever find wrong with her is that she spends time away from her kids to do things like exercise and travel Spain, but otherwise I think she is awesome! MEanwhile I am just jealous that I am spending so much time with my kids and not out doing things like aerobics and eating cool food!:) I bet one thing she doesn't do is stare at her pores up close in the mirror at night….like some of us may or may not do. :) love your blog!

  7. Tiffany 5 years ago

    missing you!!

    something gwyneth wouldnt do – ask you to add her back to your blogroll list. i cant help the fact that sometimes i just want to feel loved by you by seeing my name next to all of your other friends. maybe i get a little jealous of the others :)

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